


Closing the Distance

by casey_sms (shinygreenwords)



Category: The Social Network
Genre: Angst, Community: tsn_kinkmeme, Daddy Issues, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Implied Past Child Abuse, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, NSFW links, Oops, Pining, Recovery, Self-Destruction, Sexting, This took forever for me to repost, click for a detailed list of warnings and kinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 09:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/casey_sms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Futurefic. Relationships can be hard. Throw in long distances, Mark being Mark, Eduardo’s business trips, his awesome hot boss, bad Skype connections and suddenly the relationship is set on nightmare level. In which Mark does not sulk, there is epic miscommunication and Eduardo tries to do his job even if he just wants to go home. This is the story of two people who are a little older and hopefully a little more wiser, trying to work things out because work gets in the way of life and they have responsibilities and a lot of history. They make mistakes and they make each other miserable sometimes but, ultimately, they are best friends in love who always find their way back to each other. ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closing the Distance

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning/Kinks:** Distance!kink (long distance relationship issues), swearing, sexting, NSFW links, discussions about sex, angst, pining, daddy!issues, implied past child abuse. Mild references to light role-playing and bondage (Mark/Eduardo), severe punishment spanking (Chris/Dustin), implied voyeurism (lol naughty!Dustin), past mental breakdown (Mark), self-destructive behavior. Spoilers for “Love Actually” but you can just skip the paragraphs with and directly under the links, it’s pretty clearly signposted. 
> 
> **Comment:** Reposted with minor changes. Finally like 3 and a half years later. This story originally started off in late 2010 because I was interested by anon’s distance!kink [prompt](http://tsn-kinkmeme.livejournal.com/4861.html?thread=6957053#t6957053) on the tsn kink meme. I got into TSN due to various RL woes, including a really intense online and long distance relationship that failed rather spectacularly (in which we issued a joint FB separation note no less). I had already sworn off long distance because the one before that failed too. So, this is long distance with all the hairy problems and the happy ending that I wished I could have had. Blurring real life and fiction in the true spirit of TSN ;)

It’s hard. 

Ever since they decided to make up…well ever since Mark decided that three years was too long and he was going to say sorry and Eduardo forgave him, they decided to give it a try. It. As in a relationship. Whatever. 

Mark had tried to warn him. “I’m not good with relationships.”

“I know,” Eduardo said. “I’ve been friends with you that long. Heck, being friends with you made me sue you-” he stops at the wince on Mark’s face. “Sorry, too soon?”

“No” is on the tip of Mark’s tongue but he promised Wardo he’d try to be more ‘open’ this time. “Yeah, a little,” he admits. He doesn’t apologize again because he’s said it and Eduardo knows it. If he doesn’t then he’s stupid. 

Still just because they have made up with some spectacularly fail first-time sex (to which Eduardo said, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to do it again don’t we?” complete with a suggestive wag of his bushy eyebrows). Even after really excellent sex (“I’d rate it a 9.3 on the scale of 10 but I think the results needs to be confirmed with further experimentation”… “Definitely 9.9 potential…perfect scores are scientifically unmfrph”). Ok even after that, it didn’t do anything about the fact that they were two Very Important Persons. 

Sure Mark is rich and he’s one of the youngest and most successful CEOs in the world and sure Eduardo isn’t hurting for cash either but that also means there’s a lot of demand for him. The both of them. 

“I feel like I’m one of those people that are practically married to their job,” Mark complained on the one day he was free. He’d been trying to kiss Eduardo on the couch and then he got a phone call telling him sorry but he _had_ to go in. 

Eduardo had taken it in good stride. “No. You are practically married to me and Facebook is our lovechild.”

“Dustin’s been talking to you hasn’t he?” Mark said, his eyes narrowed as he looked for his keys. “Where are my keys?” He throws a cushion off the couch. 

“In your pocket,” Eduardo said. “Hand them over, I’m driving.”

Mark scowled. “You’re too slow,” he grumbled but he handed them over anyway. 

In the three years, Eduardo had helped set up a company for the protection of intellectual property (in a familiar story, “It wasn’t my idea, John needed an angel investor”). Eduardo has more job flexibility because he lets John, a fresh faced graduate, be the face of the company. Mark was willing to bet Eduardo always volunteered to be the banker when he played Monopoly as a kid. Anyway, Eduardo’s new company, The Guardian, kept him busy. He’s their CFO and he flies there to sign things. It stings a little given their history (“But it’s you I come home to,” Wardo said, kissing Mark’s neck). On top of that, Eduardo also writes columns for IP journals and does the round of symposiums, meeting tons of investors and inspiring graduates around the world. Everyone loves Eduardo. 

Mark knows Eduardo has to go to theses trips even though it’s usually John and his ladylove in the papers. Mark knows Eduardo likes it that way. Eduardo gets photographed enough when he’s with Mark. 

The problem is John is a really nice guy. He’s good-looking and he fosters cats. From his Facebook page (it’s not hacking if it’s his own program), he’s actually like a smart Winklevoss. Body of a jock, brains of a nerd. It sucks. John has a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend and as far as Mark knows, he’s completely straight. But Mark was straight too. Still, John’s girlfriend is his constant and very supportive companion and it helps that the media tails him so it’s easy for Mark to see what he’s been up to most of the time. Eduardo and John never room together because that is for tacky Harlequin novels and it’s not like they can’t afford another room. In fact, John often tells Eduardo he can bring Mark. He’s paid for Mark’s expenses more than once even though he doesn’t need to. Mark feels bad for disliking him on principle but he just doesn’t like sharing Eduardo. Eduardo was wrong then, he has always had his attention. Mark might have made some bad choices but Eduardo never stopped holding his attention. 

So Eduardo has some conference he has to present at. Mark could go but the paparazzi really like trying to take pictures of them together and it pisses Mark off. He knows that they are both public people and it’s not the privacy thing. It’s that the paparazzi are noisy and they try to provoke him. They say things to try and get them to flip him off (there is a picture of Eduardo hugging him tightly that Mark has kept. He’s whispering to him and the article is about how they are very much in love. What Eduardo had been saying was “Don’t Mark, don’t. Just let it go. It’s just us. Pretend they aren’t there”). Also they don’t respect his space. They say all kinds of shit. So ok he shouldn’t have punched that dude in the face but he doesn’t like being called an ‘asshole’. He’s not one. Not anymore. He is attending anger management classes to prove it. 

So yeah, Eduardo said that he wasn’t going to let him come until he can promise he’ll behave though Mark suspects it’s more than that. Probably a self-sacrificing “You think this is such a good idea?” Eduardo-principle. Mark knows if he pressed Eduardo would say “You don’t ask me to give up my work, I don’t ask you to give up your work” and then they would get stuck. Mark could try…he would really try for Eduardo but he loves his work. Plus Mark knows he can be selfish sometimes. They’ve only been together for less than six months (even though they’ve known each other for years) but he _would_ ask Eduardo to give up his company and be his CFO. The point is he's not supposed to. It's not that tempting since it didn’t work so great the first time anyway. Mark isn’t keen to rehash that. Three years of being in his own purgatory was torture enough thanks.

Mark is not sulking. He is _not_. The phone calls aren’t enough. He wants to see Wardo’s face. Eduardo’s Skype connection is shit and he hates that there is nothing he can do. It’s a hardware issue. The call drops several times. 

“…can’t believe I’m paying for this piece of shit connection… I’m going to call them up tomorrow. I’m not paying to get fucking dial up.”

It sounds like Mark is breaking something. The call drops again. 

“…probably all the fucking teenagers talking about how sad their lives are at 3am. I’ve checked their server capacity already and I just _know_ Skype is lying-”

“Mark. Mark.” 

“-because they are incompetent, lazy dumbfucks. That and their firewalls are so shitty even all their hick employees can bypass the stupid security to use their servers for porn or Ebay. I should just buy out their company. I could do a hell of a better job. I bet-”

Eduardo needs to stop him before he starts on his Skype conspiracy theory because he’s heard several variations of it already. He rubs his face tiredly. “Mark!”

“Yes?”

He really hopes he’s right. He usually is – about Mark anyway. Still, sometimes he worries about where they stand because it’s not the same as it was Before. It’s different. They’re older and they are _trying_ to do this. It’s not an accidental thing that they can brush off. “It’s okay to miss me you know,” Eduardo says quietly. 

Mark lets out a heavy exhale. 

Even in the dark, Eduardo can see that he wants to say he didn’t. He waits for Mark to say that he didn’t miss him as such but it was logical to need to talk to one of your major shareholders at this hour because he’s a busy person. Eduardo would just smile, nod and not call him on his bullshit. The old Mark would have left it there or maybe wait for Eduardo to call him again. Mark, this Mark, would call him back and say, “Hey, are you busy tonight? We should Skype again.” 

Which brings him here. To their crappy Skype call interspersed with broken pixels even though Mark made sure to get him the latest Mac Book Pro. It’ll never be enough for Mark. Mark is always thinking of making something better, something that could be. When he says “the resolution is not high enough to render the proper dimensions”, what he really means is “nothing will be able to replace you”.

“I do, you know,” Mark says quickly so Eduardo can barely catch the words. “Ijustdon’tliketothinkaboutit.”

Eduardo swallows. “Me too.” He means that for both. 

Then Mark changes the topic to something he was working on. Eduardo knows some of the algorithms he’s referring to but he can barely follow it because he’s tired. That and the gremlins in the line don’t help. The call drops twice again but Mark just keeps going until Eduardo falls asleep. 

When he wakes up to the alarm on his watch, there’s a message on the window. “I don’t have to like it but I understand. Hope you sleep well.”

Eduardo smiles and gets on with his day even though he spends the whole day thinking about Mark. He’s noticed that if you’re not too obvious about it, when you’re rich/famous/important, no one cares if you’re a little weird or you’re not paying attention to them. People assume you’re thinking up fabulous ideas to help you live your fabulous life. He stays up most of the night talking/watching Mark. He wears rockstar sunglasses during the day because there is no way he’s wearing make up no matter what his publicist/personal assistant says (Mark is blunt as always, “You look like a douchebag wearing that with your Armani”). He nods and smiles and does his job. 

Sometimes he gets random emails like:

> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: interesting viral marketing campaign 
> 
> http://www.bk.com/en/us/campaigns/subservient-chicken.html

Or:

> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: I miss you
> 
> Today I thought about you when I was coding so I got out that vibrator you got me and used it. 

Or even just:

> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: I miss you
> 
> I want you to fuck me. Right now. 
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I miss you
> 
> That is not possible right now. But I will. I promise ;)
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I miss you
> 
> I know. You asked me to be more open with you so I was just sharing with you how I felt. Unless one is able to accurate predict when the message is opened, the request would have been impossible to fulfill given the lack of geographic proximity and the possibility of asynchrony. Of course I could have written a subprogram in so that it overrode anything you were doing at the time but it might have been awkward. This option is also only available if you were on a network that I could access, or if you were on the network at all since you could have been sleeping. Except that I know when you sleep so it would have been more likely that you were doing something important. I can be appropriate in public, I just find it stupid. 
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I miss you
> 
> I really appreciate all the thought that you put into it. 
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: (no subject)
> 
> I know when you check up on me. You don’t have to make Marilyn drive me to the anger class.
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: 
> 
> It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just want to take care of you.
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: 
> 
> Sorry. 
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: buy? NSFW
> 
> Do you think I should get this?  
>  http://store.e-stimsystems.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=3 
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: buy? NSFW
> 
> Um…if you want? I didn't know you were into that?
> 
> Sorry we couldn’t talk much last night :( I had to do the rounds. You know how it is. 
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Re: buy? NSFW
> 
> I’m not. Your internet history tells me you are. Have you been leaving your laptop around? 
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Re: buy? NSFW
> 
> I’m going to have to check it over when you come back. Someone’s probably piggybacking your IP.
> 
> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: buy? NSFW
> 
> No? I leave it with my assistant when I have to meet people.
> 
> To: Wardo  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: buy? NSFW
> 
> Never mind. 

*

On top of the email chains, Mark texts him photos of the café he’s trying out that day (he’s on a quest to find one in the area with the best coffee and wi-fi) or of whatever he’s eating. Or not eating from the fridge if it’s gone a “fascinating color between #003300 and #006633 maybe with some spots of #000000.” Sometimes Mark texts Eduardo pictures of himself – and 8 times out of 10 it’s not his face (but nothing identifiable to him because Mark isn’t stupid). It is really weird to get pics of Mark’s…parts from an unlisted number. At first, Eduardo thought that his prototype smartphone from Mark (given to him as a going away present) might have been hacked but Mark set the security himself plus there’s no way of that happening without Mark knowing so he figures it must be Mark. The parts in question looked awfully familiar and Eduardo’s traitorous dick twitched in his pants like its been conditioned to respond to Mark. Plus, he’d recognize those curly pubes anywhere. 

Eduardo responds by taking pictures of what he eats or of the loads of tacky souvenirs he’s buying. He takes pictures of the hotel rooms or the view from the windows like a ‘wish you were here’. Sometimes when he gets a really good picture, he thinks that it’d make a great desktop wallpaper for Mark. He has yet to send a picture of his private parts because he feels weird aiming a camera there. They’re called _private_ parts for a reason. That and Eduardo feels too weird buying a new sim/phone for that reason like the provider would know or something. He hopes his face is good enough. He always takes several and picks out the one with the best lighting and least dorky smile. He’s never done the MySpace picture thing so he’s ill practiced at camwhoring. For the record, so is Mark. When the pictures are of his face, it looks like a mugshot. Maybe that’s why he prefers to take pictures of his erect penis. Eduardo is grateful for the pictures Mark sends him and he jerks off to them even though it makes him feel even more like a horny teenager complete with the sneaking around and texting at night. He hasn’t felt this young since he was well…young. Still, Eduardo knows better than to keep them. He deletes them. (They are getting more explicit. The last one almost made Eduardo drop his phone into the toilet. Yes, he was hiding in a stall to see his text messages because they were totally Not Safe For Work.) 

In any case, Eduardo tries to keep evenings free so he can go home and talk to Mark. They have a routine. Sometimes Mark doesn’t talk and he just listens to him typing while he goes through his conference material. It sounds like _home._

It’s working. Extreme time differences don’t bother them too much since Mark has never quite cared about sleeping during the night and working during the day. That’s one blessing. Though if he is honest with himself, they are barely working. They can’t really sustain this for long. He can tell Mark isn’t eating much. He’s definitely drinking too much Red Bull. Eduardo’s tired and the bags under his eyes are awful. 

Seeing Mark in real time is just a tease, it doesn’t make him feel better. It reminds him that Mark is miles away from where he is. That he can’t be with him right now. He’s not losing interest in Mark, if anything he’s more desperate for him, but it all feels too hard. More often than not he doesn’t know what to say, their conversations are awkward, sometimes too polite (“No you go first.”) As they grind to week three, he’s beyond exhausted, it’s like he can’t remember what it was like to be put on hold all the time. It’s like they spend more time apart than together. It’s only the thought of not being together that keeps him holding on. That’s not an option. But then a small voice asks “really?” And every time they have to put up with call drops and missed calls, it gets harder and harder to drown out the doubts filling in the silence. The frequent poor quality of the calls doesn’t help. 

He doesn’t say anything about his doubts. He doesn’t want to worry Mark all over nothing. He’ll see him soon enough. He’s not a teenager. They can do this like adults. Even though the urge to see Mark is clawing at him under his skin like an itch he can’t scratch. Though he'd say it's more like a constant dull pain of a toothache. He wakes up feeling tired and unsatisfied. He wants to book a flight home straight away and fuck the consequences. But he doesn’t because he has responsibilities and it’s not right to just leave John in the lurch. So he holds on. 

Then on Sunday, he gets bad news. It’s good news for the company but its bad news for him and Mark. John tells him about a surprise offer they got from the President of the United Nations. They have to stay a week to two weeks longer. He’s going to be in the headquarters of North Korean army. They’re going to have to get special clearance to fly in from some Very Important People. The extra week is if they want the contract, John has a week to convince them that The Guardian is capable of doing a job no other company has done before. Still, it’s a great contract which will protect knowledge regarding nuclear weapons, a step towards a nuclear peace agreement. It’s a chance to do something really special that could change the world.

But that’s not the really bad news. For first part of the trip, they are going to send him and John (sans partner because it’s strictly work personnel only) to some undisclosed location to talk about protecting highly sensitive military material. It’s top secret. He’ll get to see some big guns. He has a total weakness for action movies okay? He can’t believe he’s living this life. But even the thrill of doing something cool and great is dampened by the fact that he has no idea how to tell Mark. It’s just three days right? Somehow he has a feeling Mark won’t see it that way. 

At the secret location, they have satellite Internet access but they would prefer (read: this is a command) it if he didn’t contact anyone or have anyone contact him. John stresses that this is important and he knows how much Mark means to him but they need to make a gesture of good faith to match theirs. Eduardo knows it’s a big deal to be let into North Korea – two foreigners at that. They can’t risk the contract for any less than a genuine family emergency. He doesn’t need John to tell him. He has a brief crazy thought that Mark is his family and whether needing to see him jerk off might count as a family emergency. But it’s just for three days. He can do this. They’re adults. 

“It’sjustforthreedays,” Eduardo says quickly, hoping that maybe Mark won’t take this badly. 

Mark frowns. He’s not saying anything but Eduardo has learnt that sometimes Mark needs a few minutes to arrange his thoughts in a way that is coherent enough for someone not a genius. 

“So they don’t want you to use their satellite because it would mean revealing their top secret location. That’s ok. We can get our own one. I don’t know how long the clearance for that takes or whether there are zoning restrictions but I’ll find out. There are always ways around that. As long as I can get it close enough, it’ll probably have sufficient power to get a reasonably good audio signal at least. Of course it’ll be a matter of tweaking the network capabilities to route all its power to the location. Which I know you can’t tell me but I’m sure there’ll be a program that can calculate the gaps in current satellite coverage and cross-reference that with Google Earth to narrow it down. I can probably speed it all up if I register it under the company. The advantage of that strategy is that I can register it the satellite for commercial purposes since North Korea forms a 3.5% share of Facebook’s traffic. I can bump it up to 21% if I add the surrounding areas. I’ve been meaning to buy one for Facebook to expand our coverage potential. I’ll call an urgent board meeting for this morning and have them approve it. Then I can link you up, arrange for a satellite phone with video call capacity and I’ll FedEx it to a convenient pick up point by tonight.” There is a quick flurry of typing and Mark begins mumbling about tether satellites and reconnaissance satellites. Sometimes Mark gets caught up and starts talking to himself more than him but Eduardo’s used to that. It almost sounds like Mark back in their dorm when he used to game online. He sounded like this when he was mobilizing his forces in his ‘leet’ guild. Except this is real. Mark is risking war (okay it’s a tiny possibility but he’s probably going to piss off a lot of powerful people) just so he can talk to Eduardo. It’d be a great ego stroke if Mark wasn’t being completely insane about spending three days with no contact. He should probably stop Mark before he decides that it’d be a good idea to draw everyone out of bed so he can do this faster. 

“Whoa, Mark,” Eduardo cuts in. It’s incredibly romantic and sweet. (Normal people buy roses, Mark buys him laptops and gadgets before they are even released. For people-who-aren’t-Mark-because-he-hates-the-word-normal, this is probably the equivalent of buying him a car. Or maybe a house. Eduardo doesn’t know much about the cost of satellites but it can’t be cheap. Ok he admits it’s more likely a giant ass mansion with more garages than they have cars. Which is sounding more and more like Mark building him a Batcave.) “No. That’s completely… it’s out of the question. Not that I’m not flattered and impressed but it’s too much. I’m not going to ask you to do that for me.”

Mark is typing, barely looking at the camera, his head tilted and eyes shifting from side to side. Eduardo has learnt to tell that means he’s browsing on his second screen. All programmers use at least two screens. Eduardo thinks with a bit of resentment that he’s always had to share Mark’s attention with a screen. But he loves Mark. Mark wouldn’t be _Mark_ without being hardworking to the point of obsession – Mark never does things half-way. It is also extremely hard to change his mind once he’s put his mind to something. 

“Mark!”

“I know. I heard you. You don’t have to ask me to. I want to, no, I’m going to.”

“Mark,” Eduardo sounds pained. He rubs the bridge of his nose. He sighs heavily. “I-I’m going to have to ask you not to.”

Mark’s clattering halt abruptly. “Why?” He doesn’t wait for an answer. “I have the resources, it’s a good investment in case this ever happens again and if you’re going to go off gallivanting for world peace then why can’t I have a custom reconnaissance satellite built just in case you get kidnapped so I have to find a way to get you back?” Mark says all of this in one breath as if all his worries are spilling out from him. 

Eduardo is painfully aware that this is the longest they have been apart and now they are going into uncharted territory. Using his most calming voice, he says, “I’ll be fine. We’ll be escorted by the UN peacekeeping forces. It’s quite stable right now and they want to talk about keeping it that way. It’s not a warzone.”

Mark looks unconvinced. His arms are folded and the way his lip is jutted out, he looks like he's pouting. “I still don’t see why I shouldn’t.”

Eduardo sighs. “You know this isn’t…” He wracks his brain for a less offensive word but he can’t find one. “It’s not normal,” he says. He can see Mark’s hackles go up immediately. 

“Why should we be ‘normal’?” Mark is making angry air quotes. “I’ve always been way above average intelligence levels and you’ve always been better than the average guy. Why should we have to stoop down low and pretend to be lesser just so all the plebiscites can feel better about themselves? We aren’t normal and I like it that way,” Mark snaps. 

“I think you’re missing the point. It’s three days, Mark. Don’t you think that…” Eduardo stops. He doesn’t want to attack Mark. With Mark, you had to help him come to the conclusion himself or they would end up talking in circles and arguing over arbitrary elements. “I mean, hypothetically speaking, what if I had a contract for a job that meant I had to stay away from all communication devices, for argument’s sake, a week.” It’s a shitty flimsy excuse of a hypothetical and he winces at all the holes Mark is going to poke in it. Eduardo holds up his hand to stop Mark from jumping in. “AND your board doesn’t agree to buying a satellite phone, internet company or putting a new landline where I am. Then what?” 

“You’re the one playing hypotheticals,” Mark retorts in a snotty tone. “Which for the record, I hate. No, you listen to me, you stated your stupid hypothetical so I’m going to respond. You want me to say that I can live without you for three days? I can. I just don’t want to. I’d like not to have to but I can’t always get what I want, right? So why do I have to accept your definition of ‘communication devices’ when I can create a communications network that wouldn’t require a device. I could have it with a fucking holographic system with sensory feedback if I need to. I could redefine the whole category while I’m at it. I’m working on things that no one has ever thought of and you want me to sit in a playpen and play with blocks? I can do that. I just think it would be a tremendous waste of my talent. And for the record, I think, no I _know_ , I could totally do everything I mentioned here, given time, so it isn’t even all that hypothetical. So on that subject, hypothetically speaking, how about you let me build you a better fucking hypothetical?” 

Mark is so worked up that Eduardo can see spit flying. Mark's eyes are wide and his nostrils flare. He's breathing heavily at the end like he's run a long way. Eduardo swallows. Sometimes it’s really hard to date a person who built something exceptional. Mark never knew when to give up even when he should. Maybe that’s why they are together now. Mark will not accept failure as an acceptable outcome. He will ram his himself into a wall over and over until the wall falls over. Eduardo worries that one day, he will break himself. Or the wall will fall on top of him. Metaphorically speaking.

“Let me do this. Don’t tell me that I have to sit and do nothing. I’m not even talking about hypothetical situations anymore,” Mark says quietly. 

Eduardo knows that this is Mark begging and he can’t refuse him. But he has to. Because as much as he wants to, he shouldn’t encourage Mark to go to such extremes for him. It’s unhealthy. He can’t let Mark risk the future of Facebook over this. He says as gently as he can, “You’re going to have to let me go, Mark. It’s only three days. I promise.” He is tempted to say he’s sorry but he isn’t exactly sure why. He says it anyway but it sounds hollow to his own ears. Eduardo wants to say ‘you’ll be fine’ but it’s just another thing he isn’t sure of. He can only hope and pray. He definitely needs to start praying. 

Mark looks straight into the camera. Usually when someone video calls, you’re looking at the screen so the gaze is never quite direct. Mark’s gaze is unnerving. Eduardo has his full attention. “Fine,” Mark agrees almost too easily. He says pointedly, “You should pack if you want to make it on time.” He bites his lip but doesn’t look away. “Is there – Is there anything you need to tell me?”

Eduardo’s eyes flicker to the clock. He’s spent over an hour talking to Mark and he should go. There is something else niggling at the back of his mind which is a bit like a spidey sense and a lot like guilt but he doesn’t have time to get into it right now. He really can’t be late. The words Mark used are familiar and he remembers asking him that and everything it implied with it. He wants to say ‘I’ll always make time for you’ and possibly something sappy like ‘You’ll always be my one and only, I love you’ but he doesn’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill. He doesn’t know how he can prove it to Mark right now so he takes the cowardly way and hates himself a bit for it. “Um, no, not that I know of. If I, y’know, I’ll-” He can’t call. He can’t promise anything. He feels like a dick. 

“Enjoy your trip.” Mark delivers this in a crisp tone. If Eduardo didn’t know him better, Eduardo might have thought he meant ‘I hope you die’ or something. Eduardo can see that he’s worried and…hurt. Eduardo feels guilty about all the things that he hasn’t said. 

“So…I’ll see you in three days. I’ll be here. Um online that is.” Eduardo thinks about sneaking in a quick “love you” but Mark ends the call without another word.

“Shit,” Eduardo says to the Skype icon. He really wants to smash this Apple (it felt really good the last time he did it) but it’s a gift from Mark and Mark would kill him. (Actually, no. This Mark would swear almost inaudibly and then he’d pick up the pieces and try to rescue whatever files he can from it. He’d quietly order him a replacement, probably a better one that Eduardo wouldn’t deserve.) So Eduardo settles for undoing his tie and throwing it. It flutters lamely to the ground and isn’t nearly as satisfying. Eduardo has to leave soon. Unlike all the romcoms that Eduardo suspects Mark secretly loves watching (Mark is a romantic because it’s all or nothing for him), Eduardo spend the day staring at the wreck of his room. The call of Real Life means he has to suffer the indignity of picking up the tie he just threw and putting it back on. Neatly. Meanwhile, he gets the concierge to ready a cab, packs and waits. 

The cab arrives promptly. Once inside, he pulls out the files John passed on to him – there’s even a red [CLASSIFIED] stamp, he notes with a thrill – and forces himself to reads through the pages with his official brain-voice so he can’t think about how he badly he wants Mark to call him back. He forces himself not to call Mark. Give him time, he tells himself despite every muscle in his body screaming no. 

By the time he’s at the airport, Mark still hasn’t called. Eduardo sleeps fitfully on the plane even though he’s in First Class. He dreams that Mark is calling him and he wakes up fumbling for his phone. It’s in flight mode so it’s not like he can receive calls but every time he is jerked from his sleep, he checks anyway. John is snoring lightly next to him. As soon as Eduardo steps off the tarmac, he turns his cell back on but there’s nothing from Mark. Mark maintains radio silence all the way until Eduardo’s checkpoint and even then he does not call. Eduardo knows he’s checked his phone one too many times when John stares at him as his arm twitches to pull his cell out again. 

John says lightly, “It’s only three days.” It hits too close to home. It must show on Eduardo’s face because John squeezes his upper arm consolingly. 

At the final checkpoint inside the military headquarters, Eduardo and John are given a stack of forms to sign. John skims the first few pages for posterity and then gives up, signing the rest without reading them. Eduardo copies him. Eduardo switches his phone off before reluctantly handing it over along with his laptop bag. It’s like checking through customs except the officers are carrying bigger guns and there isn’t anyone waiting behind them so it feels like they’re being checked into prison. He’s glad that they didn’t separate him and John because he’ll admit, it’s definitely an intimidating atmosphere. At least they aren’t actually pointing the guns at him. He feels completely at their mercy because he unarmed – he doesn’t even speak the language. Their tones are unfamiliar and harsh, everything sounds abrupt like an order. Eduardo wonders if the translator they’ve been provided is adding the “please” on to be polite. There’s also some kind of full body scan which means Eduardo has to take off his belt, cufflinks and watch. They also wave a large wand-looking object over him. It beeps. Eduardo’s imagination gets away with him and he worries he’ll be strip searched oh god but apparently it’s supposed to beep. As he puts everything back on, he is told via the translator that all his personal belongings will be checked before being returned to him. 

He and John are given a silver wristband passes which appear to be an advanced combination between the identification tags and keys. It’s a thin band of what looks like metal but clings to the skin like cloth. There’s no need for swiping or anything like that. Either the door will slide open for him when he touches the hand/knob/surface or it won’t (they warn him and John that if they persist in trying to open a restricted area an alarm will sound). The wrist pass allows him access to certain areas of the base, selected facilities like the gym and, of course, their rooms. It is also supposed to be able to store minor data like his beverage preference and emergency medical data. The translator explains that the wristbands are for guest and recruits only and cannot be taken off so they can’t be lost or tampered with. All the soldiers and staff have implants. 

Mark would be fascinated by uber interconnected military intelligence system. Mark would want- Eduardo makes himself focus on the tour and the tour guide’s heavily-accented English. He makes the appropriate noises of amazement and amusement, it’s not hard because the place is really cool. He smiles a lot like there’s no place he’d rather be. Eventually, Eduardo and John are lead to the guest quarters for a break to allow them to refresh themselves before they are taken to the secret location. These are the same guest quarters they will use after the three days and hopefully the week after. 

The first thing Eduardo does is take a shower. A cold one with completely non-sexual thoughts. It’s a rude shock to his system and he grits his teeth against the unrelenting cold. He towels off when he feels icy all over, his body going into involuntary spasms and his right leg starting to cramp up. When his teeth stop clattering, he puts on fresh clothes. He combs his hair straight and fixes his tie unnecessarily. His professional persona is on so tight that not even his father should be able to find fault with him (though he always found a way). 

By nightfall, Eduardo is exhausted. He’s been on a car, plane, van, boat and helicopter today. At the undisclosed location, he and John are assigned one room but separate beds. It was a choice between this or the guest quarters with the double beds. John thought it would be better to bunk in with the other soldiers as a gesture of camaraderie. Eduardo agreed. It was a good idea. Eduardo feels bad about not having told Mark but he figures that it would have made things worse. Nothing’s going to happen anyway. Still, the twinge in his gut tells him that he’s just told a lie of omission. Mark will know if he doesn’t already. It’s not a matter of if but when. Then the shit will hit the fan. Not telling Mark was not a good idea. He knows that now but it’s too late to do anything about it. 

John sets his luggage down and gazes apologetically at Eduardo “I just want to let you know I’m sorry. I really am. I know I sprung this whole trip on you and it’s extra hard because you and Mark haven’t been together for as long as Sarah and I- I mean even we find it hard. Anyway, I already told Mark that there was a strong possibility we might not get separate quarters but I promised him that well obviously, nothing untoward would happen if that was the case. Mark said he’s okay with this, all of it, and I know it doesn’t make it right. So I want to say I’m sorry if I made things difficult.” 

Eduardo watches John run his hand through his sandy blond hair, looking much older than his twenty one years. Eduardo wonders if he and Mark looked old like that then when they started Facebook and whether they are old now. 

“I swear, if he wasn’t okay with it, I would have tried to figure out an alternative. You don’t have to do this now, you could be with him, working with him. But instead you’re here, doing this for me and I don’t want to be a user. I want to let you know that I support you. 100%. Make that 110%.” He smiles warmly at Eduardo. “Will you accept my apology?”

“Of course,” Eduardo says automatically. Then his brain backtracks, “You talked to Mark?” He fights the urge to interrogate John about when and where. He has a bad feeling about this. 

“Yeah. I didn’t mean to go behind your back but I know he worries and I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to blame you for my business decisions. Not that I’m saying he would. Just. I didn’t want that to be a possibility. He was just really, um, open with me about how he feels about you and me and I really appreciated that.” 

John is fidgeting uncharacteristically. Eduardo knows it’s because he trusts him that he would let his guard down in front of him.

“I kind of made a, um, promise to myself that if there was ever anything really big I’d run it by Mark. Because I respect him and his relationship with you. Anyway, he was really nice about it. He made me promise to take care of you. So don’t wor- Are you ok?” John can see Eduardo losing color. 

Eduardo starts laughing hysterically. Mark being open and nice. Fuck. “I didn’t tell him.”

“You didn’t tell him what?” John says, genuinely confused. He puts a comforting hand on Eduardo. 

Eduardo tries not to look like he’s shaking John off. This isn’t looking good. He knows what this will look like to Mark. Mark had known the whole time and he had been trying to connect with Eduardo in his own way. Eduardo had lied to Mark’s face. Well technically Eduardo _didn’t_ lie, he omitted some details, to his laptop camera. “I didn’t tell him about this,” Eduardo gestures to the room. “Not me and you together. I didn’t have much time before packing and he was being-” Eduardo stops because the last thing he needed to do was to sound like he was bitching about his boyfriend to his boss. Friend. It got kind of confusing sometimes. He doesn’t blame Mark. “I didn’t want to upset him so I didn’t tell him.” 

“But _I_ told him,” John says slowly. “Obviously this was before you two talked. I thought he told you that we talked?”

Eduardo shakes his head emphatically. 

“Well…I don’t know Mark as well as you do but I know he trusts you. He loves you. I don’t think you have anything to worry or feel bad about. He’ll understand because nothing will happen. You’re just doing your job. He wouldn’t hold that against you.” When Eduardo doesn’t respond, John goes on in a soothing voice, “C’mon we have three really busy days so you’ll barely have time to miss him. Try not to worry too much. I promise to that you can talk to him first thing when we get back,” John says earnestly. “It’s all going to be alright.”

“It’s not alright,” Eduardo snaps, unable to bear the thought of how much things had fucked up. It all happened so quickly. He doesn’t want to pretend its fine. It’s not. “He wouldn’t talk to me.” Eduardo says, feeling his voice tremble. Eduardo turns his back on John and strips off to his boxers feeling more self-conscious than ever. Fuck it. He’s done talking about this. He wants to go to sleep. 

“I’m sorry,” John says when Eduardo is facing him again. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault.” Eduardo repeats dully. He doesn’t want to hear any more apologies even though John means well. He had good intentions. He told Mark because he’s a good guy. He wanting to making things right. It was Eduardo who was the coward. It’s not John’s fault. It’d be easy to blame him but it’d be wrong. Eduardo blames himself and maybe he hates himself a little too. He told himself that he wasn’t going to tell Mark because he didn’t want to upset him. The truth is that Eduardo doesn’t want to see Mark upset if he can’t make him feel better. He feels like shit because he misses Mark all the time and he had been so focused on his own shit that he’s been neglecting Mark. Mark probably feels shitty too. The seed of doubt was growing inside Eduardo. Would they be better off- No. He quickly shuts down the thought. 

“If there is anything I can do…” John trails off. 

Eduardo nods to acknowledge the offer. He says curtly, “Long day tomorrow. We should rest. Good night.” He turns over so John can’t see the tear that escaped his control. He thinks John knows but it’s awkward enough as it is and there’s nothing he can really do. He can’t fall apart now or he’ll never be able to get it together. He muffles a sob in the covers before he lets out a shuddering exhale. It’s a long abandoned routine but it comes easily enough – he pretends his mind is a blank whiteboard and in it he starts adding formulas, starting with the elasticity of substitution. The whiteboard starts to look like the window in Kirkland. He ignores it. He adds the chess algorithm shakily. He does not cry. 

When morning comes, Eduardo wakes up with a headache, tension throbbing at his temples. His eyes feel gritty and dry. He decides not to take anything for it. 

Before they go out to their first meeting, John snags Eduardo’s sleeve and offers help again. 

Eduardo wants to say ‘You’ve done enough thanks.’ But he shakes his head and clasps John’s forearm briefly. “Thanks.” 

The three days pass too slowly. Eduardo throws himself into his work. He takes in the information given. He assesses the problem presented. He devises several solutions. He proposes his ideas using graphs and charts. He shakes hands. He denies praise. In short, he is the perfect representative of The Guardian. He pulls off the flawless performance with an elegant effortlessness. Luckily for him too, it’s a conservative place. The dinners are restricted to very carefully scripted conversation areas such as the weather and cultural differences in food tastes. They stay away from talking about personal matters. It’s not like they don’t know about ‘his partner’ but they don’t really want to know. It’s fine with him. He doesn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it. Sometimes potential clients ask about Mark and it can be awkward walking that line between ‘its personal’ and giving a little away because it’s harmless. Here, it’s don’t ask, don’t tell. 

John knows not to ask. He commends Eduardo on his good work and watches him tire himself out so that he only has the minimum amount of energy left to distribute between eating, hygiene and sleep. 

*

Meanwhile, Mark is spending his time proving his point. He can live without Eduardo. He has for the past month. So what if he can’t call or get any messages from him? He is a busy man. It’s a huge effort to just get out of bed and go through his day but he does it triumphantly. He doesn’t understand why it is so _hard_. It feels like one big hangover that won’t end. He’s frustrated with everyone. Why can’t people understand what he wants to do? They’re all so stupid. No one gets him like- No one does. He has work to do and everyone is just sitting around at a meeting like they’re achieving something. It’s a waste of his time and money. They’re arguing over some strategy for an app and both of them are equally shitty. Mark says as much but with more scathing words thrown in because really he expects better from his team and he can tell one of the presenters is actually majorly hungover and possibly just had a quickie in the closet judging from the giant hickey on his neck that he keeps rubbing. Mark makes it clear that the guy is getting fired not because he’s hungover but because he’s stupid enough to get caught. Then he picks up his laptop and walks out. 

Sean jumps in to carry on as if it was planned. He’s a surprisingly good chair for a meeting, open-minded, jumping from one idea to the next in lightning speed. Something about his personality makes people want to open up to him, even what they might consider crazy and embarrassing ideas. “We’ll come back to that. So...” He flips to the next item in the agenda. “We were discussing online events last meeting and how to translate that into actual attendance. Let’s talk parties people…” 

Dustin follows Mark as his boss walks to his office. Mark puts his laptop down. Dustin breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn’t like property destruction. Mark is popping open a Red Bull and reaching under his desk for some Doritos. That must mean that Mark is in his I-am-not-moping mode which is much better than I-will-fire-you-if-you-breathe-wrong-in-my-direction. “Ryan has been a liability for a while anyway,” Dustin sits down opposite from Mark and makes himself comfortable, expecting him to start ranting. 

The programmer watches as Mark grunts and wipes his Dorito dust on his t-shirt hem. Mark lifts the lid of his laptop and starts working. Dustin has to get in there now before Mark wires himself in. 

“Alright Mark, you just stormed out of a meeting which you haven’t done for like...whatever.” Dustin waves his hand around vaguely. He decides to invoke the Power of Eduardo’s Name. He’s tried not to lately because it isn’t as powerful when he can’t actually call Eduardo in. Plus on some days Mark looks a few days away from a narcoleptic fit so he figures that MarkandEduardo are dealing with it. He can deal with a sleepy-but-functional Mark. Or even just a tired Mark. But. “This is more than missing Eduardo. Spill.” Dustin knows that this isn’t the Mark he knows. Normal!Mark might have told them off but he would have taken Ryan aside after the meeting, not humiliated him in front of everyone even though Ryan was clearly out of line. The programmer really wishes that Eduardo were here to take care of Beserk!Mark. But if Eduardo were here, Mark would probably be in a much better mood, Dustin muses in the same way that one wishes their family were complete and also in the same way that one absolutely does _not_ think about one’s parents fucking. 

“His boss will take care of him. He doesn’t need me. He has John! Abercrombie model cross genius John! John told me ‘nothing untoward will happen, I promise’. Eduardo didn’t even tell like it wasn’t important that he was going to have a new roommate. He’s going to break up with me.” Mark doesn’t dare say his name. If he does, it feels like it would be out there. It’s almost as bad as putting it in internet ink. Dustin knows who he’s talking about anyway. Mark turns back to his laptop. 

“Whoa whoa…what? Wait, hold it there. You can’t just drop a bombshell like that and go work like you just told me you added a tweak to an app. First you told me John has a model girlfriend and is completely straight last the last time I checked, saw him whatever and second Eduardo is head over heels in love with you. Last week he sent you a sappy postcard that I know you keep in your top drawer next to your emergency lube not that I was looking through your desk for that. Yep. Um. Thirdly, I don’t get it but you said John promised you nothing sexy is happening between him and Wardo so whatever he didn’t tell you, it’s definitely not about leaving you for John.” Dustin remembers John looks like the long lost brother of the Winklevii. John who is practically a crazy cat lady in every way except for not being a lady. John who has a hot girlfriend. Yep. Definitely no. Eduardo has a thing for crazy intense people shorter than him, preferably called Mark. “Call him. He will tell you himself.” Dustin has never been more worried about being wrong.

“Can’t.”

“Won’t or can’t?”

“Can’t. He’s in an undisclosed location.”

Dustin lets out a low whistle. Wow. Fuck, Dustin thinks. How did our lives get so awesomely complicated? Dustin makes a gesture and Mark spills. 

Dustin’s eyes gets wider and wider as Mark tell his story. Eduardo’s partner, er boss, called Mark up to ask him about something just right in that messy place between personal and business. Ouch. And wow. They were that close to getting a satellite and he didn’t know about it? Eduardo said what? Holy crap. Mark somehow managed to turn his life into a Lifetime soap. Which is not good because the heartbreak was going to make everyone and their Facebook friends cry. Dustin does not like this. Dustin really hopes it’s a surprise romcom. (He knows Mark likes those because Mark used to download them illegally and keep them in an encrypted folder. Dustin cracked it because the file size was massive so he thought it must be some kind of private collection of extremely kinky porn. Chris had bet that it was gay porn. Dustin one upped him and bet that it was gay porn with Eduardo look-a-likes. They were both wrong so they split the winnings.) 

Mark looks lost. 

Dustin is stumped. He doesn’t really know what to say. He has a rule about long distance relationships. He doesn’t do them. Luckily, he doesn’t need to. But Mark is definitely looking at him like he wants some advice. “Just…don’t do anything drastic. The Eduardo we know wouldn’t do that.” Eduardo couldn’t lie for shit either, omission or otherwise, but Dustin doesn’t say that. He knows when to keep his mouth shut. Also, he likes his job. This is the messy bit. “Look, Eduardo loves you. He’s stressed right now so are you. He’ll be back soon. You’ll work things out. You guys always do.”

Dustin tries to get Chris to catch his eye. The glass walls are great for that. Chris gives him a withering look which doesn’t work because he looks like an angry kitten. Still, Chris slips in quietly. He lets Dustin lean on him, a solid reassuring presence. 

“I heard what happened,” Chris says quietly, reading the resigned mood of the room. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He doesn’t ask ‘what’s wrong?’ and pretends he knows nothing about what’s going on. He says it like it is. 

“I fucked up,” Mark says. 

Chris winces. He knows Mark can be harsh but he is harsh on himself. People don’t see that. As much as Mark expects from people, he exacts so much more from himself. He practically lives to stretch himself to perform superhuman feats. Sometimes, he forgets he is not a god. Eduardo exists to remind Mark that he’s human and that he’s not a computer, he makes mistakes and its ok. Whatever it is, Eduardo is generally the panacea to Mark’s problem. Unfortunately, Eduardo is currently also unavailable. 

“Eduardo is going to break up with me.” 

Chris blinks, processing this new revelation. 

“He has another option now. I knew I had to let him go but I didn’t want to.” Mark scowls. 

“But you did?” Chris prompts.

“I did because it’s what he wanted, wants, and I thought maybe that would make things okay. But then…I practically pushed him into John’s arms. He told me to let him go.” The old Mark wouldn’t have but he’s changed. He tries so hard to be the good guy… so he did and now he regrets it. Being selfish got him what he wanted. Being nice means you get left behind. “I do the right thing this time, I respect what he wants and it doesn’t even matter. I can’t win. The game’s rigged.” 

It sounds strange to people, comparing to a relationship to a game but Chris nods. He was a junior chess champion. He knows that sometimes there are no-win situations. Classic Kobayashi Maru. Thinking about it like that Mark was like Kirk, he'd somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test. The thing Mark still struggles is that the human experience of relationships cannot be _computed._ Maybe that’s why he made Facebook, so responses could be more predictable, even reduced to a quantifiable response. Sex is sorted into fields like male and female. It never even occurred to Mark that there needs to be an Other category. Or that people wouldn’t want to disclose something like that. Or that people might have relationships outside of the four choices he gives. Mark has always made his own rules. Mark is always going to find it difficult to find a perfect computer analogue to represent ‘people’ because it is never going to exist. 

“What about John’s girlfriend?” Chris asks. 

“She’s not going to be around. He’s a free agent.” Whatever doesn’t happen in the same area code right? Well, he’s in a different country. It’s not the sex that bothers Mark. It’s that someone is taking his place in Wardo’s affections. He likes that Wardo is _his_. All of him. 

“That doesn’t mean Eduardo will leave you. He wouldn’t do that,” Chris says resolutely. “This is Eduardo. You guys practically moved in with each other before you were together. He handed over nineteen thousand dollars because you asked.” It’s a sore topic but he has to say it. “He sues you then he forgives you. Just because you asked. He loves you.” He can’t say that Eduardo won’t leave because it’s true, he has before. But, “He always comes back to you.” 

“Yeah,” Dustin chimes in eagerly.

“Can you call him?” At Dustin’s tiny shake of his head, Chris presses on, “Maybe go to him?” 

Mark’s voice is bitter. “I can’t. Top secret military contract. If it were anything else, I could try and buy my way in. This is probably one of the few impossible things to happen and it did.” Impossible things happen to Mark a lot. Mostly good, he admits but it still doesn't make him grateful for this clusterfuck.

Chris can tell that Mark is going to dwell on it and drive himself crazy. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. You’re assuming John is remotely interested in him that way regardless of his sexuality. John knows you guys are together. He doesn’t strike me as that type of person to go after someone who is clearly taken. Not to mention you’re falsely correlating between Eduardo’s lie of omission and him cheating on you which you are clearly assuming will cause him to leave you. There are several very legitimate reasons that might explain why he didn’t tell you. Him leaving you is just one and, if I may say, one really really tiny and unlikely possibility. Eduardo might have been busy. He might have forgot. He might have been tired and stressed. He might have thought you already knew and assumed you were okay with it. Give him the benefit of the doubt, Mark. For yourself, if not for him.”

Dustin is impressed. Chris managed to not bullshit Mark and yet call Mark on his bullshit. Chris is his hero. 

Chris waits for the words to sink in, ignoring Dustin rather indiscreet ‘thumbs up’ that he tries to pass off as a scratch. “I know you Mark. You’re going to want to drown yourself in work. Maybe you should take it easy for-”

“I’m not taking any time off because you think I’ll miss him. I can live without him. I don’t need him to call me,” Mark says flatly. 

Chris and Dustin exchange quick looks. 

“I have plenty of work to do.”

The blond man isn’t sure whether Mark is convincing himself or them. There’s no reasoning with Mark when he’s like this. Chris clearly remembers what it was like after Eduardo’s settlement. Mark worked himself to the ground all the time. Chris and Dustin did their best to take care of him but they’ve learnt that they can’t stop him if that’s what he wants to do, it does more harm than good. They just have to be there for him. Chris’s smile is sincere but strained. Dustin just looks exasperated. Before Dustin can say anything about it, Chris jumps in. “Alright. We’re here for you. Look after yourself ok? You still need to eat and sleep and take a shower at least every other day.”

Mark doesn’t say, “I didn’t know that, tell me more.” Mark actually looks at Chris then Dustin. “Thanks.” Mark turns back to his work. 

He doesn’t leave work for the three days straight as if to say, see? I can do it (even though he's proving Chris right, his defiance of Chris’s mandate is with no small measure of juvenile satisfaction). He’s acutely aware they didn’t set a specific time for meeting. Will the meeting be closer to day three-and-a-half or even four? What if Eduardo has de-briefings to attend that will keep him? What if something horrible happened? He waits anxiously. Not that he’s _waiting_. He leaves one screen on Skype but he’s not just sitting there and waiting. He just happens to have a spare screen and he can’t be bothered signing out. 

He alternates between caffeine pills, coffee and Red Bull. He’s gotten a tolerance for the latter two so the former works better for him during the day. If he splashes some whiskey or vodka in his drinks, that’s his problem. Not enough to get him drunk but just enough to keep him in a light buzz. For meals he alternates Doritos, microwaveable Mac ‘n’ cheese, instant noodles he found. He doesn’t bother with his clothes. He dozes off maybe. He codes his dreams. He dreams of coding. He dreams in code. 

Lines and lines of codes are written. Or perhaps he imagines it. He’s not checking it. He refuses to look at the clock. He just lets his fingers take over, translating thoughts into letters and symbols. He is in his own world. In this world, he is the one who writes the story, the characters, the ending. His hands bring the very space of it into existence. He is in control. 

Barely conscious of the tap on his shoulder, Mark doesn’t turn around. Someone spins his chair around. He glares when he sees its Chris. Chris and Dustin are talking to him. At him. Mark doesn’t want to hear about it. Then suddenly Chris has Mark’s headphones in his hand, his boyish face marred by a disapproving grimace. Mark huffs and turns back to his screen, he holds his hand out for the headphones but Chris refuses. 

“Mark. Listen to me for a minute.”

“What?” Mark snaps. Jesus fuck why doesn’t anyone respect that he needs to get some work done around here?

“Mark. I know it’s been tough.” Chris mercifully does not specify what because he doesn’t need Mark on the defensive. In a gentler tone, “You are not yourself. You told the intern to quote ‘go away, I said fuck off. Bitch, are you deaf?’ You yelled, uh, growled at her. You scared her. I know you were wired in but that’s kind of extreme. You made her cry, Mark. She was really upset. She wants to quit.”

Mark can barely remember it. Actually he can’t remember the last time he talked to someone which shouldn’t be that long ago but his eyes are gummy and his mouth tastes like something died there. He has a headache, a dull pain that makes him want to rub his forehead. On the balance of probability, he most likely did the crime mentioned. It’s not out of the realm of possibility. His track record speaks against him. But he hasn’t done that in a long time. Still, it’s probably easier to pay up than to fight it. There’s a speeding ticket analogy in there somewhere. “Fine. I’ll send her an apology email,” he says carelessly. 

Chris is unmoved. He puts on his best this-is-unacceptable-Mark face. He’s never quite mastered it like Eduardo. God, he misses Eduardo too. 

“What? Fine I’ll send her some flowers. Or do you want me to go and pick some and then deliver them myself. I’ll make sure they get to her. Happy?”

Dustin lets out a ragged sigh. It’s time for him to play badder-than-Chris cop (they have a system for dealing with Mark – if Chris has to pull the headphones, Dustin has to give the bad news). “No. Though it would be nice if you made sure she didn’t quit, that’s not really what we’re getting at. We’re your friends. We’re your sidekicks okay? Which makes it’s our job to let you know that you haven’t been taking care of yourself and you’re being an a- incredibly difficult person about it.” Dustin figures calling Mark an ‘asshole’ might get to the point faster but in Mark’s current mood, he might break something. 

Chris continues to play good cop. “You said three days right? We’re almost there. It’s s-” 

“Day two and three quarters,” Mark answers quietly. It’s the countdown to their relationship ending. Something is going to go wrong. He knows it. 

“See? He’ll be back soon!” Dustin says. For some reason, this just upsets Mark even more. His face crumples. Dustin feels like crying from sheer frustration. He hates having to be responsible in front of Mark, for Mark or what-the-fuck-ever. He hates it because he wants to be drunk on exhaustion, code and energy drinks mixed with bad food and feeling hungover from reality without mentioning alcoholic substances. Dustin wants to be beside him, kicking up a fuss too. Being grown up sucks. 

Chris hurries to the rescue. “I think you should take a shower. We’ll get you something to eat. Something that isn’t nuked and has nutritional value. You should rest. You won’t be able to receive any calls if you collapse on us. I’ll watch the channel.”

“I’m not watching the channel. I’m working.”

“Okay then.” Chris rolls with it. “Dustin can save that. Help you work on it. You need to take a break. You’re way past optimal levels of stress into pure determination holding you up.” 

“I have to-”

“No,” Chris says firmly. “Come on.” He tugs Mark out of his chair, arm around his waist as he anticipated the inevitable stumble. Mark mumbles something about pins and needles. Chris keeps a hold on Mark’s sleeve and leads him to the shower facilities adjoining the gym. 

He hasn’t had to do this for some three and a half years now. Mark was a mess Before (though Mark has always been a mess without Eduardo, its true). Mark just doesn’t like to admit that he can take care of a company almost single-handedly but he can’t take care of himself. Chris and Dustin took care of him then, not unaware that they were poor substitutes for Mark’s Wardo-shaped void. They will take care of him now and Mark will have to make do again. Chris really hopes that Mark is just being dramatic and not precognizant. Mark, unsurprising, is creepily good at predicting certain outcomes. He excels at almost anything he puts his mind to, up to and including, self-destruction. Chris can only hope that Mark’s judgment is clouded by his emotions right now. The last time Mark decided to slowly kill himself by working to death, they were saved when Mark got drunk enough to actually call Eduardo to ask him to forgive him. Eduardo was and is the only one who can convince Mark to _stop_. If Mark loses Eduardo…Chris is afraid to finish the thought. 

After coaxing Mark into drinking some soup and eating a bit of bread, Chris shepherds him into the bathroom. He takes out an emergency toothbrush and squeezes the requisite pea-sized amount of toothpaste. When Mark is done, Chris guides him to the stylish-sofa-that-converts-into-a-bed that they hide in plain sight in Mark’s office. (There are several of those in the Facebook office. Programmers use them to crash after a code binge. Dustin gleefully told him about what other people use them for but Chris has wiped that conversation from his mind.) Mark must be tired enough because he’s not complaining. He submits to the treatment with a vacant look on his face. Chris is not entirely sure he’s following. He’s probably on his last reserves of energy. He’s glad Mark is still capable of walking. He hasn’t had to carry Mark since his breakdown a few years back (the one no one ever talks about, partially thanks to Mark’s use of Non-Disclosure Agreements back then as a requirement of employment. Facebook was and is Mark’s Fight Club.) 

Mark cuts a very different and non-threatening figure as he lies on the makeshift bed. Dustin hands him the blanket they keep inside the hollow ottoman. He fetches the remote to control the privacy shades for Mark’s fishbowl-like office. Dustin knows he keeps the design of his office deliberately open like he’s flipping his finger at the notion of ‘privacy’. (He suspects that Eduardo got the shades at least partially because he didn’t think that anyone needed to see them openly fucking just so Mark can prove a point). Chris pulls the blanket over Mark and watches him crash. When Mark’s breathing evens out into sleep, all the tension goes out of his body and he curls up in the blanket, leaving only his trademark curly hair visible. His shoulders are hunched over, his knees bent, making him look impossibly tiny. 

Dustin and Chris somberly clean up the wrappers and cans littering Mark’s desk as they wait. 

“I hope he-” Chris starts. “Eduardo needs to come back. Soon.”

“He will,” Dustin says, sounding more sure than he is. Confidence is the key to success, right? “Any moment now, he’ll call. Wardo’ll be all sappy to Mark and then he’ll promise to come back so they can have hot ‘let’s reconnect with each other’ sex and everything will be alright.”

“I hope so,” Chris says, his eyes keep watch over Mark’s fragile form. 

* 

“Mommy’s online,” Dustin whispers in the mostly dark office. 

Chris gives him that look which says omg-are-you-for-real. Chris is loathe to wake Mark up because he looks exhausted. Purple bruises rim the underside of his eyes. Mark, who normally slept like a log once he’s out, has been tossing and turning. Still, they promised. Chris goes to make the coffee because he’s better at it. He tilts his head towards Dustin, silently delegating the ‘wake up Mark’ task to him. 

Dustin pokes Mark with a finger then shakes his shoulder gently. Mark stirs. Mark’s shoulder feels too small under his hand.

“Wardo?” Mark says sleepily, rubbing his eyes. 

Dustin is glad he doesn’t have to disappoint. It’d be like telling a kid that Santa isn’t real on Christmas Day. 

“He’s on,” Dustin smiles, glad to be the bearer of good news. He hands over Mark’s laptop. “Here, booted up, connected and ready for cheesy declarations of love and gay webcam shenanigans.” 

Mark doesn’t smile. Not even when coffee is presented to him. 

Dustin would have thought he’d be more excited that his lover is waiting for him after three days of no contact. He guesses that webcam doesn’t really cut it when you’ve had the real thing. He’s probably just nervous or tired, Dustin thinks. Dustin is glad that he at least doesn’t offer a pay rise to them every time they go above and beyond their jobs. They’re his friends. They’re in this together. 

“It’s late,” Mark says. Then more heartfelt, “Thank you.” 

It’s not quite a dismissal so Dustin is tempted to hover. It seems Chris is too. 

“Let’s give them some privacy,” Chris says meaningfully, holding his hand out. “Let’s go see if they had any desserts left for us to raid?”

Dustin takes Chris’s hand with a grin. 

*

Mark feels like he should make the first move. He feels torn between showing Eduardo how much he wants him back, how much he wants to fight for him and respecting his wishes. He figures he’ll start off safe. See what Eduardo says and move from there. 

**Zuck:** hi  
how are you?  
 **ESaverin:** Hey :)  
wasn’t sure if you were wired in?  
I’m good. Looks like we’re getting the contract :D  
And you?

He’d forgotten about Eduardo’s propensity to use emoticons. Mark feels a tug in his chest. He wants to say he missed him. That he couldn’t stop thinking about him as much as he tried to lose himself in coding. That he missed him so badly that it felt like he actually hurt. But he didn’t want to worry Eduardo. Eduardo who just got a new contract. Eduardo who will be away for an extra seven days because of said new contract. It hits him like a ton of figurative bricks. 

He didn’t want to lie to Eduardo but it wasn’t fair to make him worry about someone, that he didn’t want to be with anyway. It’d just make him feel guilty. Mark thinks that if he were the person he was five years ago, he would have no qualms with manipulating Eduardo that way. But he’s different. He doesn’t want to be that person. This Mark is the Mark that Eduardo…love-d. 

**Zuck:** the usual. ppl being stupid. 

The key was to keep it simple, just in case Eduardo checked up on him. 

**ESaverin:** Not everyone can be brilliant  
I happen to like brilliant people :P

People. People not Mark. Mark’s heart dropped into his stomach. 

**Zuck:** Congrats on the contract  
 **ESaverin:** Thanks. It went really well.  
Lots to do but we’re heading in the right direction. We might get another deal out of it. 

Mark didn’t think he could feel worse. He hates that Eduardo could have come home sooner if he didn’t get the contract. He hates it even more that he might have wanted it just a little. What if Eduardo didn’t come home? What if he just flew off again? Mark is being selfish, holding onto Eduardo – he’s holding Eduardo back. Eduardo who is smart, handsome and all-round nice guy. 

**Zuck:** knew u could do it.  
 **ESaverin:** :$  
 **ESaverin:** Thanks  
So I guess things are busy for you too? 

What was he supposed to say? No? I’m waiting for you to come back? 

**Zuck:** yea 

After a good solid fifteen minutes in which Mark wracks his brain for something to say. To talk. To connect with him. To beg him to stay. Something other than the awful silence. He’s good with his words when it’s insults. He knows how to criticize someone. But he doesn’t know how to get Eduardo to stay. He tries [Googling it](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=1366&bih=556&q=how+to+get+someone+to+stay+with+you&aq=1&aqi=g3&aql=f&oq=how+to+get+someone+to+stay&gs_rfai=). “How to get someone to stay.” 

The first result promises [“how to get someone to stay with you forever voluntarily...”](http://www.investoralist.com/how-to-get-someone-to-stay-with-you-forever-voluntarily-and-other-gems/) He clicks it.

He gets this:  
Facebook doesn’t have privacy problems. It has positioning risks.  
The recent brouhaha around Facebook’s privacy policies — the complications, the simplifications, the push, and the push-back — is a side-story. The real issue is positioning. …

He exhales loudly in frustration. The high profile of Facebook is great but it reminds him of all the things that it can’t do. Not for the first time, he wonders what life might have been like if they hadn’t made Facebook. If it hadn’t catapulted them into the fast lane. He wonders if Eduardo regrets it. If he wants to change his mind. 

Sure Mark has money and contacts but it’s nothing Eduardo won’t be able to get if he really wants to. Eduardo is good-looking enough that he can sleep with someone for the things that Mark can’t offer. Eduardo doesn’t like to be reminded of the dirty side of business offers but it stands true. He doesn’t need Mark. It’s Mark that needs him. Mark can’t think of any way to get Eduardo to stay aside from outright begging which would be-

His laptop beeps. 

**ESaverin:** brb  
 **ESaverin:** Sorry. That was J.  
gtg  
 **Zuck:** Sure.  
Later. 

Mark swallows the lump in his throat. J. John. His overactive imagination tortures him by visualizing John putting his arms around Eduardo. Eduardo’s smiling. But it’s not for him. Yeah. Fuck. He’s still exhausted and he can’t deal with this right now. He leaves his Skype on, volume up because it’s a force of habit. Just in case Eduardo comes back. He goes to sleep, heart heavy in his chest. 

*

Eduardo feels bad about not bringing his lie up. It wasn’t going to make Mark feel better. Either Mark would forgive him or leave him. He’s not willing to take the risk of the latter if he can’t be there in person to try and convince Mark not to. At best, they’d be where they are now. At the very worst…he’d make a mess of things and hurt Mark even more just so he could ease his guilty conscience. Mark doesn’t have time for his drama. Eduardo would be selfish in hindering Mark’s progress by dumping his issues on him. Mark was clearly very busy. He responded slower than usual, even for him. It’s like they had nothing to talk about. To type about even. At least Mark took the news reasonably well this time. He’s grateful for that. He wanted to talk more. But, he’ll just have to wait until work is done. 

“Hey sorry about that,” John says breathlessly. “Hope you got some chat time in.” He is genuinely sorry but he also has to run a business. “Apparently the General is so impressed by your presentation, he insists on having you present for the debriefing. He would like to talk to you about what you said at the base…?” 

“Regarding nuclear peace as avoiding mutually assured destruction?”

“Yeah. A very bold statement to make to a military commander, Eduardo. You pulled it off too. Don’t know what I’d do without you.” John claps a hand on his shoulder. 

Eduardo smiles tightly and walks in with John at his side. He digs out the USB stick with the follow-up presentation on it (Always be prepared, his father said). 

*

When Mark wakes up, he wires himself in again. He leaves the shades down. He thinks it might be day but it doesn’t matter (its ten days to go, his mind counts in ‘when will Eduardo be back?’ time). He’s sitting in the dark typing. It’s almost like he’s in college again except this is his own office and he has way more money than he needs. 

This is what he knows. It’s not exactly easy but codes are equations. They have predictable outcomes. He should probably be working on developing a new idea. As the CEO, he spends more time saying what he is going to do than doing what he says. Ideas have always been his most valuable contribution to Facebook. But this? Grunt work is satisfying. He likes to try and do it himself. It saves him from trying to fit and correct the programmer’s work into his vision of the product. He decided to ‘steal’ jobs from the list of things the programmers are working on (technically he can do whatever he wants but Chris and Dustin have tried to ban him from the list because he gets a bit obsessed). Currently, he’s fixing the bug that causes daylight saving time glitches. After that he’ll starts on the ‘recommending friends’ feature. He will ask Chris about naming and positioning the app. Later. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone now. 

*

Dustin notices that Mark has not improved, if anything he seems worse, even though he’s had his Alone Time With Wardo. The programmer doesn’t understand what’s wrong. He thinks about asking Mark but he sees Chris shake his head and he relents. 

“Give him, them,” Chris corrects himself, “some time.” He’s being deliberately vague because he doesn’t want Dustin to take him too literally. He hands over the file Dustin is looking for to distract him. “It can’t be easy to try and snap back to normal.”

“Hey thanks! How did you- you’re the best!” Dustin gives Chris a hug. 

Chris rolls his eyes but he’s patting Dustin on the back. 

“I’m just worried.” Dustin’s voice is muffled. He detaches from Chris, chewing on his lip. “They’ve never needed time to do that. Ok the three years but once Mark stopped being stupid, they snapped back even after You-Know-What.”

Chris thinks that Dustin likes Harry Potter way too much. Dustin used to call Eduardo He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to avoid upsetting Mark. Unfortunately, Dustin’s monikers stick because they are just so damn catchy. “They’ve never been apart this long apart from You-Know-What either. Plus this time Eduardo is kind of being stupid. He’s supposed to be the responsible one.” It is incredibly stupid (and unfair) how much _they_ rely on Eduardo to be the magnanimous, stable pillar of strength for Mark. 

Normally Dustin might say “touché” or “point taken” with a challenging grin like he could one up the some other time. He sighs and adds, “Yeah.”

Chris smiles for the both of them. It’s a little weak but it’ll have to do for now. 

*

Mark has been on autopilot for the last few hours. Thought it feels more like he’s been on autopilot for the last three or so days. He barely notices anything going on around him. But he feels like all his senses have been heightened when Eduardo signs in. 

Eduardo doesn’t say anything for exactly twenty six minutes and fourteen seconds. The wait is torture. In his head, Mark is marking excuses for him. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he did the stupid thing and saved his password on his laptop again and it signed in for him. Maybe Skype is malfunctioning somehow. The one that sticks in his mind, the one he feels is statistically most probable, is that Eduardo is stalling because he doesn’t want to tell Mark that it’s over. 

**ESaverin:** Hi  
You busy?  
 **Zuck:** yeah  
 **Zuck:** it can wait  
 **ESaverin:** :)  
don’t stop on account of me 

Mark has no idea what that is supposed to mean. He finishes his line of code then saves it. Eduardo has his full attention, he isn’t going to make that mistake again. 

**Zuck:** how’s NK?  
 **ESaverin:** NK?  
Oh um. It’s ok. Nice enough. Weather looks alright. Not that I’d know. We’re mostly indoors.  
What about over there? 

He Googles it. 

**Zuck:** partly cloudy with a chance of rain in the afternoon.  
 **ESaverin:** Hah. That’s what it says in Google today.  
You must be working on your new project :P  
How’s that going?  
 **Zuck:** fine. 

He thinks he should ask something. 

**Zuck:** how’s the contract?  
 **ESaverin:** Great :D  
It’s something really different.  
Can’t really go into details O:) but you’d love it. Trust me.  
John thinks we’re really making a breakthrough.

The words ‘trust me’ makes Mark feel a bit guilty for a few seconds until he sees the next line and the jealousy in him boils up again. Since he can’t know what Eduardo is up to, he can’t compete with that. It isn’t fair. 

They don’t talk until Eduardo has to say he has to go (‘please say hi to everyone for me’ like he can’t do it himself, like he’s not coming back, Mark is too busy despairing over this to fume about how he’s not a messenger). 

He wants to remind Eduardo that he loves him like some wife waiting for her soldier husband to come back. I love you, come back to me. It’s dumb and done to death but as long as it works, right? Because he does love him and he is waiting for him. Like it’ll make a difference, if he says it, he thinks skeptically. Like his love for Eduardo can somehow change his mind if he’s going to leave him. He has to try. Mark feels weird about saying the L word enough in real life let alone typing it. It seems tacky. He doesn’t know how people profess love on Facebook. Hastily, he types “take care” moments before Eduardo signs off. He hopes he got it. 

Their conversations continue in this vein. Irritatingly inane conversation. They stick to instant messaging. They don’t try to call each other or even bring up the option of calling anymore. They never stray from the safe confines of their brief snatches of Skype sessions. 

The weather is mentioned. Food. The inevitability of dealing with stupid people. They don’t talk about how they aren’t talking. How Mark’s suddenly really busy. Or how Eduardo stays on and idles for so long his icon goes yellow and he never types a word to Mark. Mark starts having to excuse himself to go because it’s just awkward. It’s like Eduardo doesn’t even want to try to talk to him anymore. He’s aware the ratio of starting is skewed towards him for the very first time. He supposes its karma. He’s reminded painfully of Erica’s comment that dating him was like dating a Stairmaster. Maybe this is a hint from Eduardo – this is what it’s like dating you.

Chris picks up on Mark’s depressed mood because he’s always been keenly observant. Reading people is what Mark pays him for. Reading Mark is what keeps him employed. It is also why he is good friends with Mark. He knows that Mark is nearly all bark, no bite. He also knows that telling him this is the fastest way to get bitten so to speak. 

“You’ve been quiet,” he comments when he brings a tray of food to Mark and insists that he eats with both hands, unwired. Chris motions for him to hold his hands out. He pumps a generous squirt of hand sanitizer into Mark’s palms. “Rub until your hands are dry,” he instructs. 

Mark acquiesces without complaint. 

“Have you been talking to him?” he raises nonchalantly. He says ‘him’ without emphasis, leaving room for Mark to wiggle out. He’s not going to push. A subdued Mark is one that is at wits end. Mark will do something incredibly smart or incredibly stupid to get himself out of the situation. Either way, he never fails. Chris treads carefully even though he knows Mark won’t fight him. Mark is likely conserving his energy for his Limit Break. 

“Yes.” Mark clarifies around his burger, suddenly intent on dislodging the pickles. “A few hours ago.”

“I was right here going through my papers.” Chris thought he was coding. Mark didn’t even let out a laugh. No stupid smiles at his screen. None of his usual tells. If anything Mark sighed enough times that Chris considered waking Dustin to help. Mark does this low sigh that sounds like a hiss and rubs his temples when he’s dealing with a particularly delicate piece of code that won’t work. He was talking to Wardo? How could he not have noticed? It must have been on chat. Chris feels a bit bad but the first thing he thinks is that if it’s anyone, it would be Mark that would code during a conversation. Chris berates himself since he doesn’t know for sure. He should take his own advice give Mark the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Mark felt bad about kicking Chris out so he used chat (except for the fact that he knows Mark has no qualms with jerking off while both Chris and Dustin are in the room). Maybe Mark was having a deep and meaningful with Wardo on Skype chat. It’s not impossible. 

“Yeah. We were ‘talking’ to each other. On chat.” Mark does air quotes around the word with an impassive face. Some lettuce falls out. He puts his burger down and nudges it back into shape. Mark takes a large slurp of Coke from his spill-proof cup (Chris figures this is marginally better than Red Bull though he was tempted to fill the cup up with caffeine-free Diet Coke but he’s pretty sure Mark will notice. He’d never trust anyone with his drink again which would lead to a dehydrated Mark needing to be hospitalized which is bad for everyone). 

Chris’s eyes flicker to the spare screen with text. Mark is tapping away at his keyboard again, his half-eaten burger forgotten. Chris lets it go. 

When he swaps Dustin for his shift of Mark-sitting (Dustin gets nights because he can pass it off easier as a programmer, the key to Mark-sitting is not to make it too obvious), Chris catches Dustin’s wrist. He can feel Dustin’s pulse under his fingers, a little quick but steady. 

“Hey.”

“You know what’s wrong.” Dustin crows a little. In a conspiratorial voice, “What did Mark do now? Spill.” He rubs his palms together. 

“I can’t be sure but I think it’s Eduardo,” Chris admits. 

“You’re usually right. Plus there was the lying. So what did Wardo say about it to upset Mark?” Dustin asks. 

“It’s…what he didn’t say. He’s been chatting with Mark.” He pauses. “Via text.”

Dustin lets out of low whistle. “God, they should just call each other. Then Wardo can say sorry so Mark can forgive him already. It’d make things so much easier.” He sees Chris’s worried look. “Don’t worry, I won’t hack into Skype and pretend to be Wardo or Mark. I’m not going to force them to talk to each other either. I know it’s not going to solve anything.” He sighs remembering the mess he made that one time. Wardo and Mark were both mad at him. Still, it worked? Like if you squint and tilt your head sideways. “I just think they’re being stupid. Again.” He refuses to think about the possibility of Eduardo leaving Mark because it’s just not going to be an option. He’ll buy the damn satellite himself if he has to. It’s an upside to being a billionaire too. All else fails, Chris would totally lend him some cash for that. 

Chris smiles. “Not everyone can be the genius you are, Dustinnnnn,” he purrs stretching out the last syllable, just to see Dustin turn red. The tips of his ears are burning. “Here, I got this for you.” He takes a V from his bag and presses it in Dustin’s hand, closing his fingers around it. Dustin preferred V to Red Bull. It’s the lemon one, Dustin’s favorite flavor. He hides his own blush with, “You know where to find me.” He kisses Dustin quickly on the cheek and leaves before he can be tempted to stay. 

Chris looks for an empty couch. The one in the rec room is always taken. The one in the foyer is too open. There’s one in a presentation room that is more for aesthetics than function but is surprisingly comfortable for an ‘f’ shaped couch. He checks that his phone is on. 1 new message. 

_thx. hv a gd slp – D \m/_

Whatever problems Mark will deny he has and whatever it is he’s going through, they’d have his back. 

*

It’s been four, five days of pretty much hi-how-are-you-fine-thanks-bye conversations and eight days since Mark has gone home. He went to work on Monday morning last week and never left. He has a permanent crick in his neck. He thinks he’s doing ok. He eats, drinks, showers and sleeps when he’s told. On top of that, he hasn’t missed any meetings. He thinks he should at least be getting a C+ average if he were still in Harvard. 

The reception girl (Christy? Carly?) leaves things around but she doesn’t stay. He already got her to pick a nice bouquet of flowers as an apology for the intern. He has a feeling he might have offended her somehow. He doesn’t think the intern likes him much even though she’d do the favor for him because he’s her boss. But he doesn’t want to use, abuse his power that way. Maybe he could get the reception girl to send herself some flowers. 

Mark glances at the pile of papers she put on his desk and sighs. His Skype chirps cheerfully. 

**ESaverin:** Mark, you busy?

Eduardo misses Mark horribly. He is sure that if he sees/hears him he’ll never be able to hold out, words spilling out of him. Mark seems fine, if a bit busy. Eduardo really shouldn’t disturb Mark’s progress. Eduardo owes him that. Except they are avoiding each other without actually avoiding each other. It’s Complicated. 

Still, he has to do something. Eduardo types his next sentence, feeling like the biggest coward ever.

 **ESaverin:** Are you mad at me? 

Mark calculates. It’s Tuesday afternoon. Eduardo comes back on late Sunday evening. If he comes back. Or maybe he’ll fly off again so he doesn’t have to be around Mark. No, Mark is not mad. He’s sad but there is no way he is ever going to type that on chat where it’s logged in the history files of at least two computers.

 **Zuck:** No 

Eduardo is probably overanalyzing the punctuation but the capital letter ‘N’ seems to make the ‘no’ stronger. Mark sounds like he’s mad but he doesn’t want to say he is. 

**ESaverin:** Then why aren’t we talking??  
 **Zuck:** we’re talking.  
youre busy. im busy.  
U can call if you want. 

Eduardo doesn’t know what to think. It’s it a ‘you can call no one is stopping you’ statement? Or is it an invitation? A dare? The infinite readings of the chat transcript are doing his head in. It’s hard enough to know what Mark’s thinking in person. Without any other cues, he doesn’t have a clue. He can’t bear any more of this. Eduardo throws all wind to caution and calls him anyway. If Mark doesn’t accept then, he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

He clicks on the little green receiver, inhaling sharply. 

Mark declines straight away. 

**Zuck:** need 2 save + bkup  
 **ESaverin:** k

Eduardo uses the test call and checks the video settings. He makes sure that the lighting is good while flattening his hair self-consciously. He angles the camera downwards so he won’t look like he has a double chin but not so much that it looks like he wants Mark to stare at his chest while his forehead is cut off. He’s sweating a bit. The tie is feeling like a noose so he takes it off. He checks for ugly sweat patches. He thinks he’ll be ok if he doesn’t randomly stretch like a gymnast. He feels inexplicably nervous. This is Mark, he tells himself. Mark who wears hoodies and flip-flops. Mark who more than once wore a bathrobe to work. Mark who has seen him naked. Mark is not going to care. But he does. He has a tingle in his palms, a slight twinge which tells him something big is about to happen. This call is important. He doesn’t want to be not presentable (you should always look your best, his father’s voice echoes). He undoes his top two buttons as a silent ‘fuck you’. 

**Zuck:** try now 

He is faintly irritated at Mark ordering him around. He snaps back a retort about why Mark can’t call himself, it’s not like he hasn’t got a call button. But it’s not the point right now. He tries to find calm and then clicks on the green button. His heart is still racing. 

He holds his breath. It takes three rings. Then the screen is black but he can hear Mark swearing like a sailor. It sounds like he’s dropped or spilled something. 

Finally, when Mark sits up, Eduardo can barely make out Mark from the dark room. He can see the pixels of blue and green coming in where the camera is struggling to adjust. He checked the World Clock before calling so he knows it’s only afternoon. There should still be some light so the shades must be down. He smiles a little at that knowing his gift was useful. Mark’s face is stained a blue hue from the light of his own screen. It appears to be the only light source. He hopes it’s the bad lighting because Mark looks pale in a sickly way. Eduardo hates that he can’t distinguish if the shadows under his boyfriend’s eyes are real. 

In contrast, Eduardo feels too sharp, too naked. He regrets baring the hollow of his throat a little. He swallows visibly on screen. It’s too revealing. He has nowhere to hide. 

“I’m sorry,” Eduardo blurts out. If his eyes weren’t glued onto the blurry Mark-shape, he would have banged his head on his desk. 

“What for?” Mark says, without inflection, his eyebrows never moving. Eduardo can’t interpret if he’s curious or angry. This Mark is the one with the perfect poker face. He is almost impossible to communicate with. 

“I should have told you.” He bites the bullet. He clarifies, “about John.”

“Why didn’t you?” Mark asks immediately like it is just that simple. 

“I don’t- I’m not sure why. I didn’t know what to say. Nothing happened. I swear.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Even if anything did, as long as Eduardo wants to stay with him – Mark is positive he’ll forgive him. Because everything pales in comparison. 

Mark’s reply was delivered in his usual flat tone, voice carelessly rather than carefully moderated. Eduardo tries not to bristle at Mark being _Mark_ but at times like this talking to Mark is like talking to a wall (only Mark would take that as a challenge to make talking to a wall a popular, mainstreamed activity and with an absolutely insufferable attitude about it too).

“It does matter. I’m sorry anyway.” It’s so awkward Eduardo almost prays for a call drop, lag, hell he’d take the Skype gremlins. Something to blame the awkwardness on. But the connection is military precision good and Skype defies him by behaving. There’s no reason they should be having trouble communicating. Technically. He can recognize the irony there. 

“Okay.” Mark turns to the side like he’s looking at another screen. “I’m going to busy for the next few days,” he says suddenly, head still turned away. He’d been thinking about the idea of taking, no, enforcing a break. It’s part masochism, part stubbornness, part punishment. Almost as soon as he says it, he wants to take it back. 

Eduardo reads between the lines. Mark’s not going to be in chat range. “Um. Sure,” Eduardo responds, ensuring that his ‘sure’ doesn’t sound like a question. This is Mark telling him because Mark doesn’t need his permission.

“Just for three days. You’ll barely notice.” It’s a bit mean but Mark feels hurt by everything that has happened. He’s hurt by Eduardo’s late and lame apology. Though he can’t really say anything about late apologies since it took him some three years after all. (It doesn’t feel any better to be on this side of the apology. It’s just as hard to find the right words to say. Mark would have a new and greater appreciation for Eduardo’s generosity if he didn’t feel even worse. He feels lower than scum. Furries, his inner Dustin supplies randomly. Mark gets a sudden and inappropriate image of chipmunk!Dustin.) “You can email. If you want.” It’s an afterthought and it sounds like one. Mark winces inwardly. 

“Ok um. Good luck with um whatever you’re working on.” Eduardo fumbles with the weight of the words in his mouth. Three days. The familiarity stings like a slap in the face. Three days. This is Mark punishing him. 

Mark can’t help but feel disappointed. He wants Eduardo to fight harder. Mark is reminded of seeing Erica that last time in the club. He hates being reminded of that desperate loneliness and his future attempts to fill it with Facebook. In the end, Mark fought for Eduardo. He would have fought tooth and nail but Eduardo wanted a settlement. Eduardo wanted to give up so he could cut and run. Now Mark wants Eduardo to fight for him. But Eduardo is just letting him go. Just like that. He thinks bitterly that he is worth less to Eduardo than Eduardo is to him. He has a strange urge to laugh. 

In the past, Eduardo learnt that if he takes punishment gracefully, it circumvents greater pain (it is the mark of a great man, he remembers his father telling him). So Eduardo doesn’t fight. He can see that this ‘break’ is justified for what he put Mark through. Then he thinks, NO. Fuck that. Even when he took his punishment with as much grace as a kid does knowing that he’ll get thrashed, he was beaten anyway. Mark is going to bar him for the next three days anyway; he might as well earn his exile. He lets out a shaky breath, feeling sweat prickle at the back of his neck. 

“Look. I know it’s been really hard lately. I’m sorry. Believe me, I am very sorry. I know it’s not an excuse but I have a lot on my plate right now. I’ve never done anything like this before. I know I screwed up. Just. Don’t be mad at me. Please. I don’t want to leave it like this.” He didn’t want to leave Mark at all. No matter what he says and does, everything feels like a lie. He can’t say what he really feels, what he means because there are no words for it. The words come out wrong. 

Mark blinks. “I’m not mad at you.” Eduardo’s face twitches, Mark can almost see the :( he is projecting. (He notes idly that Eduardo just needs a greater than symbol to make a >:( face. It strikes him as significant somehow.) “What do you want me to say?”

Eduardo wants to tear his hair out, hopelessness giving in to anger. “God, I tried Mark. I’m trying. I’m sorry. I said I’m sorry. Why isn’t anything good enough for you?”

“I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry,” Mark snaps. “I just- You-” All he wants is to hear Eduardo missed him. That he won’t give up on them. Eduardo isn’t saying what he wants to hear and he doesn’t know how to ask. 

Eduardo can barely make out Mark’s face with him sitting back, shrinking from the camera but he can hear perfectly clearly that Mark is upset. “You what, Mark?” Eduardo presses, his frustration bursting through. 

Mark feels a shiver go up his spine. He recognizes it as the same tone Erica had in her voice in the campus bar that night. Right before she dumped him. “Nothing.” There is no point in explaining. Mark doesn’t want to hear the excuses. His plan is simple: he is not going to let Eduardo break up with him. If he’s going to do it, he’ll have to say it to Mark’s face. Mark feels a stab of pain hit him with the thought. “I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.” He signs off. 

Eduardo is stunned as Mark’s image blinks out. Mark has always projected the image that he thinks he’s better than everyone else (a hazard of the job when one is the head of a company and is actually intellectually superior). Eduardo would have never imagined he would hear such self-doubt come from Mark. Where did that come from?

 **ESaverin:** You know that’s not true.  
Don’t be like this.  
Mark?  
Come on.  
If you’re on and reading this, I’m sorry.

He tries calling Mark but it goes to voicemail. He doesn’t leave a message. Mark isn’t in the mood to listen. The only way he would be able to get him to listen is if he could be right in front of him. 

Eduardo gives into his immature impulse (it’s his, he can do what he likes) and throws his phone at the wall. It breaks. He regrets it a bit but he’s not going to need it anyway. 

*

Mark is not as young as he was. After he turned Skype off, he downed a few shots of his Emergency Alcohol (kept in an undisclosed location) even though he is at work. It’s one of the few perks of being the CEO. He can do whatever he wants (within reason). So in the dark of his office, he can get drunk if he damn well wants to. (As long as he doesn’t take a photo of it and, like, post it on Facebook. Not that it’d get him fired, he’s young enough to laugh it off but it’ll be a PR mess especially after…yeah. He’ll have to answer awkward questions for at least a year. He’s been there, done that. Plus he promised Chris that it was a one time thing. Chris be so pissed off. Or worse, he’d be _disappointed._ ) The thought alone is enough to kill his buzz. He takes another shot. Mark may have passed out and/or fallen asleep for a while. He was pretty tired. 

Someone is tapping his cheek. Fingers pressing to the side of his neck. He sees two blurry shapes that sound like Chris and Dustin. Dustin’s hand is still touching Mark’s neck. It tickles a bit. “’m fine,” Mark says, a small giggle escaping him. He waves to them to prove it. He’s probably on the floor. He can’t really tell because the room is spinning. They are whispering furiously. He knows that are talking about him but he’s glad that they are keeping their voices down. His mouth feels dry and he can feel a headache coming on. 

“He was fine!” Dustin hisses, kneeling on the floor beside Mark. “I swear I only left him for two hours because I had y’know, actual work to do.”

“You could have gotten me to…”

“You were resting and you needed it. I figured three hours tops. Plus I got Carla to check in on him. She said he was fine, he was busy like normal. I would have never left him if I thought I’d find him like this again,” the last word is muttered under his breath, barely audible. It’s the first rule of Facebook Club. Or maybe the second. There are a lot of secrets between them, it’s getting hard to keep track. “I should’ve locked up the alcohol.”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have- Dustin. You’re freaking out. You need to calm down. Mark’s fine. He’s drunk but fine.”

Mark can see Chris’s arm on Dustin in a familiar gesture of comfort, it hurts a little. He’s jealous that it seems so easy for them. Mark is going to be alone. (The pathetic paradox of having the most established social networking website and he can’t even keep his boyfriend. Best friend to ex-best friend to lover to nothing. The media will love it. Twice a failure or is it three times now since he was a failure before it all. Something must be wrong with him.)

“C’mon lets get you up,” Chris says firmly. 

A little over a week of barely sleeping plus five weeks of fucking up his already unsound sleep schedule, the stress of maintaining the façade of not-waiting is too much. Dustin shoves the trashcan at Mark, already anticipating the inevitable. He had expected this to happen earlier (he had noticed the added alcohol in Mark’s drinks, he just didn’t say anything because he hoped it was a one-off even though he had that gut feeling tell him otherwise).

“Thanks,” Mark croaks. He’s not surprised that he sounds like shit warmed over. 

“You shouldn’t- You can’t keep doing this.” There’s an undertone Mark catches and he hears ‘we can’t keep doing this’. Mark feels his heart clench. Everyone leaves him. “You’re not in college anymore, this is starting to get like-” They never talk about it. Maybe they should. But not right now. “You’re wasted. You’re hurting yourself. You scared the bejesus out of me. You need to go home, get sober. Even if it’s just for a little bit. We can come with you, if you like. You need to get out of the office and-”

“Okay.”

“-it’d be good for you. You can’t just- wait did you just agree with me?”

“Yes. You’re right. I can’t keep doing this. I’m sorry I’ve been difficult. I’m taking the rest of today off.” At Dustin’s goldfish impression, Mark adds, “And tomorrow. I’m just saving this now and I’m going.”

Chris frowns. Mark has been working really hard lately and he deserves a break but something feels off. Mark doesn’t take breaks. Not unless Eduardo dresses up as a cop and cuffs him to the bed and he so did not need to know that (he blames Dustin). Mark doesn’t even like going home early unless he knows Eduardo’s going to be there. Chris assumes that the whole reason why Mark hasn’t gone home in the past eight and a half days is because he doesn’t want to be reminded of Eduardo’s absence. It’s not the best way to cope but at least he and Dustin can keep an eye on him. Still, Mark is an adult. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t go home to rest. It’s a good thing and they should encourage that. It’s perfectly normal. Chris forces a smile. “Sure. If you need anything, like, anything-”

“I’ll be fine Chris, Dustin. I can take care of myself.” Mark tries to aim withering looks at Chris and Dustin’s dismayed expressions but he suspects it comes off more as a grimace. “Thanks for taking care of me but it’s really not necessary.”

It really is. They’ve spent the past few weeks picking up after Mark, making sure he doesn’t start believing he’s a computer. It’s frighteningly reminiscent of Before. Before Wardo came back, Mark had been…inconsolable. Chris and Dustin had tried their best to patch Mark up but sometimes Chris wonders if they ever found all the pieces of Mark.

Mark goes for subtle manipulation, deflecting the attention from himself. “I need you to look after Facebook HQ. You know I won’t be able to leave if I’m worried about it. And if I don’t leave, I won’t be able to rest properly.”

Dustin detects the change from topic, his eyes flickering to Chris. They have a quick silent conversation. Dustin decides that Chris should do it. He’s better at humoring Mark and he’s like the most patient one out of them. Well, excluding Eduardo but Eduardo is like a superhero so it doesn’t count. 

Chris says carefully, “I think maybe you should have someone stay with you.”

“I’m not going to try and kill myself if that’s what you’re worried about,” Mark says flatly, lips stretched into a thin line, bleeding the color out of them. “I promised ok? I just need some time by myself.” The truth is good but it’s ugly and it goes down better with a bit of flattery. The key is to act like you don’t want something. If you sound like you want it badly, it’s suspicious and you show your cards. Mark is an excellent poker player. “You were right. I can’t keep doing this.” 

It’s as close to an admission as they’ll get from Mark. Chris sighs, his blue eyes locking onto Mark’s. “Call us if you need anything. Check in with us tomorrow. Before noon. No exceptions. Do that and we’ll leave you alone. And I’ll have security make sure you get home. You know the drill.”

Mark groans and rolls his eyes. He can recall when Dustin started a ‘Take Your Boss Home (his home don’t be dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty)’ roster on the communal staff wall in the early days before it got really bad. Security was better than getting, say, an intern. His interns are unsurprisingly good at dealing with drunken people due to their own high alcohol tolerance but they still tended to put him on a pedestal. Even after Eduardo suing him for being an asshole. He was really lucky to have his employees look up to him, that he can still amaze them. But when he’s drunk, appearing brilliant is the last thing he wants to be. Security was an unexpectedly bearable, even pleasant, compromise. Security personnel don’t want to chat and they are the most discreet staff in the workplace. Another great thing was that they had no trouble carrying him if he passed out on the way. With the interns, he’s woken up with bruises all over his body and carpet burn on his back on top of a killer hangover. It’s been a while. It’s mortifying to be reminded of his irresponsible and self-destructive behavior. Apparently he hasn’t changed. 

“Alright.”

Then maybe he has. The old Mark would have at least put up a token fight to being treated like mental patient that needs to be supervised. He would have been too proud to accept help and he would have resented the idea that he needs it. But Mark is still kind of drunk and tired. He lets it go. 

*

They don’t even have to say a word, just a shift of the eyes and a barely perceptible turn of the head. They’re going to check up on him. Dustin is glad that Chris is on the same page as him. 

Mark left with Security, now it’s only him and Chris in the office. Chris has his shoes off, legs twisted into a pretzel on the couch, papers in his lap, pen in his mouth. He swears he doesn’t chew pens but Dustin knows the pens would testify otherwise even if the teeth marks are faint. It reminds him of Chris studying on his bed back in the dorms. Dustin’s bed was across from his and sometimes, he swears he could feel Chris staring at him but he was never able to catch the sneaky blond. (Well he did once but it was because Chris wanted to be caught.) 

Dustin has his laptop under his arm, he’s watching Chris from the door. He feels shaky from finding Mark. Again. 

Dustin wishes they still had the surveillance cams set up in Mark’s house. Dustin figures out Mark must have felt guilty enough about Dustin finding him because even if he couldn’t remove them, he could have always hacked the network to turn them off or done something to stop Dustin. It helped that Dustin was able to see Mark, alive and breathing. Dustin is lucky Chris understands this (Chris always understands Dustin, it’s one of Dustin’s favorite things about him), even though his therapist said it was unhealthy. Yeah well, Mark is the definition of unhealthy so Dustin didn’t really think it mattered on the scale of fucked-up-ness. You only have to outrun the person in front of you, right?

The cameras were forgotten until well…Mark’s vacation earlier on in the year. Then they were removed after Eduardo freaked out It was so funny to see him get extremely paranoid even if it’s justified. (“How did you know?”, “Seriously, how did you know what I was wearing?”…”wait you WHAT? You saw WHAT?”) Mark was “DUSTIN!” and Not Amused but it wasn’t like he didn’t know about them. Mark isn’t shy anyway. So Dustin may have watched his ex-roommate-slash-friend-slash-boss have sex. With another ex-almost-roommate-slash-friend. He’s seen Mark jerk off (it was an accident!) and he’s walked in on Mark ’n’ Eduardo (the fans have got it right, he can see why people shipped them before they jumped into a ship together). Okay maybe Dustin did abuse the surveillance camera system once because he was drunk and horny. Or twice. No one’s counting. But it’s not like he recorded it and uploaded it anywhere. It’s a secure connection. He just…streamed it and maybe jerked off to it. 

Plus, Chris actually punished him for it (read: he gave him a long and boring lecture before spanking with a bigass wooden paddle which is less funny/sexy than it sounds because it really, really hurt) and he literally couldn’t sit down properly for a week and a half. He had, honest to blog, bruises and blisters on his ass. Which Chris took pictures of and sent to Mark as an apology. Mark had a smug grin for at least two weeks (and still occasionally threatens to tell on him to Chris as a joke) so Dustin doesn’t feel too bad about the Gross Violation of Privacy Incident. If Mark were a normal person (Dustin scoffs at the mere idea because Mark and normal don’t belong in the same sentence), he could try hacking and using Mark’s laptop cam since he’s on it so much but Mark would never let himself be so easy. (Dustin may have tried Eduardo’s laptop too but Mark knew him too well. Eduardo’s laptop has been Dustin-proofed too.)

Which reminds Dustin of their present predicament. An Eduardo-less Mark, drunk and alone, with access to all sorts of ways to self-harm. It is the Eduardo-less part that worries Dustin the most, especially if Mark really believes that Eduardo will leave him. Dustin’s hands go clammy at the thought. If he feels fucking anxious like he has bugs crawling under his skin, he can’t imagine how Mark must feel. 

“It really scared me to him like that, lying on the floor, I still feel kind of freaked out,” Dustin admits, putting his laptop down on Mark’s desk, shuddering at the image that comes too easily to his mind. He will never ever forget that moment, finding Mark sprawled face-down on the floor, mouth open. He can still remember the way his blood felt like ice and his heart stopped. They could have lost Mark. The stupid idiot. Dustin is the one who has to live with the flashbacks when he walks into Mark’s office. If he hadn’t called Wardo- Dustin wants to punch Mark in the face for being so careless now. “Even though I could see he was breathing. I just-I worry.” He tries to lighten up the conversation. He puts on a jovial tone, “Me? Worry? Huh, who would’ve thought?”

“Yeah,” Chris says with a piercing look, blue eyes glinting. He can see through Dustin’s feeble attempt at playing off his concern. Dustin reverts to jokes when he doesn’t know how to deal. Dustin had been the one to find Mark but Chris had been the one to find Dustin heaving into a trashcan outside Mark’s office, a shivering and miserable mess. “C’mere.” Chris put his reading down and opens his arms. Dustin’s leaves his laptop behind and burrows himself into Chris’s side. (The blinds are up, Chris must have wanted some natural light or some shit. Dustin doesn’t care and Mark won’t care. Having Mark as a boss can be good for some things.)

Chris looks down at his new brown-haired barnacle. “D’you remember what Dr Sherman said about the ‘Finding Nemo’ principle?”

Dustin cracks a hesitant smile and nods, head rubbing against Chris’s shoulder. 

“You can’t be responsible for everything Mark does or doesn’t do. You can’t lock up all the alcohol and take away the sharp objects.” The ‘you’ is sounding accusatory so Chris switches to the more inclusive ‘we’. They are doing this together. They’re on the same team, they can’t be divided now. “Well, we can try but we’ll wear ourselves out. As much as you and I want to, we can’t take away the hurt inside him. He has to want not to hurt himself,” Chris swallows. It’s not an easy thing to say about someone you care about. More gently, “We just have to trust him.” Chris didn’t want to say trust Mark, he knows what he’s doing. Because Mark does know what he is doing and that is the worst part. He has mastered the art of self-harm – flirting with the flame enough to burn but not enough to be reduced to ashes. (Until he loses control, having built up an inevitable tolerance to his own poison, driven mad with the craving for more pain so he can punish himself.) Mark isn’t showing any signs of problems but then he'd fooled them before. Mark has had years of practice in perfecting his game face. If Mark was really set on doing anything, Chris doubted anyone would be able to stop him. Not even Eduardo.

“Maybe a break will be good,” Chris says in a look-on-the-bright-side tone of voice but he has trouble sounding convinced. “Eduardo will be back on Sunday night, right? It’s less than a week. The best thing for us to do is to make sure Mark has nothing else to worry about.” 

It’s Tuesday evening. Sunday feels too far away. Life is going to fuck them six ways to Sunday. It’s the Mark’s Law of Eduardolessness. “I think we should check up on him. Just in case.” Dustin has an itch to get his phone out to see if Mark’s home yet. 

“We promised to leave him alone. Let him check in okay? If you crowd him-”

Dustin sits up. “He’ll run. Blah blah blah adjusting time, yeah I know,” Dustin says grumpily, a hand smoothing down his hair. His trademark close crop is getting long. He looks like he did in college again. It’s like no matter how far they move, it always comes back to that – the four of them in Kirkland. Facebook HQ feels like a bigger Kirkland. Him and Mark code, Chris does the smooth-talking and Eduardo supports Mark quietly. Mark has always been oblivious to his obvious need for Wardo. “We should totally take a holiday after this.”

Chris squeezes Dustin’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing slow circles on the taut muscles, easing some of the tension. “You’re doing great.”

Dustin lets out a moan that is positively pornographic. “’Cause I have you. I don’t know how you do it.” When Chris lets go of him, he mourns the contact. 

“Bitch please, it’s because I’m fabulous,” Chris says in a high-pitched voice, fluttering his eyelashes and fanning himself before putting one hand on his hip, the other flopping into a parody of a limp wrist. He looks like a teapot. 

Dustin cracks up, almost choking on his own spit. “Dude, warn a guy because you break out Princess Chris!”

When Dustin’s laughing fit has tapered down, Chris says with a grin, “Someone has to hold down the fort.”

“Man, Mark owes us so bad,” Dustin complains into Chris’s chest. “Like his firstborn kid and the internets.”

Chris chuckles. Dustin loves the gentle vibrations coming from Chris, almost like Chris can transfer his happiness to him. Chris pushes his head away. “You are such a troll.”

“Pffft, you love me.”

“A tiny bit,” Chris says, just to see Dustin pout, his red lips a stark contrast to his pale skin. Chris sighs mentally at the amount of work they’ll have to catch up on but he slips a hand in the side of the couch for the remote. He lowers the blinds letting the room slowly go dim (Dustin is right: Mark totally owes them and he’s planning on cashing in). In a husky voice, “Maybe an inch more than that.” 

Dustin’s eyes widen in surprise, they’re using the Wardo shades to have sex in Mark’s office. He suppresses a giggle. Dustin cocks his head instead and scrunches up his face in what is supposed to look like a thoughtful look (though Chris thinks it makes him look constipated, in an endearing way of course). He says, “Hmmm, I’d say at least six inches.” Dustin whispers in Chris’s ear, his hand on Chris’s thigh, moving upwards. It’s almost dark, the desk lamp being the only source of light but it could be pitch black and it wouldn’t matter. He knows Chris’s body like the core code of Facebook. 

Chris lets Dustin clamber in between his legs as he lays back. He hooks his arms behind Dustin’s neck, capturing his boyfriend’s lips in a sweet kiss as he grinds their erections together. They let their worries fall away, it’s just the two of them and it’s enough. 

*

It’s a modest sized place to house two billionaires. They have four bedrooms to spare – of which one is a guest room and the remaining three are filled with various state-of-the-art gadgets and entertainment systems. They have one room dedicated to gaming. (And yes, he still rents because he spends most of his time at Facebook HQ and he doesn’t really care; because buying a house is bothersome and he’d probably have to build one to his own specifications before he can be satisfied; because he and Eduardo would have to talk about stuff like their relationship, commitment and god forbid kids of any sort; because Chris says it makes him look ‘more normal’ to the press whatever that means; and because he likes to see big wigs and smooth suits try not to stutter when they say ‘that’s nice, good for you’ to his face.) 

Mark slides the key into the lock of his home. It’s quiet and dark. This isn’t too bad, Mark thinks. 

He’s kidding himself. He’s home before dinner, voluntarily, on a Tuesday evening. He would have bet against himself. For someone who has never taken a day off unless he’s been forced to (Eduardo has his _ways_ of persuasion), this is crazy. The last time he took some time off, Eduardo had planned a romantic getaway to somewhere Mark can’t remember where but they spent the entire vacation time at home. In bed. He had to admit it was fun. Mark is on vacation now, mostly voluntarily but Eduardo isn’t here. He wants to call up Eduardo and say ‘hey look, I did it’ but then he remembers what he’s done. He’s made himself to be a liar, he lied to Eduardo. He was, is hurt and maybe he wanted, wants Eduardo to miss him.

Wardo. 

He misses him like it shouldn’t be possible. He needs to see him, hold him, be with him so much he feels like his chest hurts. It’s only psychosomatic. It’s not real, he’d scoffed. Except the pain in his chest has gone past his threshold of acceptability – enough for him to start self-medicating. Generously. Now that he’s home, it feels even worse. This is the reason why he didn’t want to go home. This is their home. In every corner, there are photos, belongings and memories. 

He sees Eduardo’s jackets hanging in the walk in closet, a picture of them on his dresser and a note left on Mark’s bed stand. His pillow is on Mark’s side of the bed. Mark would prefer not to sleep in the bed because, just because. (Don’t ask. This is the one time he can be glad they don’t have a housekeeper, he doesn’t have to explain to anyone). Eduardo caught on after his second trip and became very concerned in the way Mark knew he would be (he made Mark promise to use the bed because “I don’t want to exile you every time I have a business trip” then he sadfaced Mark hard and Mark had to give in). Still, Mark tried not to sleep on Eduardo’s side because it’s his side, even if he stole Eduardo’s pillow (it’s not like he needs it). Now, it’s been over a month. It doesn’t smell like Eduardo anymore. He feels like he imagined it all. Maybe Eduardo didn’t forgive him. Maybe Eduardo only told him he loved him because he was such a pitiful wreck (and maybe it had more to do with Chris and Dustin being convincing) and now he regrets it. 

There is a part of him, when he’s with Eduardo that he can’t turn off, it lurks at the back of his mind and Mark hates it. Mark hates that he always looks for signs of Eduardo faking it, judging him by the ridiculously sweet things Eduardo does for him to his orgasms. He hates that he dreads Eduardo waking up one day and dumping him for a laugh. Now you know how it feels like, he would say. He hates that it bothers him so much. Yet if it’s true, Mark knows there’s nothing he can do to stop Eduardo. It’s nothing that he didn’t do to Eduardo. He dropped Eduardo for Facebook. He can’t blame Eduardo if he drops him for work, it’s justified. He doesn’t deserve him. That scares him more than anything. 

Mark goes over to Eduardo’s side of the closet and noses his shirts, inhaling deeply. Ignoring his brainvoice which tells him he’s being stupid and creepy, he slides one of Eduardo’s favorite jackets off the hanger and hugs it to his chest. He is startled to find his eyes stinging. He blinks rapidly. He can feel his tenuous hold on his self-control slipping. There’s a tickle at the back of his throat again like he wants to laugh. He can’t do it (he tries, it sounds like he’s choking). He forces himself to put it back, letting go of the silky black material finger by finger. He swallows, the tickle doesn’t go away. 

Saying a silent apology to Dustin and Chris, he goes to the liquor cabinet and takes out a bottle of vodka. 

*

Eduardo feels bad about breaking his phone, especially when he’s cleaning up his mess. It reminds him of all the times he’s had to do this, on his knees, his vision blurry and every inhale sounding suspiciously like a sniff, trying to ignore the throbbing ache in his behind. He has an urge to scurry away the pieces of his broken phone like a boy scared that he’ll be caught for breaking something. (His father would say it’s a waste of resources resulting from a temper tantrum that he should have grown out of and probably something along the lines of how he continues to disappoint him. His father would probably have a lot more to say. He supposes he is lucky that his father is too far along in his years to whip him now – he doubts he’d ever be too old for his father to consider ‘correcting’ him.) He puts the pieces of the phone in a plastic bag in his luggage, he tells himself it’s because he doesn’t want to create a bigger mess out of it and if people found out, they might assume bad things. It’d be bad for the company. 

He waits as patiently as he can. Eduardo understands why Mark for is throwing the three days back at him, even if it’s unfair. It’s a little childish but they’ve both had their share of that. Mark is punishing him. Part of Eduardo is still frustrated and he gets a maybe a tiny moment of vindictive satisfaction from knowing that if Mark is trying to get him back, he’s hurting himself too. _This will hurt me more than it’ll hurt you._ The thought is grim and sobering. Eduardo knows, mostly via secondhand reports, that the three years he was gone, Mark had worked himself to the ground as some kind of penance which culminated in a breakdown. He knows because even Chris couldn’t cover up the paparazzi shots of Mark being reckless because some dickheads wanted to take advantage of a vulnerable Mark. Chris definitely couldn’t cover up the ambulance that had been called to Facebook HQ. Eduardo knows all of this in the way that Chris and Dustin still hover like they are afraid Mark will slip and fall. 

They are sketchy on the details which can only mean that Mark swore them to a friendship version of a Non-Disclosure Agreement. Even when pressed Dustin, the biggest snoop in Facebook HQ, wouldn’t spill. He looked at Eduardo reproachfully and said, “Please don’t ask me. I can’t answer that okay? It’s not my place to tell. If you really want to know, you should ask Mark.” Dustin is a lot more perceptive than people give him credit for. In any case, he can read Eduardo’s skepticism easily. “If he doesn’t want to tell you, it’s not about you. Y'know, Chris and I went to therapy like, after. It was mostly me but Chris was there for some of it. Anyway, I had to learn to be okay with not knowing everything about Mark, to stop worrying about the things I couldn’t control, to stop trying to put him in a box and protect him. Let it go or it’ll drive you crazy.”

So Eduardo never asks because Mark would probably resent him for digging it up and shut him out again. Eduardo concluded that it was so bad that Mark never wants him to find out because it would probably make Eduardo feel five hundred million times more guilty than he already did. Except that logic sucks because not knowing is worse. It’s like being made to bend over and wait while an implement is being chosen, you imagine the worst. Somehow Eduardo gets the feeling Mark is being Mark, i.e. oblivious, and he probably doesn’t think it’s that important. And if it’s not to Mark, then Eduardo doesn’t need to know (except Mark didn’t think he needed to know about the Cease and Desist which ended up as a lawsuit so Eduardo thinks he has a valid point). Eduardo has to temper down the part of him that tells him he’s not just everyone; he’s Mark’s…significant other. He feels like he should know these things, that he has a right to know Mark’s secrets, that maybe he could help. But he also knows that to Mark, living with Eduardo and admitting to him that he misses him – it’s everything. 

The truth about the three years was that Eduardo had already forgiven Mark before he apologized. It wasn’t the money from the settlement and it didn’t happen straight away after the depositions. Eduardo saw Mark, miserable in all the articles on Google News even if he was announcing good news to the shareholders or supposedly having a good time. Eduardo could see through it all. Mark had been pretending to enjoy partying regularly, Mark playing the I-don’t-give-a-fuck-anymore-I’m-successful card, Mark with a bright smile for the press though Eduardo could see he was thin and haggard. Mark had managed to fool everyone. But whenever Eduardo saw the ‘new, party animal Mark’, he hurt for him. Because it didn’t even look or sound like Mark anymore. Eduardo had suspected that maybe something wasn’t right but he had been too cowardly to do anything about it then. 

He regrets not fighting the “he deserves it” vein of thought because maybe Mark did deserve it but watching it knowing that he could have done something to stop the Mark train wreck - it didn’t feel right to watch him crash and burn. It didn’t make him feel better, it wasn’t remotely even in the realm of comforting. Eduardo had always gotten what he allegedly deserved and hadn’t he wished that someone would give him a Get Out of Jail Free pass? Hadn’t he himself begged for mercy when he faced a beating and he was still hurting from the last one? He regrets not showing more mercy to Mark. He didn’t kick Mark while he was down but he hadn’t stopped Mark from beating himself up either. Sure, Eduardo did forgive him and they ended up together but Eduardo still feels responsible for what he did, indirectly, to Mark. Somewhere along the way, he made Mark feel that he could be successful and somehow still not good enough for Eduardo. This is what he did to Mark. It makes Eduardo feel like an asshole. It’s worse because Eduardo knows intimately what it’s like to feel like a constant failure, he hates it and he vowed never to do it to his own children. Then he went and did it to his boyfriend and he didn’t even know. They were going well and he thought they could make it work. Then everything just spun out of control and they are back at square one again. It seems that they are always getting set back. 

(It’s not working.)

*

Mark wakes up with his face pressed to the edge of the bathtub. He’s half-sitting, half-lying on the bathroom floor. He sits up slowly. The room is spinning. He feels sick. This pain is familiar. 

He doesn’t look in the bathroom mirror. If he looks half as bad as he feels, he’d look utterly pathetic. Plus, he feels stiff and the bathroom basin looks too high from where he’s sprawled even though he’d really like to rinse his mouth out. As he shifts, the mobile phone in his pocket is digging into his thigh. 

He looks at the time. It’s morning but not too early. Mark has learnt that there’s an art to checking in. If you do it too late it says either I-forgot or it says I-was-dreading-this-here-let-me-flash-you-a-neon-sign-saying-I-have-problems. Either way it reeks of not being ready to be left alone like a big boy. But if you do it too early it says I’m-so-nervous or I-didn’t-sleep-oh-hi-does-this-still-count. That too becomes a cause for concern. It’s 9 am. It’s a good time. The upside is Chris and Dustin should just be getting to work so they’ll get the message and likely be too busy to call in. 

_hey dustin i am fine_

Mark erases the word ‘fine’. It’ll probably throw up warning flags everywhere faster than he could throw up. He deletes the message with a swipe of his finger and tries again, fingers tapping on his touchscreen harder than necessary. 

_im ok. say hi to chris for me. thx._

He leans against the cool tiles and waits for most of the nausea to subside. Then he rinses his mouth out. He drinks a glass of water and makes himself toast. He manages to eat most of it. He takes some aspirin, one more than is necessary but he figures he’ll need it. When he still feels shitty, he puts vodka in his OJ. Hair of the dog. It’ll work. 

This feels familiar. He’s been down this road before. It’s a dangerous one to flirt with. It’s not a long term cure but he doesn’t need it to be. He justifies to himself, just enough to get him past the weekend. Then he’ll…he’ll figure what to do. He’s been alone before. He’s been without Eduardo for three years. So what if he hated it? It’s none of anyone’s business what he does as long as he’s able to keep up with his work. Chris and Dustin have each other. Mark will deal with it. 

Mark knows Eduardo is online and has been on for a while. Obviously, Mark is online too. Eduardo is a just click away (not that he knows of course since Mark has invisible-mode enabled). Mark’s eyes travel over to the last message. 1 day ago. _If you’re on and reading this, I’m sorry._ To Mark, it sounds more like “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault we grew apart”. It sounds like “I’m sorry, I don’t want to break up with you but it’s not working”. It’s an apology Mark could have done without. Because “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean that Mark is good enough for him. It doesn’t mean Eduardo will stay. 

Mark decides to keep himself shitfaced. Puking is painful but at least he doesn’t have to think. He knows how to do it so he won’t have to go to the hospital. The key is to pace himself and drink enough water. He even eats a little in between so he won’t pass out with the lack of food. “See? I can take care of myself,” he says, waving a half empty bottle of wine at the empty house. 

Mark has a pretty high alcohol tolerance. It’s not as high as it was but it’s good enough. So while he gets drunk, he is still able to think lucidly. He doesn’t want to think so he does random quizzes on Facebook. He somehow gets himself sorted into Hufflepuff when he does the sorting quiz. He blames the alcohol. He does the “How long would you last in the Zombie Apocalypse?” and survives the Zombie apocalypse (as he knew he would because he’s definitely smarter than a re-animated lump of decayed meat). 

He does the “How Gay are you?” quiz and imagines Chris raging against the homosexual stereotyping. He’s feeling drunk and stupid. Mark giggles, no one would believe this shit. The question “What is the pitch of your voice?” has “low”, “high”, “sounds like the opposite sex”, “either a little high or a little low” and “kinda low with occasional unintentional pearks of high” (the spelling error indicates this quiz is likely made by a drunk/stupid author therefore it’s not likely to be accurate and he should stop but he is curious and somewhat amused). He feels self-conscious testing his own voice out. He’s talking to himself while doing a fuckton of Facebook quizzes like a bored teenager, it’s a new low. He clicks “either a little high or a little low” even though that makes no sense whatsoever. He breezes through facial hair (‘no’), religion (‘I hate them’ because he’s not in the mood for God right now) and brothers (‘0’). 

When Mark gets to the family background question, he’s given the choices:  
\- A single parent who didn’t love you  
\- A dysfunctional family with someone who loved you  
\- A single parent who loved you/ other  
\- A normal family with one loving parent  
\- A normal family with two loving parents

He wonders why the author of the quiz listed the unloving single parent as an option but didn’t list the unloving normal family. Whatever. The person who made the quiz probably assigned the answers randomly as a joke. For Mark, it’s easy. He’s the last option and he knows he’s really lucky to have had that. Not that he was a bad kid but he was not the easiest kid to raise with a high intellectual capacity and being constantly labeled as ‘anti-social’ and ‘emotionally stunted’ by concerned teachers and guidance counselors. There were lots of parent-teacher conferences. But his parents listened to him and were pretty lax and supportive. The worst thing they ever did was to take his computer away for skipping classes. He was always home anyway so grounding was useless. Okay so he might have tried to build a computer from scratch when they took his computer away. His Dad caught him at it and said he’d help him out if he did extra chores. They talked, Mark said that he was bored. School was too easy. So his Dad signed him up for classes at the community college. With that new challenge, Mark stopped skipping classes. His parents never laid a hand on him. They rarely even raised their voices to him. Mark’s parents believed in talking it out and it worked. 

He thinks Eduardo is option two, four or three (‘other’). From the little he knows, Mark remembers that Eduardo’s mother used to call him about once or twice a month while he was in Harvard. She is most probably still married to Eduardo’s father since those calls also coincided with calls from his father. Mark thinks Eduardo’s mom loved him (but if she really loved Eduardo then why didn’t she stop her husband from saying and maybe doing nasty things to her son?) It occurs to him that he doesn’t know much about Eduardo’s family apart from the fact that Mr Saverin senior is really harsh on Eduardo (“my father won’t even look at me” and “you don’t know what this will mean to my father”). More than once Mark has wondered if Eduardo’s father ever hit Eduardo. And why Eduardo would still defer to his father even after what he did. (Mark maybe has a hidden file in his mind that catalogues his suspicions. Eduardo hates violence of any sort. Mark has never seen him hit anybody. Ok that might just make him a pacifist but Mark also saw the way Eduardo paled when he saw the pictures Chris sent. He certainly didn’t think it was funny and he never made fun of Dustin even in the days following. Mark thought it was hilarious that Chris totally PWNED Dustin. Dustin acting all wounded after was kind of funny too. Mark is also curious about whether it was really as painful as it looked or if Dustin just bruised easily and, in any case, why on Google Earth Dustin would actually let Chris paddle him that hard. Or at all. It didn’t look like fun. Mark is sure Dustin actually didn’t sit for a few days. It makes Mark wonder if Eduardo knows what that’s like. If Eduardo has ever been hit that severely, how young he was, what for and if it was his father that did it.) 

Mark has never understood parents hitting kids. He might be an asshole sometimes but there is something extra bastardly in hitting a kid who is too young to understand and too young to fight back. Even he knows kids have accidents and make mistakes because they’re young. And if the kid was old enough to understand then why do you need to hit them? It seems like a wasteful and unnecessarily cruel thing to do. He’s glad his parents never did because he would never have stood for it. He doesn’t get how someone could just lie there and let someone hurt them (or pinning someone down to hurt them). All of this makes him feel uncomfortable. (Chris and Dustin are different because it’s their weird kinky thing even though he wouldn’t have pinned Dustin to be a masochist but he wouldn’t have thought Chris a sadist either). He puts it down to a random combination thing (maybe they bring out those parts of themselves when they are with each other) and he leaves it at that. Whatever floats their boat. Mark has no desire to have Eduardo hit him and Eduardo has never indicated that he would wants to. He also doesn’t want to hit Eduardo and hopes that Eduardo won’t ask it of him. Ever. (Mark cannot forget the way Eduardo froze when he saw the pictures. When Eduardo saw the message and realized it was Dustin’s bruises, he looked away, saying quietly, “He didn’t have to do that.” He sounded concerned, upset.) The thought of hitting someone consensually makes him feel queasy. The though not doing it consensually just sounds wrong, like child abuse. Especially leaving bruises that don’t heal for _days_. 

So Eduardo doesn’t like to talk about his family if it means mentioning his father who may or may not have beaten him. Mark has no concrete proof so he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. It’s not necessarily evil, it’s not really Mark’s business, right? They’ve been together what…six months? Mark’s deliberately keeps it vague and forces himself not to calculate the exact time (#1 he is not sure where the count would begin since he and Eduardo have been friends for a long time and there are the three years in between to take into account. #2 it began during a time he’d rather not think about in any sort of detail.) At least two of those six months, they were apart. He hasn’t had to “meet the parents” and he tells himself he’s glad. Mr Saverin sounds like an asshole and Wardo would tell him that he can’t call him that. He tells himself that he isn’t worried that Wardo is ashamed of him. That Wardo thinks they might not last so he didn’t even bother. That Wardo planned to leave him all along. No, they’re just busy. Too busy. Maybe Eduardo’s protecting him. Even this raises more questions than answers. (Why? From whom? From himself or his father? Did Eduardo’s father damage him somehow? Does he need to hire a hitman, a lawyer? Or is Mark the one that’s messed up? Is that why Eduardo will leave him?) 

Turning back to the quiz, Mark scoffs at the next question of where he wants to live when he’s older. He’s older now and he thinks it makes little difference really. He can’t remember what he wanted. He’s not sure of what he wants now aside from Eduardo (so maybe it’s stupid and cheesy but he doesn’t really care about where he lives as long as Eduardo is with him). He clicks ‘other’ absently. His result pops up in a small box:

> _You are the definition of straight. Your friends don't think you are gay and neither does anyone else you meet. You often can be seen with the opposite sex, but your long-term intentions are almost always never friendship only. While you have many straight friends, your relationship to them can be described as the typical friendships. You wouldn't be caught dead in anything gay, ever._

He drinks another mouthful of beer. He publishes the result to his wall for a laugh.

He does a few more and finds out that he’s Kirk in ‘Star Trek’, Draco Malfoy in ‘Harry Potter’, Nathan in ‘One Tree Hill’, Ryan in ‘The OC’ and…Arwen in ‘Lord of the Rings’. The quizzes are stupid but mindless and comfortingly predictable. He sees two new notifications pop up in the bottom left hand corner of his screen. Dustin liked his result as Arwen and commented on it. 

Dustin Moskovitz: i can c u. So dis is wat u do wen ur on vacay. U R jus lyk every1 else :O o how the mighty has fallen :P  
Mark Zuckerberg: Go back to work.  
Dustin Moskovitz: ure no fun T_T

Dustin has been worried about Mark ever since he found him passed out in a puddle of his own vomit and barely breathing. Probably before that too but he’d never felt so responsible for someone. Seeing Mark on the floor again has reawakened that fear of losing Mark. He can’t shake the feeling that something will go wrong and he can’t do anything to stop it. Mark who is maybe busy being stupid and irresponsible, not caring that he’s making people worry about him. Seeing Mark the first time messed him up. He does not need Mark to do this to him again. Goddammit, Dustin doesn’t know how Eduardo does it because being Mark’s friend sent him to therapy. Dustin feels angry all over again. 

He can almost hear Dr Sherman speaking to him, he said it so many times after all. 

_“I know you’re angry and you have reason to be. I’m not saying what Mark did was right or wrong but try to think about it from his point of view. No, Dustin stop for a moment and listen to me. You told me Mark is eight days older than you and he’s a programmer. Like you. Just be Mark for a few seconds. Close your eyes. You’re Mark. You’re feeling vulnerable and scared. Your best friend left you, one of your only friends, and you’re feeling very alone. Now open your eyes. Do you see Dustin? If I may speculate, I daresay Mark is feeling very sorry. Maybe he just doesn’t want to or doesn’t know how to say it but he is. What Mark did was a cry for help, whether he intended it to be or not, because the pain had exceeded his resources for coping. He didn’t mean to hurt and worry you. I know it doesn’t excuse it but Mark is a very troubled person right now and he sounds like he could use a friend. Of course it’s not your responsibility and you don’t have to. But if you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t be sitting in my office right now.”_

Dustin is scared Eduardo will leave Mark too. Because no matter what he and Chris do, they will never be enough for Mark. Of course Mark should be able to be okay on his own but Mark always had to be different. Where normal people need people, Mark swears that he doesn’t need people but he needs Wardo like a parasite needs a host to survive. Where normal people experience heartbreak, Mark experiences a multi-national-billions-of-dollars-worth company break in which he gets sued and still manages to break everyone’s hearts too. Where normal people have voids in their lives and they deal with it, Mark runs Facebook like a machine while trying to ignore the fact that he’s stumbling around with a Wardo-shaped hole that is probably the size of a crater, the one caused by the giantass meteor-thingy that killed all the dinosaurs. Mark is exceptional like that. There’s something so earnest in the extreme way Mark does everything that he can’t stay mad at Mark. 

_“Mark may need Eduardo but ultimately you can’t give him that. Eduardo has to want to see Mark and Mark has to let him come to him. They are probably acting like little kids and you can probably see a faster route but Dustin sometimes you need to let them find their own way back. You’ve done your part and you did it very well.”_

Then Dr Sherman had looked him in the eye. Dustin knew what came next. He had fought it but Chris helped him accept it. _It’s not your fault._ He knows now that isn’t. But it’s still hard. He closes his eyes and counts to ten, twenty while taking deep breaths.

Dustin Moskovitz: u make an awesome arwen 3:)

Mark doesn’t bother to respond. He cracks open another beer. He’ll start on the spirits again later. They aren’t usually that well stocked since they don’t need to be and Eduardo doesn’t like to see him drink. (Mark suspects it’s for this very reason and because he doesn’t want to upset Eduardo, he indulges him. It also keeps Chris happy.) But before Eduardo left some of his colleagues threw John and Eduardo a farewell party even though they would be back in a month because John and Eduardo are nice people. They are popular, charming, perfect and everyone at their company loves them. It was one of the straggling, most probably tipsy, partygoers that suggested the leftover booze go to Mark since John and girlfriend were going to go off. (Mark could see Eduardo flipping out about the idea so he joked and said that he would save it for the welcome back party. Eduardo smiled a little less tightly and held onto his hand.) 

So Mark is drinking the ‘Eduardo leaving with John’ booze. It’s rather appropriate. It’s not like there’ll be a welcome back party. And if there is one, he won’t be going. He’d get invited because John and Eduardo would never be rude but it’d be a pity invite. (Mark had heaps of those after his ‘crisis’. Apparently, nothing says ‘I care about you’ and ‘get well soon’ like an invitation to a party.) John and Eduardo can go get their own fucking booze for their party. It’s his consolation prize. Mark spills some beer clumsily in a bitter toast. Whoa, head spin. He should probably eat something. 

Mark finds a half-opened pack of stale Doritos. He munches on them as he clicks answer after answer for his results. He decides to post one in every five quizzes so he doesn’t rape everyone’s news feed or draw too much attention to his sad lack of life. It’s not like he wants to advertise that he’s a purple crayon anyway. 

*

Dustin has his phone in his hand. He’s hiding in a bathroom stall feeling like he’s about to do something sleazy. He’s going to call Mark. Just to check up on him. Nothing more. (Ew. Do Not Want.) Chris said to give Mark a day but he has The Dustinator Tingles (like Spidey tingles but unfortunately more random). It’s almost a day give or take a little. He’s not convinced by the text check-in. It’s just a quick call. 

Mark picks up after two rings.

“Hey Dustin. You’re worried about me,” Mark says dryly. He doesn’t wait for a response. “Really. I’m taking care of myself. You’re obsessing.”

It stings a little given his, their history. Dustin retorts, “You’re drunk. I know what you sound like. I went to college with you.” He pauses. Time to drop the anvil. “You’re not ok.”

“I’m not drunk. I’ve had some drinks but I spaced them out adequately enough that my BAC should be just over the legal limit for driving,” Mark says defensively. “That doesn’t mean I’m not ok. I’m fine. Maybe a little worn out from working too hard and trying to keep up with everything. I need some time off to process it all.” He’s quoting his therapist now. “I need to step back and relax.” And he hopes, maybe it’ll hurt less if Eduardo- he can be without Wardo. He can.

It sounds reasonable. Mark is an adult. He’s chillaxing. He can drink. He needs a break every now and then. It’s a good plan. Taking a random mental health holiday is nothing out of the ordinary for a successful guy. “It sounds like you’re avoiding dealing with it,” Dustin blurts out. They’ve both been to therapy and it’s obvious if you know where to look. They have never been the same after. Dustin doesn’t think anyone could be but he thought things were slowly getting better. 

“He’s not here right now is he? I am dealing with it.”

Mark’s delivery lacks the bitterness Dustin expected. It’s matter of fact and he has a point. Eduardo isn’t here and compared to last time, and Dustin cringes just thinking about it, Mark is dealing with it remarkably well. If Mark doing Facebook quizzes while buzzed is what he wants to do, Dustin can hack that. Dozens of kids in college do that every day and they’re fine. He doesn’t know why he feels a lingering discontent. “Have you even talked to him lately?”

“You sound like Chris and yes.” Mark checks the time. “Within 24 hours even.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Just to make sure we’re on the same page. You talked y’know using your voices? Headset to headset? Maybe even some visuals thrown in?” He’s quick to says, “No deets, thanks!”

“Yes. We talked,” Mark says dryly. “Do you need to see the call log as evidence? Or do you need to hack in and check it yourself?”

Mark is practically dripping with sarcasm but Dustin lets it go. Mark’s fine. He’s obsessing (he’s rather be obsessing wrongly than have Mark not be fine). He replies chirpily, “Nope, I’m good. Just wanted to-”

“Make sure I’m ok. I know. Dustin, I told you. I promised I wouldn’t and I’m not going to.”

It’s what he wants to hear, Mark exasperated but alright. “Good to know. Uh, thanks for that. I’ll just-” 

“Go back to work, Dustin.” 

Dustin gets out of the cubicle and checks that no one was listening in. (He opens every stall because everyone knows that looking for feet is a rookie error.) Not that he could do much if it happened but it seems the right thing to do. To protect Mark’s privacy and all. He does as he’s told and goes back to work. He is so under-appreciated. 

*

Eduardo slept badly, only a few hours. He can’t quite remember what he dreamt about but he wakes up his heart pounding, face inexplicably wet like he’s been crying and the phrase _not good enough_ echoing in his mind. He figures going back to sleep will make him even more tired. He washes his face.

It’s early day two of Mark Exile Time, he signs on to check again. He’s hoping to see Mark, even with the red ‘busy’ icon. But he’s not there. Without his phone, he uses his Skype credit to call Mark. He listens to the message telling him that his number has been blocked. That hurts. Eduardo calls home. Their home phone is disconnected. It often is because they have to change their number every time the press gets a hold of it. (Really it’s Eduardo who does it because Mark doesn’t really do much with the landline.) But he made sure it was reconnected before he left. He goes on Facebook to message Mark. It says “error, unable to send”. Mark gave him administrator privileges so he could contact Mark directly through their own private online network. It’s blocked too. He is reminded with painful clarity that what Mark gives, he has the ability to take away. Mark is shutting him out with the force of a slamming door. 

Mark is being incredibly difficult. So email is the only way to contact him but he’s not answering his emails. Eduardo suspects he’s probably deleting them without reading them. Which is why he’s sending the same one over and over until Mark responds. Mark is sulking again. 

Which brings him to the point that maybe Mark could have come along if he hadn’t been behaving like a child. But he can’t keep blaming Mark for this either. He hasn’t been acting like the adult he is. Eduardo can hardly expect Mark to. He knows what he has to do. They were kidding themselves when they thought they could do this, this complicated ‘wait and see how it goes’. Eduardo hadn’t wanted to face up to the truth that their long distance relationship wasn’t working. It’s not Mark. It’s him. He can’t bear it. The constant waiting is driving him crazy. He just wants it to stop.

They agreed that separate jobs would be good for them because they needed space. That it’d be too much friction. But that was a while ago when forgiveness was new and they were tentatively reconnecting. Things have changed. Mark has changed. He has changed. It’s a hard choice but if push comes to a shove, he thinks, no he knows, he would give it up for Mark. He thinks Mark would do it for him too – Eduardo wouldn’t ask him to, but he thinks Mark would. Mark underestimates his own strength and generosity. In a relationship like this, in any long distance relationship really, someone has to give it up. Someone has to make the move. Or both of them could move for the sake of fairness but that’s just silly. So who gives it up? The more successful one? In terms of what? The one with less friends? The one who makes the most money? It doesn’t work that way. They are no clear answers. All he knows is that it’s hard and saying it doesn’t mean anything. There comes to a point that as understanding as one can be, one still has to make a choice and you can’t have it all. Being on hold has worn them both down and it’s not doing them any good. 

He thinks about his options. There are other things he could do, he could teach maybe, write some papers, be a consultant. He could work with Mark. (He scraps that quickly because it really isn’t that great of an option. Actually it’s a terrible idea. He doesn’t want to mix work and romance anyway. Their history is complicated enough.) There are plenty of things he could do. Not to mention he doesn’t actually have to do anything if he doesn’t want to. There’s no rush. He could take some time to figure some things out. He doubles as Mark’s Personal Assistant anyway. Eduardo wouldn’t be the head of a company anymore and he would be lying if he said he wouldn’t miss it but he could be, would be with Mark. (He wouldn’t miss missing Mark though.) He has to find a solution. Because breaking up with Mark is not an option for him. Mark is infuriating, stubborn and…absolutely brilliant. He has long known that there is no one like Mark. He has so much he has to think about but right now he’s going to focus on their relationship. Everything else is second to that. 

He doesn’t want to wait. This is wrong. He should do something about it. The three days aren’t over but he’s not going to wait. He isn’t an entrepreneur for nothing. Waiting will make you lose. Time makes all the difference in the world. 

Eduardo makes the decision there and then to leave. He has to go back, go home, go and see Mark and hold him. He has to make it right. Eduardo knows that it’s not that simple but he wants it to be. Why can’t it be that simple? (There is an incredibly cheesy part of him that hopes and believes as long as they are together, it’ll be alright. It won’t be easy but they can work their way to a happy ending. Or better yet, a happy beginning. He feels like they deserve it after everything they’ve been through.) He will go back. He’s not going to ask Mark. (Mark does not give himself enough credit, Eduardo knows he’d tell him to stay even if he might not say it in those words). He’s not even going to tell Mark. Not that Mark is currently speaking to him but in case he tries to talk him out of it. He’s learnt from Mark that it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission. That said, asking for forgiveness wasn’t easy. There are no easy roads. 

He’ll have to go through the rest of the day because this project is for the whole company and he won’t leave them in limbo. But he’s already made up his mind. He’s not going to let anyone convince him that he’s making a mistake. He hasn’t felt so sure of himself ever since he left Mark over a month ago. 

Eduardo opens a blank word document and starts to type his own resignation letter.

*

Dustin tosses and turns. He dreams fears that he knows are real and nightmare images that are really memories. He wakes up with a jolt, arm automatically reaching for Chris. The programmer sits up slowly. 

“You ‘kay?” Chris mumbles. 

“Yep. Sorry I woke you. Just gotta check up on something.” His legs are already swinging over the edge of the bed. 

“Now?” It’s definitely not the first time its happened. Hazards of sleeping with a programmer, let alone one who got diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder.

“It’s now or never right?”

“’s anythin’ wrong?”

“Mostly probably not, but I need to check,” Dustin says truthfully. (Chris understands the he just needs to check sometimes. Fighting the urge can be more stressful than it’s worth.) “Go back to sleep. I’ll be back before you know it.” He twists around to kiss Chris on his forehead. 

Chris smiles sleepily, slipping into slumber. 

Dustin drinks from the tap in the kitchen. He should trust Mark. Mark is fine. He’s okay. The programmer can’t help but be reminded of Mark’s definitions of ‘fine’ and ‘okay’. Dustin grabs his laptop and switches it on. 

Dustin mentally promises Mark he won’t cash in on the favor he owes if he’s wrong. Mark practically said he could check up on him. Sort of. Dustin looks around even though the room is empty. He can already hear Chris’s disapproving voice, “you should trust him” and something about how his concern is no excuse for violating Mark’s privacy. He hopes he won’t get into trouble because this time he really isn’t fucking around. Though Mark will be pissed if he finds out. Which he won’t because Dustin isn’t a novice. Mark would have to be looking, like I’m-online-right-now looking and Dustin is counting on Mark’s characteristic avoidance of situations he can’t control. (Only Mark could make flight a fight reaction.) 

He hacks into Mark’s Skype account. Early in their Harvard years, him and Mark were not as subtle. They preferred to try to gain administrative access and that is the equivalent of smashing through a wall and if you’re nice, putting the bricks back in order. It’s not that type of hacking. It’s not even strictly hacking as in trial and error through several password retrievals to find a weak link. Mark’s Achilles heel is Facebook because Dustin knows the code as well as Mark. It was around three years ago, Dustin found a pattern in Mark’s way of stringing his passwords. Most programmers have really complicated passwords and change them regularly but they have a system that ties them together so they can remember them. With Mark it has to do with one particular algorithm applied and disguised with other seemingly random letters and numbers which Dustin figured out stood for brands. Of clothing, cologne, shoes and accessories. It’s not hard to guess where Mark gets it from. The items are always ranked against the same item – Mark’s laptop. 

It’s quite clever because many programmers do end up using dates and there is a risk in that even if you’re not stupid enough to use birthdays and anniversaries. Using equations can be risky because they are solvable. Of course, Mark does it in overkill and makes you add the branded item at market price. The value of his laptop can be difficult to estimate given that it is attained pre-release and it’s well after release, plus Mark is enough of a nerd to calculate depreciation. (Luckily, Dustin has legitimate access to Mark’s insurance documents.) Anyway, Mark’s password system is extremely obscure you’d have to know Mark _really_ well, have the mathematical ability of Wardo and the same level of programming skills as Dustin. So Dustin doesn’t mention it because it’s private and it’s not a security risk. He knows Mark’s Facebook account is heavily modified so he can accommodate his crazy security locks. Dustin doesn’t blame him for being paranoid because there are really people out to get Mark. 

(Though Dustin did laugh when Mark opened an Ebay account and furrowed his eyebrows at trying to fit his password into the tiny character limit. This was the one time Dustin caught Mark being sentimental because he swears that Mark typed in a password in Portuguese rather than try and change the system to suit himself. It could also be because Mark was desperate to bid back a pillow Dustin stole from his bed and auctioned off as a joke. The proceeds went towards the Mark Zuckerberg Sleep Foundation. Dustin is a genius.)

As Dustin retrieves the chat logs, he half wonders if he’ll find lots of hot monkey chat sex that he won’t be able to tease Mark about. So Mark really wasn’t lying. Dustin frowns. He did speak to Eduardo through webcam. When he sees the chat logs though, a chill runs down his spine. He scrolls upwards, the foreboding feelings increase. Eduardo has only called once since flying to his top secret location. It’s painful to watch, well read, how Mark and Wardo danced around each other for five days because they were stupid. Then they talked once and from what it looks like, Mark hung up on Eduardo. They haven’t talked since. Fuck. (It’s not a tingle anymore. It’s more of an ache, like pressing on a bruise.)

Dustin pulls up Mark’s Facebook page. Mark’s been posting shit up all night. Thank God for Facebook. More quizzes. The last one was three hours ago. (It only takes a few minutes.) But Mark _promised._

The programmer is not sure how he’s going to explain this to Chris but they have to do something. He shuts down his laptop. 

He mentally reviews Dr Sherman’s advice. How urgent is it really? Can it wait? What can you do about it now? Seeing Chris’s exhausted form, he thinks it can wait until morning. He tries to sleep. He doesn’t think he can but lying there worrying all night will drain him so Dustin puts himself into a light relaxation trance he learnt. 

He must have been able to go to sleep because when Chris shakes him, he sees that they are running late. 

“You look so tired and I know you had a rough night so I let you sleep in for a bit. But we have to go in,” Chris says apologetically. “Unless you really don’t feel up to it?” He touches Dustin’s forehead with the back of his hand. 

Chris reads the guilty look on Dustin’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Dustin hustles to get ready. “Promise not to get mad at me?”

Uh oh. That’s always a bad sign. Especially when combined with the I’ve-done-something-bad-but-please-don’t-spank-me face. Chris sighs. “What’ve you done now?” Before Dustin can say anything, Chris takes charge. “No, shoes on, you can tell me on the way.”

*

Mark is adrift. He has never been the best at keeping time now it keeps him. The house is a mess. He vaguely remembers feeling angry last night. There’s some dried blood on his sweat pants. He can’t feel any pain but then again he can’t feel much right now because he’s probably still drunk. Mark checks himself over but he doesn’t find anything. He starts to worry about where or who else it might come from when he flips his hands over and finds a cut along his palm. He pokes at it. The blood’s dried so the cut is sealed. It looks okay but he should probably disinfect it or something. Alcohol’s a disinfectant right? There’s still a bit of vodka left in the bottle next to him so he pours some vodka on it. It burns a little. Some of it gets on him and probably the couch. Oh well. He doesn’t want to get out of bed. The couch. Whatever. The phone is ringing. He lets it ring. 

It keeps ringing. It’s hurting his head. He curses and half-crawls to reach the phone which is lying face down on the floor amongst the debris. (From a glance, it looks like their dorm common room after a weekend bender. What a mindfuck.) 

He glances gingerly at the caller ID. It’s Chris. 

“Yeah?” Mark answers, trying to force himself into sounding more awake and sober. 

“Sorry did I wake you?”

“I was planning to sleep in. Was gonna check in when I’m, you know, up.” 

“Sorry,” Chris says again but the relief is evident in his voice. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?” 

“’m fine. I’m going to take the rest of the week off. I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. Really. I’ve already done the check in system when you asked me to and I’ve taken your calls so it’d be really nice if you could trust me this time.” Mark promised and he has every intention of keeping it. A promise is a promise. 

“We just care-”

“I know. I just need some time to myself to process things. And I have this great idea I want to get started on.” Mark hates being interrupted. 

“Have you been drinking?”

“A little,” Mark lies. “It helps me work better.” 

Chris doesn’t want to be a nag (no one likes a nag). Mark did always work better a bit drunk. Drinking alone seems like a bad idea but they all used to do it. Dustin still does when he’s coding but sugary drinks have a similar effect. “Just take care of yourself ok? Don’t forget to eat, drink water and actually sleep for more than ten minutes because a power nap doesn’t count.” He’s given up on saying “sleep in a bed” because you have to pick your battles. He adds hurriedly getting into his ‘Living Instructions For Programmers Because Programmers Are Not Computers’ mode, “And maybe take a shower at least every other day and brush your teeth every now and then or at least chew some gum.” He stops himself from offering to help again. “Mark?”

Mark makes a non-committal noise. 

There’s an awkward silence. 

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Chris says, a little too brightly. 

Mark mumbles a barely audible ‘thanks’ before hanging up. 

Chris looks over at Dustin who was listening on speakerphone on the condition of silence. “You’re right.” He pauses so Dustin can ask him to record it like he usually does. Dustin is worrying at his lip, unusually quiet. 

“Something is definitely wrong,” Chris says, stating the obvious because he doesn't know what else to say. Chris tries not to interfere in matters of Mark. He usually leaves it to Eduardo. Unless Eduardo isn’t there and it’s an emergency. Which it kind of is. Prevention is better than cure, right? “I think it’s time to call the cavalry.” It’s a one man cavalry but it’s all they need. It’s who Mark wants. They could send him an army and Mark would ask for Wardo. 

Dustin whoops, practically knocking his chair over and doing a weird little dance. “Can I? Can I? Now, please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a Chris on top?” 

Chris rolls his eyes but he smiles indulgently at Dustin. “Alright but I’m checking it over before you send anything.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Dustin says happily, already sitting in front of his workstation. 

“I’ll be over there working because some of us are actually going to work,” Chris says to Dustin while jerking a thumb over his shoulder. Dustin snickers and makes a familiar jibe about how everyone knows programmers are the heart of Facebook (Chris maintains that Facebook is about people connecting with each other, ergo Public Relations is the most important role). Chris goes to do some work because Facebook isn’t all parties and games. Programmers. Sean Parker. Ugh. 

What Dustin wants to send is:

> To: Wardo  
>  From: Dustin “The Code Bomber” Moskovitz  
>  Subject: HALP!!!!!!!!
> 
> wassup wardo? marky mark misses j00 real bad. shits going down bro.
> 
> we need u back @ base asap. 

Dustin knows he can do better but really that’s what he wants to say. He hates that being grown up means you need to use bigger words. What’s the point when you can do with less? Everything is…superfluous if you don’t say what you really mean. Dustin knows big words, he just likes things simple. It’s what makes a program user friendly.

Still, he does it the long way because it’s a grown up occasion and he needs to be appropriate (Chris would be proud).

> To: Wardo  
>  From: Chris , Dustin “The Code Bomber” Moskovitz  
>  Subject: Mark
> 
> Dear Wardo, 
> 
> This is probably not a huge surprise but Mark isn’t doing well without you. Not that it’s your fault because you’re doing your job but you’re all the way over wherever you are and Mark really misses you. He’s been pining for you all month already and the extra time is a major bummer  He made the intern cry (he apologized by sending flowers but I don’t think she’s too happy). Then he decided to take a day off. You know, Mark. Taking a break. Same sentence. Anyway, he took the day after too and then…he hasn’t come back. We checked up on him and had him check in but he told us not to call him because he’s taking the week off. We’re holding down the fort okay but we’re worried about him. 
> 
> We think he’s convinced himself that you’re going to break up with him. Please tell me/us he’s wrong. Better yet, tell him. Talk to him, please. You’re the only one that really gets through to him. You know how he gets, he’s been working himself too hard. He really really misses you.
> 
> Please come home soon?
> 
> Lots of love from,
> 
> Dustin (+ Chris) 

*

As he’s printing the letter, Eduardo checks Mark’s public profile which has a ridiculous amount of quizzes including the morbid “Which Day Will You Die” ones. Mark’s been posting music like “Everything Changes” (Staind), “Far Away” (Nickelback) and “Broken” (Evanescence) in between the “Ding Ding Dong”, “Crazy Frog” and other outrageous tracks. Eduardo knows Mark well enough know he’s fucking around yes but there’s a stupid amount of moping there that he’s trying (and failing) to camouflage. Eduardo would pick either “If You’re Not the One” (Daniel Bedingfield) or “Collide” (Howie Day) to post to his own wall but he really does not have time to find a link to jukebox his feelings right now.

Getting the email from Chris and Dustin just makes him all the more sure he’s made the right decision. He is sorry that they’ve been caught in the crossfire yet again but Eduardo is glad he didn’t wait. He doesn’t know what to say about Mark. Of course, he wouldn’t break up with him. Mark knows that right? Eduardo is just doing his job. Mark knows not to take it personally (like he tries not to when Mark puts work before him even though he’s accepted that he will have to share Mark with Facebook. He knows it’s not a competition, it’s a ménage a trois and Mark loves them both. Eduardo has learnt to love Facebook too. But Facebook is a website and he is a _person_. Sometimes, Mark treats Facebook like a person and him like a website and the worst part is Mark doesn’t even realize it.) They’ve avoided talking about work and their relationship aside from the agreement that they will try and keep both separate (Eduardo has been tempted to ask which comes first but it’s not fair to ask it and hypothetical questions are stupid and maybe he’s a little afraid that Mark will be Mark and he won’t like the answer). So they don’t discuss it but Mark knows that he’s important to him. Mark’s the one he calls. Mark’s the one he’s been sending all the emails to. There is no one else. All Mark has to do is to stop sulking and check his email. He resends the email to Mark for measure and fires off a quick reply.

> To: Chris Hughes , Dustin Moskovitz  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: Re: Mark
> 
> Thanks for everything. I appreciate the update. Hope you’re both well.
> 
> I’ll be home soon. I tried but I don’t think he wants to talk to me. I miss him too. Please tell Mark I love him. - E

Eduardo folds up the letter neatly and puts it in an envelop before tucking it inside his breast pocket. He looks in the mirror and he is worried it’ll be obvious so he moves it to a lower inside pocket. All morning he can feel it weigh him down, heavier than it should be for a piece of paper. If it crinkles when he moves, it sounds too loud, like he’s giving himself away. The sense of urgency is greater than ever and he wants to just cut and run. But he’s not in college anymore. Nor is he an inexperienced CFO. He has a job to do (he ignores his father’s voice which tells him he’s a let down, he’s weak and has no stomach for business).

The talks are winding down. It’s mostly a case of “we will take your concerns into account don’t worry” reassurances and a lot of mutual shoe-shining. Missing Mark is making him cynical (one could argue being with Mark makes anyone cynical but it’s mostly a good thing – at least Eduardo appreciates Mark’s inappropriate comments. He’s always found it funny and brave.)

Eduardo practically strains his muscles to keep still, his posture straight. He catches himself jigging his knee once and stops, embarrassed. Finally, after yet another ridiculously polite dinner and they break for the day, it’s late. Eduardo follows John back into the meeting room as customary. He shuffles his papers aimlessly, hyperaware that it’s only him and John left in the room. John is kneeling next to a desk typing on his laptop, adding footnotes to the word document Eduardo had been working on. 

“John, can I- we need to talk,” Eduardo says, his face flushing when he realizes what it sounds like. 

John looks over at Eduardo. “Okay, just give me a moment.” John saves the document and emails it to himself. He pulls the lid of the laptop down and shuts it with a click. “Alright, you have my full attention,” John says with a grin. 

John is still kneeling. It feels wrong. “Can you, maybe?” Eduardo says awkwardly, gesturing vaguely at a chair. 

The blond man glances at Eduardo, standing up. “Should we sit down perhaps?” 

Eduardo feels horribly guilty for what he is about to do. He is almost tempted to back out but he thinks of Dustin and Chris’s email and Mark needs him. He needs Mark, needs him too. He reaches inside his pocket and pulls out the white envelop. 

John eyes widen and he looks at Eduardo. “Is that…?” 

“Yes,” Eduardo affirms. “I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I should give two weeks notice, I know but…I’d like this to be effective as soon as possible.” Eduardo forces himself to maintain eye contact. “Please.” 

“No,” John says, refusing to take the letter. “I can’t accept this.”

“John, I have to do this,” Eduardo says firmly but gently putting the letter on John’s laptop. “I don’t want to just run off. I’ll make sure the deal is secure but then…” He trails off. 

“I know,” John says with a heavy sigh. “I guess it’d be stupid for me ask if you can’t wait three more days? More like two and a half…”

There it is just three days. It makes all the difference. Eduardo shakes his head. “I’m sorry, this was really left field I know.” He really wishes he didn’t have to do this. 

“So this is it? Will you come back?” John sounds younger and Eduardo is reminded of how young he was when things went wrong. It was not that long ago. Yet so much has happened, he feels aged by it. 

“I don’t know,” Eduardo says before apologizing again.

“I can’t force you to stay. You know I would never fire you and you want to go anyway so there’s nothing I can do to get you to stay. As a friend, I shouldn’t ask you to stay. I know you have to go and it wouldn’t be fair. Just…don’t leave the company yet, please Eduardo. I need your help,” John begins rambling, “The deal is just the beginning. We can work out something. You can work as a consultant. Just think about it. Right now, I’ll give you two months leave so you take a break. Effective immediately. Go anywhere you want.”

“I just want to go home,” Eduardo admits. “I can’t…I can’t take this right now okay? I’m a mess. I’ve been a mess and I didn’t know it. You’ll manage,” Eduardo says, knowing that John will. It’s hard for him to say no. This is reminiscent of that time, in Kirkland, after Erica dumped Mark. No. That time in the corridor in Palo Alto when Mark said he needed him and Eduardo- This is different. “You’ll manage fine.”

“I will,” John says pragmatically, without any bitterness. “But if this is you as a mess then you definitely can’t leave,” John says, every bit the confident CEO that Eduardo knows he can be. 

“Are you speaking to me as my boss or as my friend?”

“As your boss, I’ll tell you we’ve just rounded off a deal and it’s an unexpected inconvenience but it shouldn’t do any harm. We can probably write it off as a ‘family emergency’.” John softens his expression. “As your friend, I know this is more important than the company. You should go. You are not mine to keep,” John says with a knowing smile. “I’ll see what I can do about the travel arrangements in the morning. You had my back, I have yours.”

Eduardo is choked up. “Thanks John.” The travel will be a nightmare to handle and he’s been dreading it. “You’re a good friend.”

“I try to be,” John says modestly. “But truly, thank _you_. You’ve been a great business partner and friend. I know you’ve made some difficult personal sacrifices for this company and I really appreciate it. You’re an important person to the company. And to me. I’ll always trust you for advice. This company and my door will always be open to you.” John holds out his hand. 

When Eduardo shakes it, John pulls him in for a one-armed hug. “I will be optimistic and say bye… for now.” John looks like he wants to say more but he doesn’t. He lets Eduardo go. 

*

It should be awkward presenting a united front after saying goodbye last night but it wasn’t and Eduardo is glad. John is capable, more than capable and he takes over Eduardo’s role easily. (Though he didn’t plan it, it’s the ultimate test and John strikes the perfect balance between personal and business. Eduardo is so proud to have had a part in it and it’s probably like seeing your child’s graduation.) John is a really good guy and he deserves to have great things happen to him. It takes the better half of the morning to smooth things over and to make sure their arrangement will be unaffected but Eduardo appreciates how fast John works, the subtle way he hastens the deal forwards and how he manages it all in stride considering a huge bombshell dropped in his lap last night. John makes it sound like he anticipated it coming from left field and that all the contingencies are in place. Eduardo wonders if he maybe did see it coming, whether it’s obvious. John looks a little tired though and Eduardo only notices because he knows John so well. He feels bad. Guilty. Eduardo is not sure if he should apologize since he’s not sorry for leaving but he didn’t mean to make a mess and he wants to apologize for that. John probably had to stay up to revise their strategy. John smiles and tells him not to worry, it’ll be okay, he’ll be okay. Eduardo can only thank him. With the deal confirmed and then Eduardo’s departure announced, Eduardo has to smile and accept a lot of sympathy for his ‘unfortunate family emergency’. Eduardo doesn’t feel bad about that because Mark _is_ his family. It’s the family he chose.

John has tried to make the arrangements as easy as possible, seeing most travel is by groups only and he isn’t a tourist. Anything that doesn’t fit neatly into the bureaucratic categories will mean it will all be checked manually and he will have a lot of explaining to do. (No really, I just want to go home to my boyfriend. No one would believe him even though it’s the truth.) Traveling will be a bitch and in the end he’ll only two days early or one if he can’t get a direct flight. But it’s the thought that counts right? He’ll have the element of surprise. 

So he’s going to fly back romcom style. There’s definitely a thrill the runs through him when he thinks about it. Eduardo is supposed to be the responsible one. Mark’s the impulsive one. What people don’t realize is that he’s the one who gambles with his money, he’s the one who quit his internship on the first day, he’s the one who got invited to parties, he’s the one who took care of a chicken because he wanted to get in a final club, he’s the one who smashed Mark’s laptop. He’s the one who still believed, after all the hurt and betrayal between them that a relationship could still work out. Somehow, everyone still thinks he’s the responsible one. Eduardo supposes Mark’s impulses are bigger. Mark has always overshadowed him and Eduardo has never held it against him (it was Sean that he resented and while he can deal with him being a shareholder, to this day he doesn’t think he’ll ever like the guy). 

This is how he finds himself in an army helicopter, trying not to throw up. He owes John so much. It’s Thursday, midday but more importantly Day Three of Mark Exile Time. His exile is almost over. Still no word from Mark. He expected this because it’s really no secret that once Mark makes up his mind, it’s almost impossible to change it. 

He’s going home. To Mark. 

He can feel his stomach do jumping jacks from the excitement and the nerves. Mark will have to talk to him if he turns up. Part of him is worried that Mark won’t, that Mark will turn him away. That he’ll literally change the locks to lock him out. Eduardo won’t let Mark run away. This is, at least partly, his fault for making Mark feel inadequate. Mark has his pride and Eduardo is sure it is a front, a defense. Because Mark hates being vulnerable. Eduardo should have known. If Mark tries to physically shut him out then he’ll just have to break the door down and trust Mark not to call the cops on him. He has to get through to Mark. 

Eduardo has so much he has to say. He has to tell Mark that he is more than enough for anyone, everyone but especially him. That Eduardo thinks he is amazing, brilliant and he can never find enough words. He needs to tell him that he loves him, that he is so in love with him and he wants him for as long as he’ll have him. They aren’t perfect, he’s not perfect and it’s never going to be easy but he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

*

Mark codes to pass time. Drinking really does help him work better. Even then he’s too aware. Not drunk enough. Never drunk enough. He knows this doesn’t work, it won’t solve the problem. He’s not stupid. Mark can barely stand the taste now. He forces it down quickly so he won’t have to taste it. It makes him feel like gagging. He can suppress the gag reflex without much effort but walking kind of takes concentration. 

Glass crunches under his feet as he gets up for another can of beer. Eduardo-the-Neat-Freak is going to be so pissed when he’s back. Good, Mark thinks. It’s not the best idea he has but he knows if he makes a mess, Eduardo will have to stop himself from cleaning it up. He’ll probably give in. And if he wants to leave him anyway, it’ll make things harder because Eduardo will have to wade through the mess. Of course, he could give up and walk out because it’s not his problem anymore but if Wardo is going to leave anyway, Mark doesn’t think he’ll care very much about the mess he’s going to inherit. 

(Eduardo should understand about breaking things. It does feel good.)

He sets the beer next to his computer. He has three new emails:

> To: Mark Zuckerberg  
>  From: Chris Hughes , Dustin Moskovitz  
>  Subject: HI!  
>  Hey, it’s Chris (and DUSTIN!)  
>  I know you said not to call but um we’re worried about you. So we’re sending you this email to show we care AND WORK IS NAWT THE SAME WITHOUT U I WANT A HOLIDAY 2 U DAWG. Hope you’re having a blast and taking care of yourself. Dustin says hi THAR IF THERE ARE ANY PARTIES, YOU SHOULD INVIT. CHRIS JUST PUNCHED ME MARK. We miss you   . 
> 
> He’ll be home soon. Hang in there. 
> 
> To: Mark is Boss  
>  From: Dustin “The Code Bomber” Moskovitz  
>  Subject: I HAZ GOOD NEWS U SHOULD READ DIS NOU
> 
> WARDO SENT AN EMAIL SAYING THAT HE’LL BE BACK BABY. LIKE A TERMINATOR. OW. CHRIS. Eduardo sent us an email to tell you that he MISSES j00 AND HE LOVES YOU. Please see attached. PIX IT DID HAPPEN. PROOF. 
> 
> HE TOTES LUVS U. LYK SRS BZNS. FOR REALZ MARK. 
> 
> DUSTINATOR and Chris

There is an attached screenshot with love hearts all over it and of course, the pertinent parts of the message circled in obnoxious red pixeled paint.

> To: Mark Zuckerberg  
>  From: Chris Hughes  
>  Subject: Sorry about that
> 
> Dustin got excited. FULLY LEGIT. 
> 
> You should talk to him. 

Dustin’s capslock hurts his eyes. Mark can already see them fighting over the keyboard and it’s such a couple-y thing to do for them. He wants to hate them for being able to be together and work together but he doesn’t at the same time because they deserve to be happy with each other. Chris and Dustin are good people and good things happen to good people. It seems like it’s so easy and he wants that even if he doesn’t deserve it.

Chris and Dustin make it sound like if he talked to Eduardo, Mark could change his mind, that Wardo would change his mind. Just like that. Maybe it would work if he was like Chris and Dustin. But he’s not. He’s messed up so many times, it only makes sense that Eduardo has finally realized that Mark will never be enough. It’s Real Life. Mark knows that it’s anything but easy. Eduardo probably thought that they could do this. Maybe he felt bad that Mark is a mess without him. But really, Mark has known that Eduardo is too good of a person for Mark. He’s too forgiving. If John has helped him see that, Mark can’t hold it against him. Eduardo deserves to be happy. He deserves a good person.

> To: Chris , Dustin  
>  From: Mark  
>  Subject: Re: Sorry about that
> 
> That doesn’t mean he won’t leave me. You can miss someone and not do anything about it. I don’t want to talk about it. 

He missed Wardo before and Wardo wasn’t with him like _with_ him. He would know.

The email sounds stupid. He hovers over the delete button. 

It’s too revealing and if anyone ever reads it he would die. He remembers Eduardo saying he should be more open. It seems like a lifetime ago. Mark sends it before he can chicken out. (And maybe some part of him is hoping Eduardo will see that he’s trying, trying so fucking hard to be more that the mistake he made some three and a half years ago.)

He wants to wire himself in and forget about everything. It’s his standard panacea to overwhelming human emotions – be it someone else’s, or rarely, his own. But it won’t fix anything either. What is he supposed to do? How do you get someone to stay with you someone to stay with you forever voluntarily? He never found the answer to that. 

His cell is ringing again. He stabs the little green phone icon angrily. 

“What?”

“Mark,” Chris begins hesitantly. “Are you-?”

“Don’t, Chris. Stop it. Stop asking me if I’m okay. If I say I am, you’d say I’m lying and it would be the truth. If I say I’m not, you’ll worry. So is that a trick question? Actually don’t answer that. I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Eduardo isn’t going to leave you, Mark.”

Hearing it hurts. Mark grits his teeth. 

“He says he misses you and he loves you,” Chris says like Mark can’t read. He’s saying it in that gentle tone of voice and somehow it makes it all worse. It reminds him of Wardo. It sounds like _I’m sorry, I love you but I can’t be with you_. It’s everything he doesn’t want. It’s what Eduardo will say because he’ll be nice and Mark doesn’t think he can bear it. 

Mark swallows and in spite of the hopeless situation, he hates that he hopes anyway. “How do you know for sure?” Mark asks pointedly. 

“Um, he said- well he wrote it.”

“That wasn’t what I was asking.” Don’t make me say the words, Mark thinks. Tell me something different, he wants to demand. Tell me that he loves me and he’ll never leave me because I love him. 

“I don’t think he would if you’d only just-”

“You can’t know for sure,” Mark says flatly. 

The line goes silent. 

Mark goes on. “I know you guys care and I appreciate it but have you thought that I might not want to think about this shit? Talking about it is dwelling on it and it’s just making it _worse_. I don’t want to talk about this because it’s private okay? It’s really person and it’s between me and Eduardo. It’s something we’ll have to work out for ourselves.”

Then he promises not to kill himself or do anything stupid for the nth time (he really resists saying “if I was going to, I’d have done by now” because it’s not nice and he’s not an asshole) if they would _please_ just leave him alone. He’s really not a kid, nor a fragile adult-baby. 

He switches his cell off. He switches his computer off. He switches everything off and lies there in the dark. 

Mark meant it too. He’s been through that, the glorious kiss of self-destruction, and he knows it won’t help. He still hates that he can’t. It would make Eduardo feel so guilty. It would make everyone feel bad. He’s done enough of that in this lifetime. 

So he lies there and clings onto the hope of Wardo returning that just won’t die and tries to breathe.

*

Eduardo is forced to stopover at Japan because there’s no direct flight back. He curses the eight hour wait in-between with every expletive he knows in English and Portuguese under his breath. He starts to apologize profusely in the middle of a “motherfucker” when a parent glares at him and covers the ears of their kid. He feels bad even though he’s not really a bad man. He really hopes he’s not although clearly, he fails at stealth swearing.

He shops around for a new phone. It’s exorbitant but he doesn’t care. It’s one of the few times he’s glad money isn’t a problem. He’s sitting next to a janitor’s power socket waiting for it to charge up, in the airport lounge where there’s wi-fi.

It’s cold at the airport, just chilly enough that it keeps him from sleeping. He can feel a tension headache starting. 

Eduardo doesn’t bother calling from a payphone. The lines are long and even though he has the time, even though he aches to hear Mark’s voice, he’s certain that Mark is still barring him. 

Instead, he has his laptop balanced on his knees and inbox open. It takes him longer than expected and keeps writing and then deleting sentences. He pours his thoughts and feelings out into the blinking cursor before him. Letter by letter, his fingers whittle time away until he hears the announcement that boarding will commence in fifteen minutes. He has written a long missive, actually several, and he doesn’t know if he should sent it at all, let alone which one to send. It doesn’t feel right, it feels cowardly to do it via email yet if he doesn’t is it because he’s being a coward? It’s too much. If he says it all in an email, then what will he have left to say? He opens a new window and starts again, this time sticking to the basics.

> To: Mark  
>  From: Eduardo  
>  Subject: If You Read Nothing Else PLEASE READ THIS
> 
> Mark,
> 
> I know you don’t want to talk to me right now. Fine. I know it’s been hard lately. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been trying and I’m not blaming you. It’s my fault. I take responsibility for that. 
> 
> We need to talk about this because it’s not working. Lately, I know it seems we spend more time apart than we are together. Things are going to be different. I’m really, really sorry it took me so long to figure it out but I swear I thought that we were going okay. I was wrong. I know what I want now. We’re just on hold for too long. You won’t need to worry about it anymore. 
> 
> Take care of yourself ok? - E

Eduardo doesn’t say “I love you” because he doesn’t think Mark would have believed him. He doesn’t even think Mark will read the email. Mark can be so goddamn stubborn. He’ll just have to convince him in person.

(He will spend the rest of the flight time wonder whether he should have said it anyway.)

At five minutes to boarding, he posts a status update on his public Facebook page. 

Eduardo Saverin it’s time to go after what you really want! 

It’s kind of sappy but it’ll do. It can’t be any more sappy than what he’s doing. It fits in with his entrepreneur puff pieces he’s done in the past. He can do passive aggressive too. 

It’s the longest trip home he’s ever had to take. He just has to hold on and remind himself that each minute he’s enduring, he’s a minute closer to being with Mark again. 

*

Mark reads the email even though he was tempted to delete it. He’s deleted all the others. Completely. From the Trash folder. And from the caching files, temp files and every trick in the book so he can’t be tempted. 

On one hand, it’s childish but on the other, who wants to be told why they suck? It’s not like Mark doesn’t know that Eduardo is attractive, nice and the type of person to help a granny across the street, email his notes to an absent classmate, take a friend home and put them to bed while waving off an apology for getting puked on. He’s smart, funny and he’s practically every man and woman’s dream guy and wet dream rolled into one person with bonus Prada packaging. 

Now Eduardo is asking him to read his email. Just this one. He shouldn’t. But he’s so tired of holding the world at bay. He misses Wardo. He gives in. 

Every word he reads makes the lump in his throat grow larger, the ache in his chest flares spreading to his palms. 

The part where Wardo says that it’s not Mark’s fault and he doesn’t blame him – Mark doesn’t understand it at all. How can it be Eduardo’s fault that he’s not here? He has work and that’s a legitimate reason, isn’t it? It has to be Mark’s fault. It’s Mark he wants to get away from. He translates it to: It’s not you, it’s me (really it’s you but I’m too nice so I can’t say it, I’ll fall back on this line since it’ll have the same outcome anyway). 

“I swear I thought that we were going okay. I was wrong.” You’ve ruined us. 

“I know what I want now. You won’t need to worry about it anymore.” You’re not good enough for me. 

“Take care of yourself ok?” I’m tired of having to pick up after you. I’m not going to be around to do that anymore. 

In every line he reads, I’m leaving you. 

It’s all he can think of and it slams into his chest, penetrating through his armor like a BFG 9000. 

He has to do something. Even though it’s so humiliating he just wants to crawl under a proverbial rock. As much as he wants to run, he has to fight. For Wardo. Yes, for Wardo who asked Mark to let him go. This is Mark saying, No, Fuck That Shit, this isn’t three days, it’s for the foreseeable future (which will turn into forever) and he isn’t letting him go without some sort of real-time response. He has to know that he’s done everything he can. Wardo has to know that he’s done everything in his power because he is worth it. 

Mark picks up his cell, turns it on and calls Wardo. Wardo’s phone is off. Everything is off. He hacks into all of Wardo’s accounts. It’s been a while but it comes to him ( _not_ like riding a bike but a black belt in Google-fu), he’s in. (He’s using black hat methods but at least he’s leaving the North Korean government and John alone – he knows which lines he can cross and which lines will lead him to a disciplinary hearing or jail and that would kind of defeat the purpose because it would take him away from Wardo. Again.) He knows Wardo isn’t online. Isn’t online anywhere in the world. He even tries the official email but all it says is: Eduardo Saverin is currently unavailable, he will get back to you as soon as possible. Just like his voicemail. All while Wardo’s Facebook status keeps mocking him. 

He’s gone after what he’s really wants. 

He’s gone. 

Wardo is probably having glorious sex with John. Wardo doesn’t care about them anymore.

Mark is Not Okay with that. 

Mark leaves a shitload of messages. In some of them, he’s angry. He got dumped in an email for fuck’s sake. They’d been best friends for years and okay dating him might fuck anyone up but in every etiquette guide he knows and common sense, he should have gotten more than an online Dear John letter (oh the irony). He loves Eduardo and he loves him with all that he is, to the best of his ability. It’s not fair to say that it’s not enough. He tells Eduardo this. He tells Eduardo that he wants a response and that he’s put down his work for Wardo and he’s asking him to do the same. It’s urgent. They need to talk. Yeah, this is him being open about what he wants and, well, he wants to talk about it. The sooner the better, please. 

In all of them, he begs anyway. He has nothing more he can say so he begs. 

He makes an army of bots to keep him updated on the situation. He sets aside one legion of bots to keep sending Eduardo emails until it full (or until Eduardo opens one). It’s not a pragmatic move but it’s a grand, romantic gesture and Eduardo deserves something grand and romantic.

It’s not even that Wardo is going to leave him. He’s left him already. The most telling part is that he doesn’t say that he’s missed Mark, he doesn’t tell him he loves him. If Wardo loved him, he obviously doesn’t anymore. He’s not even bothering to say it. Or maybe he doesn’t want to give Mark false hope. This is the one time when Mark wishes Eduardo wasn’t so nice. And maybe he’s not so nice because he left Mark hanging there. He left Mark. 

Mark doesn’t care that it’s not fair to blame someone for not loving him back. He doesn’t care. (Except that he does and he does a lot. He only wishes that he didn’t care because it hurts so goddamn bad.)

In that moment, he realizes that Wardo is gone. It feels like someone yanked the bandaid off only to find a festering wound. It hits him that Eduardo is really gone. 

Wardo is gone. With J. (Wardo never even had a nickname for him.) 

Wardo is gone. (Because Mark let him go.) 

Wardo is _gone._

It has a whole new meaning for Mark. 

Right now Mark hates the internet. The stupid-smart invention that allowed him to make something beautiful. It made him rich. It also made him miserable. He hates that it is so fast, so easy and it makes him want, right now, and he knows Eduardo could be right next to a computer. He hates that it was how Eduardo dumped him. It’s torture. Eduardo could be fucking next to a computer and blissfully unaware of Mark’s torment. 

He hates the world too. It keeps going like nothing has changed at all. It does not care about him. He is more connected than ever and he feels disconnected.

Mark has been putting all his hopes in one basket – he’s been hoping that Wardo will come back and everything will be okay. It’s not going to be okay. Wardo is-

He laughs. (It’s that or-) The hysterical laughter turns into something else, something ugly and broken sounding and he is angryhurtsad. This is his white flag.

He wants to-

But he promised. 

The programmer curls up on the couch, mostly sober and completely miserable. 

His armies are mobilized and his website, their baby, is running fine. His empire is meaningless. 

It is dark. 

*

Eventually he has to get up. The ceiling is boring and he really needs to take a piss. The bots are conspicuously silent. There are no alerts. Wardo is not online. (Real life > Internet.) It’s a waiting game but the last thing Mark wants to do is wait and leave himself to the mercy of his imagination. 

He shouldn’t give up. Maybe Eduardo needs time to figure out what to say (how he can break up with Mark nicely, how to tell him that he’s fucking his CEO and has been for-). Maybe Eduardo is busy (too busy for him, busy having fun without him. busy forgetting him, busy fucking-).

He should give up. 

Even if Wardo comes back, it won’t be for him. Maybe to get his stuff, maybe to go through the motions of a Talk with Mark but he knows what he wants now. _Who_ he wants now. And it’s not Mark. 

Fuck. If he has to watch Wardo move out, it makes him almost wish that he won’t have to see him again. Almost. (Wardo will remove himself from Mark’s place, Mark’s life and Mark will never get to-)

He just wants him back. Even if it’s for one last time. Maybe if Mark gave him really great sex, maybe he would stay for that? That’s why people cheat, right? For good sex? Mark could work at home and give Eduardo sex. Mark knows he can give really good head. He knows how Eduardo likes it. (John taking Wardo all the way in, taking his balls in as well, Eduardo twisting his hands in John’s hair-) 

Maybe Mark didn’t let Eduardo fuck him enough. He thought Wardo liked to be bottom but maybe Mark was doing it wrong somehow. It’s not like Mark has ever fucked another guy and everything he learned about gay sex was from Chris’s porn stash and the internet. Maybe that wasn’t how people did things in Real Life. Maybe he needed to work on his dirty talk (Wardo laughs, “Did you just compare me to your laptop?”). Maybe he wasn’t flexible enough (“Um, ah, Wardo, that kind of hurts,” Mark admits. Wardo drops Mark’s leg immediately, “Shit, sorry! Are you okay?”). Maybe he needed to watch more porn. Maybe Mark is too old and Eduardo wants someone younger, hotter. There’s nothing much Mark can do about that. But maybe Eduardo wants a threesome? Mark doesn’t know if he can watch Eduardo be with anyone but would try for Eduardo (John on his back and Eduardo riding him, Eduardo’s head thrown back-) Mark thinks he’d probably do anything for Eduardo. The feeling is so strong that it scares him. 

It’s frustrating not knowing what he did wrong. If Wardo had been more specific then Mark would have something to work on. What wasn’t working? Okay so Eduardo had work and he had work but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t working? From what criteria did Eduardo draw from? Was it from some secret rulebook that Mark missed getting? Does that mean there was something Mark could do something to make it work? 

He is exhausted by the many threads of thoughts pulling him. He’s going nowhere, being jerked up and down in place like a marionette with twisted strings. He could fix that with a drink. A lot of drinks. But he feels too guilty to get really drunk (you promised, his Dustin-voice whines) so he loses himself in movies. It’s a guilty pleasure of his. When he can’t deal with people, he codes. But Wardo has always been the exception. He’s never quite been able to block out Wardo, not in college, not after the depositions and not now – mostly because he doesn’t really want to. Mark Zuckerberg is a successful billionaire with everything at his disposal and the one person he would throw it all away for would rather be anywhere but where he is. Why does that sound so familiar?

So that’s why Wardo flew so much. Is that what he meant by being apart more than being together? Maybe he just felt sorry for Mark. Maybe it was all pity sex. It makes Mark wonder if he ever knew Wardo at all? Was it all some sort of a lie? How do you know someone is telling the truth when they say “I love you”? How do you know it’s real?

This is what he has left. Watching movies by himself like women do in romcoms when they get dumped. He doesn’t know what else to do. Art imitates life, right? It all feels so surreal. He should probably get some ice cream while he’s torturing himself with fantasies he can never have. Watching people get their happy ending and trying to ignore how empty his apartment feels, how empty his life is. He wonders if this is what Erica felt when she said he was torturing her for being nice. 

Or maybe this was what Wardo felt. What Wardo wanted him to feel. Like someone else had waltzed into his life, setting up meetings and he’s missed all of them. Like he’s turned up at a party and it was an ambush. Because it didn’t matter what he did – he was doomed to fail. 

Karma is a bitch. He deserves this. He knows he’s done some shitty things (he was nineteen and drunk and stupid, then he was twenty blinded and should have known better) and it feels like he’ll never stop paying for them. He feels like his insides have spilled out of him and now he’s desperately trying to hold them to his body like some dying soldier in a war movie. It’s too late. It’s also not the right genre.

Mark [watches Peter woo Juliet](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idHrz_xqwsk). 

God. His wasted heart is going to love Eduardo until he looks like ET. 

It’s nowhere near Christmas but he doesn’t need it as an excuse to tell the truth. And he wants Eduardo to know. 

He watches Harry cheat on Karen and then [watches her confront him](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DM4UZhQN0VY). 

“Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?”

He tells her to stay. He may be speaking to the television but it’s not like there’s anyone to see or hear it. He knows he’d take any part of Eduardo now. Any. He would take a blow to his pride, a beating. Sure, it’d hurt to know that he’s not enough for Eduardo but Wardo deserves to be happy. He deserves more than Mark. Anything is better than not having him at all. Mark would be the third party if he had to be. He’d be a fool for Eduardo, he has already been. It’s selfish but he would take from Eduardo whatever he gave. It sounds desperate but it’s true. He thinks if Eduardo came back to him, nothing else would matter. They made it through a lawsuit, didn’t they? Why couldn’t they make it through this, too?

He watches [Jamie propose to Aurelia](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCldiADPDEM). He feels an ache, a want that he’s not felt before. His emotionless facade crumbles completely. 

He wants that. He wants to fly to Wardo and speak horrible Portuguese and propose to him. He wants Wardo to say yes even if he predicts the answer is no. Mark wants Eduardo to be his. He wants to put a ring on his finger so that everyone knows it. He wants Eduardo for as long as they both shall live. He wants everyone to know he loves Eduardo and he doesn’t care if he sounds like a lovesick fool. He wants his romcom happy ending. One day. But that’s getting ahead of himself. Right now he’d be content with just having Wardo back home and being allowed to hold him. 

Mark doesn’t see himself as a person who gives up easily. Being in limbo is driving him crazy. He vacillates between hoping that Eduardo is _just_ having a fling to _knowing_ that Eduardo has left. How did it get so complicated? Are they together now? What is he waiting for? An apology? A confirmation? A denial? He wants to believe so much that love is all you need yet he is afraid to let himself hope in case it doesn’t-

After the credits roll and he presses eject, the silence mocks him. He is reminded that each minute he’s enduring, Eduardo is getting further away from him. It’s a minute wasted. Mark is letting him slip away. 

He can hear Eduardo speaking in his gentle voice, “You’re going to have to let me go, Mark.”

Had he known then? Was that what he did wrong? Did he not fight hard enough then and this his punishment?

His face is wet. He pretends it’s for Peter and Juliet, for Harry and Karen, for Jamie and Aurelia. Not for unrequited love, for being cheated on and for the wedding he’ll never have. He pretends that he’s not being stupidly emotionally invested. He’s not crying over his (ex-)boyfriend. He’s not crying because he just got dumped. Just a movie, yeah it’s making him cry so hard that his head and throat hurts, so? He knows it’s perfectly healthy to have a good cry (even though crying never feels good for him) and he knows that it’s okay to cry even though he’s a guy (it’s stupid to impose double standards because of gender) but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels like shit. 

The programmer stares at the alcohol still left through gritty eyes. He might as well. Just to get drunk, no more than that. He takes huge mouthful and tries to drink it quickly, ignoring the smell that’s already making his stomach churn. He can’t, he tries to force it down but he feels sick like he wants to throw up. He can’t do it. He knows better than that. He tips it over deliberately, watching the stain spread on the carpet. He should have probably poured it down the drain but it felt more satisfying that way (and it's adding to the spectacular mess). 

There’s no use crying over spilt milk. 

He clenches his jaw against the throbbing in his skull and calls his army of bots off. Enough. Enough now. 

He carefully sticks [‘Catch and Release’](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0395495/) in the Blu-ray player. He puts [‘Love Actually’](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/) back in its box without being prompted to and tries not to think about how Wardo would (have been) be proud of him.

*

At San Francisco International, Eduardo switches his new phone on. After it loads, it doesn’t stop beeping. For over a minute. There’s no way, he could have gotten that many messages from work. He already told everyone important that his phone was broken. Eduardo wonders if this phone is broken. As he waits for it to stop beeping and tries to ignore the random lady playing eye tennis between his phone and him (he tries to project a nonchalant ‘what? I’m a popular person’ but he suspects he just comes off as a pretentious douchebag), he boots his laptop. His inbox is full – full of messages from Mark. He checks his phone. Mark’s sent him enough text messages to rival Christy’s. He has 94 missed calls, 618 texts and 52 voice messages. When he scrolls down, he can see Mark’s messages spaced by messages from Chris and Dustin. 

All of Mark’s messages have the same subject: I love you. 

It’s a sweet gesture, if a little surprising. There is an ache in his chest but even more than that he feels like a burden has been lifted off him. He can’t help the smile on his face. 

The messages are various arrangements of ‘I love you’, ‘I’m sorry’ and oddly enough ‘please don’t leave me’. There are some heartbreaking ones like ‘Remember when…’ and they list all the little happy moments that he never thought Mark was paying attention to. It’s the sweetest thing he thinks Mark, no, anyone, has ever done for him. He doesn’t get why Mark is talking about them in the past tense. It’s confusing. Is Mark breaking up with him? He goes to open another, eyes wide, his stomach all aflutter but his phone rings. He almost drops it. 

“-up, come on Wardo, pick up the goddamn-”

“Uh, hello? Dustin?” He really hopes it is because it would be embarrassing otherwise. Normally he would say ‘Eduardo Saverin speaking’ but only a few people call him ‘Wardo’ and it sounds like Dustin. 

“Holy bananas! Wardjo, where’ve you been bro? Mark’s flipped out after getting your email.”

“How’d you - nevermind. What do you mean ‘flipped out’?” Eduardo says, instantly concerned. “Is he ok?”

It’s Chris that cuts in, “Mark’s gone offline. Dustin’s been, uh, monitoring his activities. Anyway, Mark’s been trying to find you for the last day or so then about two hours ago, he dropped off the grid completely.”

Eduardo inhales sharply. “What? Shit. I told him I- my phone broke. I emailed him telling him that. He wasn’t talking to me,” Eduardo says defensively. A little hope in his chest. “So he wants to talk?”

“Geez. Of course he wants to talk. Just not, you know, The Talk. Did you not get that message? Or the 500 million he sent you? I hope you’re not planning to fake your death- OW Chris! You guys are like Romeo and Juliet without the guns and shit. Huh. That should make me the awesome priest with the giant cross tattoo. What were you doing and where have you been?”

“Flying? There was a stopover. I’m at the airport,” Eduardo says confused. Dustin is talking about puberty and Shakespearean tragedies and Mark. He’s not really sure what’s going on. 

“You’re flying back? Thank the Force. I was worried I’d have to kill you then Mark would kill me to avenge you then Chris would kill him then we’d all be dead.”

Eduardo is baffled as to why Dustin would need to kill him. But this is Dustin. Who talked about _Romeo and Juliet_ alongside _Star Wars_. He would not be surprised if Dustin decided to break out into Jabba speak (“It’s Huttese, Wardo!”). “No, I’m in a taxi right now going home.” He clarifies unnecessarily because the conversation is mystifying enough as it is, “I’m heading towards Palo Alto.”

Dustin seems stunned. “For reals? OH MY GOD. THIS IS BETTER THAN ROMEO AND JULIET.”

“I’m half an hour away max. It’s supposed to be surprise ok?” He’s unaccountably nervous about Mark. 

“MOMMY’S HOME! THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS!!!!” Dustin shrieks. “THANK YOU OBI-WARDO KENOBI! YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE! THANK THE STARS ALMIGHTY! CHRIS, BABY, MOMMY’S HOME! HE’S GONNA SEE DADDY AND WE’RE GOING TO BE ONE HAPPY GAY FAMILY.”

Eduardo has to hold the phone away from his ear as Dustin does an impression of keyboard mashing in speech. 

The taxi driver’s eyes flicker over to give him a look. (He’s thinking about the types of people you pick up late at night: drunk people, serial killers and lovesick fools.) 

Eduardo can’t help but grin when he explains, “Sorry, that’s just Dustin. He gets excited sometimes” and waits for Dustin to stop jumping around. 

Luckily Chris grabs the phone off him. “Hey. Sorry, I think I’ve gone deaf. You there?”

“Yeah.”

“Well what a surprise. We were all worried you’d run off to Vegas.”

Eduardo is confused. Chris’s deadpan can be hard to decipher. “Um, why would I? I can’t run off without Mark?”

Chris is relieved. Dustin makes some more whooping noises and he might be confusing the Mendelssohn's Wedding March with the Imperial March or it might just be a really cool remix. Dustin makes Eduardo feel so old. 

“FYI, this could have all been prevented. You sent, like, the worst email ever,” Dustin says, clearly having snatched the phone from Chris even though it’s probably on loudspeaker. “OW!”

Chris hisses something like “Do you want me to spank you again?” and Eduardo pretends not to hear. “What he means to say is that he apologizes sincerely for hacking your email and being tactless about it but we were really worried about Mark.” Though Chris does agree that the email could have been better worded, he knows it’s not his call to analyze that. It’s a private exchange between Mark and Eduardo. There are a lot of things they could do better but then no couple is perfect. He just really hopes that everything will be okay. They always manage to work it out, eventually, it’s something he really looks up to (and he’s willing to bet a lot of other people do too). 

Eduardo doesn’t really care about the hacking. It’s nothing that Chris and Dustin don’t know anyway. There are things that are more important. “Is he ok?” He’s really worried now. 

“He needs you,” Chris says. 

“I know. I need him too,” Eduardo says longingly. “Romcom move check. I’ve got my ‘apology flowers’ check. Anything else you think I need?”

Chris sounds funny when he says, “You got him flowers?”

“No. I got him loads of USBs and keyrings he won’t need, quality chocolate, funny energy drinks, some Red Vine looking things from Japan… should I get flowers?” Eduardo asks anxiously. He has no idea what flower shops are open. He’s half-entertaining the thought of whether he can surreptitiously pick some from their neighbor’s garden. “I don’t know what kind of flowers he likes. He’s never mentioned flowers. Does he like flowers? Do you know what kind-” 

Chris jumps in before Eduardo can start freaking out. “I think you turning up is the best present. He’ll love it.” Dustin is making kissy noises in the background.

Eduardo manages to refrain from asking ‘really?’ like some teenage girl. Though for the record he does like like Mark. Loves him even. 

“Just use your Bambi eyes on him,” Chris says with a snicker. 

“I can’t believe you just said that. You’ve been spending too much time around Dustin who spends too much time on .” It’s embarrassing. Dustin likes to read out the stories. Dustin sends him the really hot ones and rates them. Eduardo thinks he probably has a delicious account full of the links. Eduardo has never asked and isn’t sure that he wants to know but he has wondered more than once if Dustin tried his hand at writing some. There is a community after all. 

Chris clears his throat. “Speaking of Dustin, I better make sure he hasn’t posted it on his Facebook.”

“Hey!” Dustin chimes in, sounding wounded. He mutters under his breath, “Like Mark would believe it mrphhh-”

“It’s that bad?” 

Chris glares at Dustin. “He’s just- He really missed you.” There’s a long pause. “Look, I don’t want to- I can’t-” 

“It’s alright. I understand,” Eduardo says in a soothing voice. He’s trying to calm himself down too. They can’t tell him. It must be bad.

Chris pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just talk to him. Really talk and I’m sure things will work out.” He tries to sound more certain than he feels. Eduardo does not need to turn up frightened. He’s pretty sure that Mark will have that down. He doesn’t have to tell Eduardo that Mark is more fragile than he seems, he’s sure Eduardo knows. Still, “Go easy on him okay? We’ll be rooting for you guys.” 

“Literally!” Dustin says, rather hopefully. 

Chris glares at Dustin again when Dustin does an obscene hip thrust and grinds against him.

Eduardo smiles, grateful to have such friends that look out for him and Mark. “I will. Thanks Chris, Dustin. For everything.”

For the rest of the way home, it takes all of Eduardo’s considerable self-control to abstain from bribing the taxi driver to break the speeding limit and run some red lights even though he knows it's wrong. He would do anything for Mark. He loves him with the force of a thousand lawsuits and millions of frequent flyer points. He knows he's not perfect, he's far from it but he loves Mark. He wantsneedshopes it’ll be enough. He wishes Mark could hear his thoughts. _I'm coming back for you, I'll always come back to you, I don't ever want to leave you._

_You are my everything._

*

Mark shuffles over to the door, head down. “Just give me the pizza and keep the change,” he says, fishing out the notes in his wallet and holding them out blearily. There’s no pizza box being shoved at him. He tries the magic words. “Uh, please?” His sleeve is getting wet. It’s raining. 

There’s the sound of someone clearing their throat. 

“Mark.”

He looks up. 

Wardo is standing there, smiling at him. He’s dripping, pizzas in hand with his luggage. “Hi.” He smiles. “I paid already. I’d wave but my hands are full.”

“Oh.” Mark doesn’t know what he’d plan to do if Wardo ever came back (and he didn’t want to expect anything so he wouldn’t be disappointed). But he knows what he’s imagined – something…romantic. Like now, a pneumonia-inducing kiss in the rain. (“It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over” and then a crushing kiss and Eduardo lifting him up-) He’d settle for a hug. He wishes he had a script to go from. “Thanks.” 

This is supposed to be a happy moment. Eduardo wants to thank him for the messages but the mood is all wrong. Mark is tense, guarded. It seems like they haven’t seen each other in forever and a day. 

“Come in then.” Mark is propping the door open in stiff movements. 

Eduardo feels like a guest though he’s coming home. He wants to push Mark against the door and kiss him senseless but Mark has flattened himself the wall next to the door, holding himself away from him. 

It’s dark inside. There’s not even the blue glow of a laptop screen. Mark had been sitting in the dark? What was he doing? He gets a good look at Mark when fumbles the light switch on. Mark’s face is sharp, giant bruises under his eyes. There are some stains on his clothing. His hair is in greasy clumps. There’s stubble growing on his face. Eduardo notes with growing horror that Mark’s eyes are bloodshot and rimmed with red. They actually look a bit swollen. “Are you alrig- Have you been crying?”

Mark doesn’t deny it. He blinks rapidly to stop the burning in his eyes and tries not to hope too much even though Eduardo is here and he cares. He does not want to play the sympathy card yet he’s so tired that he has no energy left for lies and pretense. Mark’s voice is rough, “Chick flick marathon. Caffeine pills and energy drinks. Couldn’t sleep properly. Two week long hangover. Take your pick.” (He leaves out crying over Eduardo because that sounds like humiliation with a side of guilt-trip and option ‘All of the Above’ because Eduardo would be all concerned for him and want to take care of him. Mark can take care of himself.) 

“Jesus, Mark.” He’s not just talking about Mark’s apparent lack of self-preservation skills. Their place is a wreck. There are things knocked over. Papers on the floor. It looks like the phone got unplugged and smashed. Some bottles of alcohol lying around, some of them broken. Beer cans. Empty food packets. It’s nothing that can’t be replaced but Eduardo sighs when he thinks about having to clean up. (They don’t use housekeeping because Eduardo feels bad about it. He may have dozens of speeches that he’s absorbed from his father on this topic but he does think that they should be able to take care of themselves – and each other. He can take care of Mark. He doesn’t like someone else doing it, it’s like he’s not doing his job right. Mark doesn’t care. It’s one of the things about Mark that hasn’t changed that can be endearing at the best of times and some days makes him want to yell at Mark to just use a coaster because he’s a genius how hard can it be?)

Eduardo sighs, going to their bedroom to dump his luggage there. If Mark wants him on the couch he can worry about that later. 

Their bed has burnt sheets. “What did you- Oh my god. Did you set our _bed_ on fire?” And where was he sleeping? Oh wait, of course he hasn’t been sleeping by the way he looks. 

Mark stares defiantly at him. 

(Mark was really drunk but he thinks he was trying to set one of their photos on fire. Eduardo is smiling at the camera over Mark’s shoulder and he has his arms wrapped around him. Mark couldn’t do it. Mark stumbled when he was putting it down, the bottle of alcohol spilling all over their 1000 thread bed sheets and then match was burning to his finger so he dropped it and well, he accidentally set the bed on fire. Oops. He blames Eduardo’s stupidly attractive face. It’s all a bit hazy. He couldn’t really see that well, it was dark and there was something in his eye.) 

The curly haired man crosses his arms, daring Eduardo to yell at him.

Eduardo wants to say, ‘you know how I feel about beds and fire’ and ‘what do you have to say for yourself?’ It occurs to Eduardo that he’d be asking all the wrong questions. He doesn’t want to sound like he cares more about their place than Mark because that’s what Mark is going to think. Mark has always seen things differently and it’s not because he’s colorblind. He’s just _Mark._ Mark must have been in a really bad place if he's resorted to alcohol and property destruction. “Are you alright? Were you hurt?” He walks towards Mark who is bare footed despite the slivers of glass that could be in the carpet. Where are Mark’s ever-present flip flops? Mark is swallowed up by his hoodie, sweatpants hanging off his hips. He looks smaller than Eduardo remembers.  
Mark takes a step back, tripping over himself. 

Eduardo has to fight with himself, instinctively wanting to help. Mark doesn’t to be near him. Mark is angry with him. Yeah, he probably deserves that.

That’s when Eduardo notices all the photos are face down. One frame is broken, the picture missing. There’s a rusty substance on the edge which looks suspiciously like dried blood. 

They stare at each other. 

“Listen, I’m really -”

“Look you said-“

“You first,” Eduardo says. He’ll go where Mark goes. 

“Is this it? Are you here to get your stuff?” Mark fires off. 

“What? Are you kicking me out?” He stops himself from saying ‘you can’t do this’. This is their place. He shoves at the anger that threatens to rise. 

“No. You’re the one who’s leaving,” Mark says petulantly. Then, quietly. “I love you. I know I don’t say it enough but I do and I always will. Even if-” Mark eyes flicker to Eduardo’s luggage. “If you don’t.” Then he’s staring at his feet, his naked toes digging into the carpet. 

“Listen to me. Look at me.” Eduardo grabs Mark by the shoulders, shaking him once. Mark looks at him in wide-eyed wonder like he can’t quite believe he’s back. “I love you, Mark. I don’t know what this is about but I’m sorry. I love you too and I obviously haven’t said it enough either. I missed you. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry for hurting you. Whatever else I’ve done wrong, I really didn’t mean to hurt you but I’m so sorry. I love you and it doesn’t excuse anything but I just really want you to know that. I came home for you. This is our home.” He takes a deep breath and says the words on this mind. “You’re my everything. I can’t even- Just. If you want me to, I’ll- I’ll go.” He swallows. “But I’m not going to give up on you. I’ll do everything I can do to convince you. I love you and I’m totally in love with you. I want us to be together and I want that more than anything.”

This is everything Mark has wanted to hear. 

Mark surges forward, touches Eduardo frantically. He babbles, “I’m scared this isn’t real. That this is some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination, that you’re not here and it’s just all inside my head.” He’s sticking his cold hands on Eduardo’s stomach. He is feeling for the faint scar above his right hip where he got his appendix taken out. He’s touching Eduardo like he’s never touched him before, like he never will again.

“It’s real, Mark. I’m here. Right here,” Eduardo says, cupping Mark’s face in a hand. 

Mark turns towards his touch, kissing his palm. “I thought you were going to break up with me,” he whispers into his skin. 

“I thought you were going to break up with me too,” Eduardo says, turning Mark’s face towards him and capturing his lips in a kiss. He’s licking into Mark’s mouth and then Mark’s tongue is tangling with his, his hands roaming all over his body again. Mark’s unbuttoning his shirt while nipping at his lower lip. Eduardo returns the fervor, hands slipping under the hoodie and t-shirt, urgency overruling everything. He winds his hands into Mark’s hair, wanting Mark, tasting Mark. 

“Whoa. I think I’m going to get contact hangover from that.” Mark tastes a little sour, alcohol and probably unbrushed teeth. Mark’s hair is greasy. He can feel Mark’s ribs under his hoodie. He’s always been able to but have they always been so sharp?

“There’s no such thing.” Mark forgoes arguing for diving in again. 

Eduardo pulls away. Eduardo wrinkles his nose. He just noticed Mark has dried vomit on his clothes. “Ok no. Not that I didn’t enjoy it and I love you but shower first. Then food. Maybe throw in some mouthwash.”

Mark refuses to let go of Eduardo so they shower together. Mark drops to his knees to blow him as soon as he steps in. He’s nuzzling his dick, mouthing sloppy kisses, fingers massaging his balls. It feels amazing. “Mark,” he chokes out because Mark looks so tired and he doesn’t want Mark to do this for him right now. He doesn’t want it to be like that. It’s different. He doesn’t want Mark to be sorry, to look broken, kneeling at his feet. 

Mark ignores him and tries to deep throat Eduardo, gagging. 

It takes all his will to ease him off. “I want to wash your hair first,” Eduardo says a little desperately. 

Eduardo massages Mark’s scalp the way he likes it, making sure to rub the base of Mark’s neck where it joins his shoulders and sure enough, Mark closes his eyes and leans on Eduardo, making these tiny noises like he’s having an orgasm. Eduardo is loathe to stop but even Mark’s foam hairdo has gone flat so he says, “Close your eyes.”

He carefully rinses the shampoo out, noting the bags under Mark’s eyes, really looking at him while Mark can’t see him. He puts a generous amount of conditioner in Mark’s curls. With a sneaky smirk, he reaches downwards to Mark’s dick. Mark’s eyes fly open and he looks like he isn’t sure but Wardo leans over and kisses him chastely. “Let me.” He jerks him, them off. The friction is just right and they are thrusting in time, they’re coming together and he’s missed this, the casual intimacy. Eduardo’s legs feel a little weak and he’s half-holding Mark up. Mark let out a sob when he comes but he doesn’t think it’s that obvious with the sound of the water. He’s biting along Eduardo’s collarbone as he composes his face. Eduardo moans, feeling sensitive and still coming down. He never wants this shower to end. 

Eduardo towels Mark’s hair after. Mark looks ludicrously young like that. The taller man puts him on the counter while looking around for the electric shaver that Mark uses and when he looks up, Mark has spread his legs, head tipped back.

Eduardo blushes. Mark looks beautiful and he’s so lucky to have him. He says this and Mark ducks his head to complete his ‘fuck me’ pose. 

He spots the shaver next to an unused tube of lube and feels his face get hotter. Holding it up, he says, “Here, um-”

Mark looks disappointed but he consents to Eduardo taking his face in his gentle hands and shaving him. Eduardo prefers to use a razor himself but Mark is so tired (even though he’s trying to hide it), he doesn’t want to accidentally nick him. Mark’s thighs are warm on either side of his towel-covered hips and he’s wriggling. 

“Hold still,” Eduardo says. 

When he’s done, Eduardo looks at him, making sure to smile. Mark returns it hesitantly. He’s looking a little more like himself. Mark scoots forward and pulls at the towel around Eduardo. 

“The pizza will go cold,” Eduardo says. 

“I don’t care about the pizza.” 

Eduardo wants, he does but more than sex, he wants Mark to be okay. He wants Mark to be happy. Mark looks like he’s lost weight. Lifting him was too easy. Mark looks like he’s running on adrenaline and determination. Mark needs food more than he needs sex. So it’s not that he doesn’t want to have sex but they had mutual orgasms and it was good. He is content. Mark is throwing himself at him and it doesn’t feel right. He is so eager to have sex but he’s barely half hard – like he just wants Eduardo to pound into him and he doesn’t care if he doesn’t even come. Eduardo winces at the thought. Maybe he is overthinking? They haven’t seen each other for a month and a half, maybe throwing themselves at each other is to be expected? Yet, he can’t stop thinking about the purple crescents under Mark’s eyes, the way he sounded, voice wrecked. “I think we should eat,” he says. (If his dick could talk, it would tell him he’s being dumb. Eduardo blames Dustin for the ‘if my dick could talk’ thoughts. He started it in college and never stopped.) 

Mark sighs noisily while he puts on a clean t-shirt with loose plaid boxers. Eduardo finds a pair of lounge pants with dinosaurs on it, a gag gift from Dustin and a t-shirt with I heart CA also from the red-headed programmer. He looks ridiculous but he feels so happy to be home. 

Eduardo is hungry since airline food is shit. Still after his first slice, he notices that there are no olives on the pizza even though Mark likes the olives. Eduardo asks him about this. 

“You don’t like them,” Mark answers easily. “I know what you like.” Then suddenly, Mark has his hand on Eduardo’s crotch, palming his dick. “I don’t mind.”

“But you do,” Eduardo says, confused and starting to get turned on by his traitorous dick. “You like olives.” 

“Here, let me make it better.” Mark has an urge to seal the deal, to have Eduardo shove inside him, just a little too much. He wants to be feeling it the morning after. “I can make it good for you, so good.”

Eduardo swallows. Mark is talking like bad porn dialogue. “Um. Let’s eat first ok?”

Mark pulls back as if he’s burnt. 

“Shit. Don’t- I’m sorry. It’s not you- I’m just worried about you.”

“Stop worrying and fuck me,” Mark says, sounding annoyed. 

Eduardo’s eyes widen. “We just- In the shower. Um. Do you want-” he says, losing all his words and feeling lost. He’s seen this Mark before, needy and wanting to be fucked like he’s being punished. It scares him. “Maybe, um, maybe later?” he offers lamely, trying not upset Mark and too worried to be in the mood. He has a distinct feeling that he’s missed something. The romantic reunion is turning decidedly unromantic. 

They eat in silence. Mark is picking at his pizza. It’s suddenly awkward. 

“I was being optimistic.” Mark says suddenly, biting his lip. Reality is crashing down again. “I forgot to ask, how long are you staying? I thought you were supposed to be busy at work.” He didn’t forget. He just wanted to, for a little while. He would do anything to get Eduardo to stay for longer. He doesn’t want Eduardo leave again without them being together first. He doesn’t think he can handle Eduardo being so close and not being able to have him. Doesn’t Eduardo understand that? Yes, Eduardo loves him and is in love with him. That doesn’t mean he won’t have to go. (Maybe, one day he won’t-) Mark is not getting any younger. They have to make the most of their time. (Doesn’t Eduardo want him anymore? Has he gotten enough that all he needs is a good wank?) Time is running out. 

“I have, um, something to confess. It’s a bit shocking,” Eduardo says, stalling when he gets a sudden and strong attack of the nerves. “It’s not- it’s not bad!” Eduardo says quickly when he sees Mark’s face. “Mark. I’m sorry. I meant what I said earlier. It’s about that. I want us to be together. Please. Please believe me.” Eduardo is also a little horrified that Mark will offer to have sex with him when he didn’t believe he would stay. Did he really think that Eduardo would fuck him then leave him? (How could he believe that?)

“You have work. I know. It’s ok.” He tells himself it’s okay if Eduardo has to fly tomorrow morning. If Eduardo has to have John too. He just needs Eduardo. He needs him. “Don’t worry about me.” He reaches over to palm Eduardo’s cock again, applying more pressure this time. 

“I sort of quit work.” Eduardo blurts out, grabbing hold of Mark’s hand and just holding it. 

“What?” Mark freezes, thinking of John. He probably shouldn’t bring that up. Eduardo apologized. It doesn’t matter. Eduardo loves him and wants to be with him. “We agreed that it would work better like that. Separate jobs that way we don’t bring work problems home, so it wouldn’t get in the way of us being together. I told you I’m not good with relationships. You said-”

“Yeah,” Eduardo says, trying not to get frustrated with Mark quoting their conversation verbatim. Mark has a way of talking that sounds like he’s saying ‘I told you so’. “I did. I thought I could do it but I was wrong. Being apart because of our jobs is getting in the way of us. And maybe if we’re honest, it’s getting in the way of our jobs. At least it is for me.”

Mark is quiet, his eyes locked on Eduardo’s hand in his. 

“I love you, Mark,” Eduardo says when he has nothing else to offer. 

“You shouldn’t- Actually I-” Mark stops himself from saying ‘hate’ because he wants to be considerate of Eduardo’s feelings even if it’s true. He’s learnt now that sometimes people want you to soften the truth and normally he doesn’t really give a shit but this is important and he does care about Eduardo. “-strongly dislike the way your work takes you away from me because I am selfish but I shouldn’t ask you to give it up.”

“You don’t have to. I already did,” Eduardo says sheepishly, nudging Mark. He wants Mark to understand it’s okay for him. He regrets nothing. 

“Fine.” Mark sets his chin stubbornly, “I’m going to ask you to undo that.”

Eduardo ignores him. He holds him, waits until Mark melts into him, enjoying the way he can be next to Mark, that he can see and hear Mark. He can feel his chest is rising and falling with every breath. He’s never going to take it for granted. “You’re not selfish. It’s me that is selfish. Let me do this. Maybe we can try this. And if it doesn’t work we’ll find something else. Money isn’t a problem for us, yeah? We’ll work it out. As long as we’re together.”

“Wardo, you can’t just…run off. We’re not kids in college anymore.” Mark looks torn. “This is a big decision. Really big.”

“But it’s my decision.” He knows Mark won’t be able to argue against this. 

“You’re doing it for me.” Mark says it like it’s not enough of a reason. 

“No, I’m doing it for me.” It’s the truth. Eduardo doesn’t see anything wrong with doing it for Mark either. “For us. I can’t be on hold anymore. I miss you all the time and it hurts.”

It doesn’t sting as much as it used to. “But you love working at The Guardian.” 

“I love you more,” Eduardo says sincerely. He holds Mark closer, hand over his chest so he can feel his heart beating beneath his palm. “I know I can find something else to do but I can’t find another you.”

“Why are you doing this?” 

Eduardo knows what Mark really wants to know is what changed. “In the three days that you shut me out-”

“I’m sorry,” Mark cuts in. “I shouldn’t have-”

“No - Don’t be. It made me realize if I had to choose between my job and you, I’d choose you. I can’t be without you. Look. I know we can’t always do this, I can’t just drop and run and you can’t hide at home. But we’ve denied ourselves for so long, I think we deserve this. We’re in this together. Let me do this for you. Just this once. Let’s worry about all the other things tomorrow. You’re here. I’m home and there’s nowhere else I have to be or want to be right now. So-”

“The Guardian is important to you,” Mark says stubbornly. “It makes you happy. What about John-”

Eduardo kisses him on the cheek. “Shh. Let me have my romantic declaration ok? You are important to me. And you make me happy. Believe me, you are the most important thing, person in my life.”

“I thought you left me,” Mark finally admits when he listens to Eduardo and lets himself start to believe. “I thought you wanted John more than me.”

Eduardo looks disbelievingly at Mark. 

“He has a girlfriend whom he’s very much in love with,” Eduardo says slowly. “Like I’m very much in love with you.” 

Mark's lips thin out and twist upwards into a crooked smile. “But I’m just- Everyone loves you. You could have anyone you want.”

“You’re the only one I’d want,” Eduardo says earnestly. “I’ve never been more sure. That’s what I was trying to tell you.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Obviously not very well. I’m not the romantic in this relationship after all.”

Mark flushes remember all the messages he sent. He covers it by taking his shirt off, stifling a yawn. “We skipped the furniture-breaking, frenzied ‘we haven't fucked for ages sex’ but we’re supposed to have really slow ‘I’ve missed you and need to reconnect with you’ sex right now, being impossibly passionate yet tender and then fade out to credits.” 

“You’ve been watching too much chick flicks. We are not in a movie,” Eduardo teases. “Also you’re about to pass out on me. You’re exhausted.” 

Mark shifts, looking intensely at Eduardo as he thumbs his waistband. 

Eduardo puts his hand on Mark's bared hip gently. “No, Mark.” He brings the programmer's hand up to kiss it. “You don’t have to and I don’t want to. Not right now. We have time. I’m not going anywhere. I love you. You don’t need to do anything because I love you. Just like this. And I’ll say that as many times as I can until you believe me. Then I'll tell you some more.” He trails kisses up from Mark’s navel to the hollow of his throat. He skims his hands along Mark’s torso and worries about Mark being too thin. “I love you.” He mouths the sensitive part behind Mark’s ear, licking then blowing on it. “I just want to be with you, here, right now. It’s perfect.” He kisses Mark’s bare shoulder before reaching behind him for the crumpled blanket, sliding it over their bodies. 

The Mark he met was selfish but he loved him anyway. This Mark is more selfless than he gives himself credit for. Because he never does things in halves. He loves Eduardo with everything he has. Eduardo can’t help but love him more. 

Mark leans on Eduardo contently. He laces their fingers together. “I really missed you,” he mumbles, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Me too,” Eduardo murmurs, kissing the top of Mark’s head. 

It’s a tight fit on the couch but he wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s nothing between them now. He pulls the blanket higher, making sure that Mark is covered. Their place is still a mess but he can clean up tomorrow. They have all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to [slasher48](http://slasher48.livejournal.com/) for her awesome cheerleading and handholding, without which I could not have completed this epic.
> 
> To date (circa 2013), this fic remains the longest complete story I've written and my longest TSN fic :) Thanks for reading.


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